by compound complex 24 Replies latest jw friends
In regards to your question. Yes it is possible to have a painless relationship. I have had so much deep respect for my mother. She is not perfect but I just admire her so much. Out of the few mistakes she may have made none were malicious, she simply was not well informed on certain matters. She raised me as best as she knew. Her unconditional love for me was there before I joined the cult, during the time I was actively in it, and she was there for me as I struggled to break free.
YC
Every one had ups and downs. I would work at it, they would let me down.
Sometimes I would let them down, or we would just be too busy to stay
in touch. The only smooth relationships are the casual friend ones-
I don't intrude much on you and you don't intrude much on me, if we
happen to cross paths or remember each other's anniversary, great.
That's not enough for most people. You need to have that other
relationship, even if it lets you down, sometimes.
Oh yeah..I have too many happy happy relationships to count. Lots of really cool friends, wonderful mother and husbands family. My biological family has given me grief but not personally, I grieve for the children.
I guess I just love them unconditionally and don't take issues personally. Because often they are not intended to cause pain and we are all lacking in one way or another. Give without expectations. I also don't look to others to fulfill something lacking inside myself. That helps.
My friend of 40 years and I have never quarreled, never betrayed a confidence, and have always supported each other no matter how stupidly the other (mostly me) may have behaved.
Parakeet that really a sweet friendship!
One thing I have learned is that there are toxic people out there. There is only so much one can do for and with a toxic person. They see only the dark side of life. They look for the faults of others and point them out to lift themselves up in their own mind. They will kick you when you are down and talk about you behind your back.
If we try to bond with truly toxic people we are in for pain and problems. Some people can suck the life out of you.
Dear Fellow-Sufferers and Rejoicers,
So it seems there are the two extremes and what lies down the middle. Some of your stories are truly heart-rending, even tragic when the love is turned off due to a WT devotee's strict adherence to shunning practices. Others have had the good fortune to have few if any toxic relationships. If so, they have certainly learned how to deal with those difficult relationships. Bottom line: put up or shut up, fight or flight, if you can't lick them, join them....
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
CoCo
Greetings, Friends!
As I lay in bed contemplating the ceiling at around 12:30 a.m., I was thinking of pain. I was in no particular pain myself, yet was, nevertheless, thinking about the pain many of my JWD friends are currently experiencing. Often in the realm of personal relationships. Which brought to mind this old thread. I have just finished rereading it - five months after its "publication" - and was blown away by all your comments.
I'm wondering how we are now with our relationships - improvements? further deterioration? Toxins at an all time high?
Any comments?
CoCo
Yes, but with lots of hard work!
I'm going to a support group that helps me deal with my anger and self-management. I'm to concentrate on who I am and what I'm doing and not delve into the craziness of the abuser. I was not the cause of his insanity, nor can I control nor cure it. What an epiphany! Also, I'm learning to say NO, not allowing Mr. Toxicity to run my life. It seems to help, now that he's been put away.
Support groups are an essential medium, helping us on our way to recovery. I want to be a productive member of society. That didn't really seem possible while a religious entity and toxic friend were dominating in my life.
C...
I think so....me and my wife have been married 17 years...and had no arguments of any substance at all until I left the "truth"...and yet now things are settling down again....the closest she came to getting REALLY annoyed was one time I was annoying her and she was getting more angry....then she blurted out the immortal phrase I still bring to her attention to this day...and I kid you not ...this is what she said.....she bit her finger and looked at me and said....."SHIVER ME TIMBERS"!!!true story....she's a lovely woman...a dub...but a lovely person.....ninja
I don't think a painless relationship is possible. Even my bird, Rocco, bit my stomach once really hard. He was playing with my belt buckle, got carried away, and sunk his beak into my belly. Lucky for me he was facing north instead of south...
W
