Please contribute. Children in divided homes.....

by jambon1 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  jambon1

  ..............I am specifically refering to those raised in the truth by both parents and then one parent leaves.

  Firstly, any experiences of those who went through this would be appreciated.

  Mainly, I am just wondering what is the best way to influence your children against the JW mindset. It is a concern to me that my children grow up believing some of the doctrines of the WTS. I really dont want my children to have any unnecessary paranoias, phobias & fears and I know that a JW upbringing must contribute to this, even if one parent is not a believer.

  So how do I influence my children in a positive way to be questioning, free thinking individuals.

  Both of my children are below 5 years old.

  Much appreciation for any contributions.

  Happy new year!
• 

  Gary1914

  Hi. When I saw the word "contribute" I though that you were asking for money.

  I can't contribute because both of my parents were raised Jehovah's Witnesses and they have stayed together for many, many years.

  I wish you all the best.
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  blondie

  Rather than directly confront or "attack" the other viewpoint, I would just simply present your viewpoint. Children of any home are being presented many different ideas whether by people inside the family or outside the family.

  Blondie
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  Mary

  Mainly, I am just wondering what is the best way to influence your children against the JW mindset. It is a concern to me that my children grow up believing some of the doctrines of the WTS. I really dont want my children to have any unnecessary paranoias, phobias & fears and I know that a JW upbringing must contribute to this, even if one parent is not a believer.

  If both your kids are under 5 years of age, that's to your advantage. You've got plenty of time to "influence" them against the JW mindset. I'll assume that your husband still goes to the meetings and you don't, right? If you plan on staying with him, and if he insists on taking the kids to all the meetings, then it's going to be harder.

  I'd do little things like get them something for their birthdays. If they tell you that birthdays are "bad", you could say something simple like "all the angels and shepherds in the field celebrated when Jesus was born",or something like that. Alot depends on your marital situation, which you didn't elaborate upon at all. If you could do that, it would give us a better idea of your situation....
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  Shawn10538

  Education EDUCATION EDUCATION. Get them involved in preschool, after school activities, lots of "worldly" friends. As they grow expose them to critical thinking skills. Teach them how to identify logical fallacies. Teach them about the real history of the Watchtower and what makes them a destructive cult and false prophets. Go to court and prevent your spouse from teaching them about religion. Make Birthdays a big deal as well a XMas and the other Holidays. Make sure they play little league. Make sure they are normal kids all around. Make sure your mate doesn't expose the kids to the loaded black and white language of the WTS. Be aware of the metaphors your husband uses about good people and bad people. He'll classify you as a bad person if you are not on top of things. Don't rely on his good will. He is very motivated. He thinks his kids will die if they are not in the truth. He can and will lie to "protect" them. A court order will probably be necessary. Shawn
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  fyerstar

  Just be a good parent and express your viewpoints on things. My father wasn't a JW, but was a good man. So when they were cackling about how everyone else was going to be destroyed at Armageddon it didn't sit well with me. I mean, why would Jehovah want to kill my Daddy? Also, talk about other religious beliefs (just in passing) when you're watching or reading the news and other current events. This helped me because it made me realize that everyone claims that their religion is the right one and everybody else is wrong. It helped me to have a more balanced view of the world. Also ask a lot of questions like "what did you learn at the meeting tonight?" and then when you have some alone time (sans JW parent) ask leading questions to help the children think out of the Witnessdom box. Good luck!
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  Bryan

  My own experience...

  My daughter was three when I first left the borg. I took the stand that as she grew older her eyes would open wider concerning the borg and her mother's lies. I failed. She hasn't spoken to me since she turned 19; 3 years. I seem to be an evil apostate.

  Bryan

  edited to add: If I could do it again... I would be pro-active.
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  Rebirth

  Bryan, Would you elaborate on how you would have been more pro active? What did (or didn't) you do that regret.

  Thanks from a non-believing mate of two little ones.

  REbirtth
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  Bryan

  I never engaged her in what she believed; what she was taught in the borg.

  As she got a little older I would have encouraged her to prove what she was being taught.

  I would have shown her the good side of a regular life not built by fear.

  Traveling did open her eyes a bit. NYC, Canada, France.

  The biggest problem was her entire family as support group. Many aunts, uncles, cousins. And probably none of them had a high school education, but they knew the big A was right around the corner.

  Bryan
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  kls

  With my kids i should them the sheltered life they would lead. As Mary pointed out , make sure they have Birthday gifts and let them explore the world around them that it can be a fun place with Sports , Holidays ,etc,and when they get older that you the parent will help them with everyday troubles and not the wt. When ever you can, showed them that life is great with many things to explore and you will have set the doubt of the wt teaching in their heads. Don't cut short on what a 5 yr old can understand because they understand alot. Let them know that they do have a choice in life.

  This is how i kept my kids becoming cult children and now they are all grown . Their dad is still a jw but none of my kids ever went back to a meeting past the age of 10 when they were old enough to say "no more".