Did you say "I love you?"

serendipity

I grew up in an emotionally constipated family. My parents didn't hug us or tell us they loved us. They were slightly affectionate with each other, but I don't think I ever heard them express their love for each other, in front of us kids. I was the affectionate one in the family, hugging my sister, brother and mother, but I didn't say "I love you".

As an adult, I had no problems expressing love, appreciation, etc. for boyfriends or my daughter. I tell the kids in the family (nephews, niece, cousins) that I love them. My family hugs now, since we're adults, and I mean, they initiate the hugs, rather than me. But we still don't say "I love you".

How many of you articulate your affection for family members? Were you raised that way, or did it happen later?

wonderwoman

I really don't remember if 'I love u' was a big part of my family. We were all an affectionate hugging kissing bunch, that got my sisters and I in a whole lotta hell later in the cong. My family life was so up and down-dad was an abusive Jeckel and Hyde. So any affectionate 'I love u's were taken as hush money. I am very affectionate still and tell everyone I love them, and my kids do too.

free2beme

I do, but not to the point of overkill, as I think that cheapens it. I tell me son I love him a all the time, and he says it back. Of course, my spouse and I also say it often too. No fear of those three words in this family. Although, we show it more then we say it.

searching4truth

My family said it growing up but more as I aged I guess.

ValiantBoy

I don't remeber saying it growing up. I know I didn't feel it. I say it now to my mom. I still hate saying it though. I always think it sounds hollow and forced.

misanthropic

My mom was always very affectionate to us but I spent my entire life (so far) trying to get my dad to say he loved me or show me any real affection. That ended up being a waste of my time. In the relationships I've had, I've been told I push the ones I should love the most away, I'm sure it's just a defense mechanism.

MeneMene

I can't remember ever hearing those words growing up. No natural affection at all in my immediate family. However, when we visited my father's family it was all hugs and kisses. It did feel a bit uncomfortable to me as my mother's family was rather cold and I was around them more.

When my kids came along I made sure to tell them often. My son is a very affection person and still does say it often but my daughter and I live together and I'd have to say we show it more than say it.

Nellie

My family was very affectionate when I was growing up. We greeted and parted with kisses ALWAYS and sometimes it was accompanied with "I love you." My husband's family was exactly the opposite, and I had to train him to get with the program. Just the other day a neighbor was visiting when he came in from work. He walked in, said good evening and leaned down to kiss me hello. Her comment was, "I love the way he does that, it was a two-second kiss, but it was soo sensual. You guys are so inspiring." Not bad after almost 25 years!

I've carried on the tradition with my children and I hope they carry it to their families. Yes, even as teenagers they kiss Mommy goodbye - even in front of their friends!

ithinkisee

As my mom began to realize we were leaving the JWs last year, she began using "I Love You" to excess. As many of you know, it wasn't meant as a way to express genuine love. Although I don't doubt she really loves me on some level, the "I Love You's" of the past year were primarily meant as a way to induce guilt. Each "I Love You" was meant to prick at my conscience. She used "I Love You" as a weapon to combat my desire to leave the JWs.

She also did this when I was a child. The guilt was ingrained at an early age. "I love you" became empty. My choices had nothing to do with me but everything to do with her and my loyalty to her. It wasn't until later in life did I begin to understand the true meaning of I love you, and even more so as we had our own children. Nowadays when I say "I love you" to someone, I imagine myself saying it to them in other - less ideal - situations. Could I still say I love you to my wife if for some reason we split up? Could I still say I love you if one of my children grew up and told me they were gay (or anything else that still carries a social stigma of sorts)? Could I still say I love you if my child chose a path that wasn't one I would have chosen for them?

Usually that ends up pointing out where I need to work on some internal things.

I'm still not a master at showing and giving love, but asking myself those questions helps me move forward at least.

-ithinkisee

confusedjw

Nope - a childhood totally devoid of affection. But, I tell my kids I love them all the time.

Did you say "I love you?"

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