by serendipity 22 Replies latest social family
Some people act as though they believed that saying "I love you" was bad luck -- that it would somehow tilt the universe so that harm would come to your beloved. They may believe their unspoken feelings are protecting you from evil.
Of course the world does not work that way. It is random and chaotic, but there are no entities watching over us waiting to rob us of our beloved.
During my younger years I remember there being some affection but it was often tainted with anger, resentment and sometimes violence.
When I grew into my teens affection was none existent and I was never told that I was loved by any of my parents. I cant say as I was bothered to be honest. Too busy dreaming up ways to escape. Its funny that now I am in my 30s I am only just realising what it is to 'feel'.
DB74
I grew up in an emotionally void family. My mom was abusive w/words, my dad was more affectionate towards me, but my mom would get jealous and he would stop (he was a truly hen pecked husband). My brother sexually abused me and my sis and I are 13 years apart and not close.
I did not perpetuate this. I'm a huggy person and show my affection by words and action. My husband on the other hand is not which has caused a lot of problems in our marriage. He does "things" around the house, but physical and emotional affection is almost non existent. He came from a home that did show love. So go figure! Married very young and I, no doubt because I had a warped sense of what real love is, associated sex w/true love. What a huge mistake!
After 39 years of marriage I ended up w/ an emotionally withdrawn handyman roommate. And yes we have been to counseling. Attempts are made that last for a week and then back to the psychologist. I have some huge decisions to make in the near future w/the therapists direction.
I can't believe I shared this w/you people. But it is cathartic.
Juni
No, I was often told just the opposite. My mom often bombarded me with "I love you's" out of guilt for walking out on us. So the love bombing from the jw's worked wonders on me.
I say it to my kids most often, and show through my actions. Whenever I say it, I mean it.
i know i said it as a kid i make a point of saying it to my kids i wont say it to just anyone, it has to mean something.
i heard it a lot as a kid, usually after a good whacking from my mother, the best was from my nan all love no slappings, when i see her now she still gives me nanny kisses and tells me she loves me, for a moment it transports me back to a different lifetime when i thought blood was thicker than water and love was forever.
The wife and I say it every day. My mother said it to me when I was a kid, often.
Grandma on one side said it constantly.
Dad and the other grandparents were more "Hold it in."
Say it if you want to, but don't expect it from others- that's my feelings.
We did not say it or hear it growing up. When and If my mother did say it .....it sounded fake or somehow to manipulate a situation. For a long time I did not say it as It had such a negative ring for me.
Just the other day, the lady that my daughter is staying with, said how great she thought it was that we say I love you in my family. She said not just you and your daughter but all your kids(5-except one)
I say it to my daughter spontaniously. And ever time we leave each other or hang up from a phone call there is at least a "luv you" after good bye on each end.
purps
My parents were pretty free with saying "I love you." It was their actions that often left me wondering if it were really true.
"As my mom began to realize we were leaving the JWs last year, she began using "I Love You" to excess."
Yes! Since I DA'd, my mother keeps saying, "You know I love you." It means nothing.
tall penguin
((((((((((Serendipity)))))))))),
You have done really well to have overcome the lack of affection shown you, believe me!!
I was starved of affection from my father, but not my mother. I have always been a tactile person and I tell my wife constantly that I love her, because I do! I also tell my children the same.
My children, wife and I hug one another regularly and I believe expressing one's love to one's spouse in front of one's children is healthy for everyone and an example to them for their futures - which is why you have done exceptionally well to be so demonstrative to your own family. I even hug my close friends!
It really is good to hug and invaluable to say those three little words which have such a profound effect.
Love,
Ian
I grew up in family of violence and many many other problems. My sister and I were the last of 6 and we were put up for adoption and they were going to take us away until our parents realized we were going to be separated and it was halted. My mother use to tell me that she cried when she found out she was pregnant with me the last one. I never heard her say she loved me until the night she went into a coma.
However, I realized at age 14 that my life was not the Brady Bunch and I made a lifelong commitment to make sure that I would never raise my kids the way I was raised. I spoke to my daughter before she was born and told her so many times that I love her and it is now apart of our entire family. My wife and I all the time tell the kids and each other that we love them. From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
abr
