Need help fading!

5thGeneration

REAL HELP! Please no criticism and such that people seem to spew!

I have not been to a bookstudy in a year or been door to door either.

Been using travel and health of my wife and family (actually VERY true) but they're relentless!!!

We had the C.O. visit this week and I was honest about the family being sick but the e-mails and calls keep piling in.

Why can't the Society just accept people who want to drift away!

I think we need a new category:

1. DFd and "letters of dissociation" ones.

2. Just want to fade and still consider myself an inactive JW already but leave me alone!

P.S. Honestley please, all the "Jehoover" and "cult" and "WT&T$" people, I appreciate your opinions as your own, but am looking for something different!

Thanks.

Euphemism

There's not really much you can do, other than wait them out. Screen phone calls, don't answer the door, don't reply to messages.

If they're actually on a witch-hunt for you, that won't stop them; but if they're just being persistent, they'll give up eventually.

Best of luck with your fade.

What-A-Coincidence

Why can't the Society just accept people who want to drift away!

No kidding. I am in the same boat.

This is what helps me. If I was them (the dubs) .. I would act the same way (be 'worried' about you bla bla bla). It's the mindset not the people, their real 'self' would not behave that way. What helps me is to empathize. Well that works for me until I break out the Disasociation for Dummies workbook and go out with a bang.

Peace to you!

penny2

Hi 5thGen

Don't lose heart - you're on the right track with missing the bookstudy and field service. Maybe find something else to do on bookstudy night (work overtime, get a 2nd job or do a study course) so your reason for missing will just involve yourself (family illness can't go on forever).

My fade took ages and in hindsight I could have done it much quicker by simply stopping meeting attendance. They can't DS you for that. You could change your email address and screen calls. Just don't answer and take each day at a time. It will always be worse during the CO's visit, but that will pass.

Reasons for stopping meeting attendance that shouldn't result in disfellowshipping:

Someone has offended you
You are stumbled
You've "lost your faith" (that's what I said and the elders left me alone after that).

Good luck!

penny2

TheListener

There are certain circumstances that make fading virutally impossible. If you live near a zealot relative, especially an elder father. If your spouse is a zealot and they seem unwilling to accept your fading status. You were very prominent in your local area.

If any of those things are true for you then you will have a tough road for fading. Remember, you were one of the faithful too. You would be worried sick about a lost sheep and would have done whatever you could to save someone from falling away.

My only advice is to lay low. As soon as you show any interest they'll try to get you to study; to build up your faith once again. Keep your head down and let time pass. In time the elders, friends and maybe even family will have new crises in the kingdom hall to deal with and you will become yesterdays news.

Good luck. It's never easy.

SWALKER

It took several years for them to give up on me!!! I still occasionally get a phone call...

Swalker

jaguarbass

I've been out since 83, but what I remember when I was in, you seem to fit the catergory of an inactive one. They will call on you and encourage you from now till armegeddon. You could move away. You could screen your phonecalls with an answering machine or caller id. You dont have to answer your door. Get a peep hole.

Good luck

sexyk

Yeah, i think their should be one catergory for those to disassociate themselves too. But im not sure if that would ever happen. Those who disassociate themselves get disfellowshipped and are treated like a disfellowshipped person. That's one thing i never really agreed with either. You cannot leave the organization in an honourble way.

new light

It seems to me, from my limited perspective, that as long as the elders hear excuses, they will continue to think there is a glimmer of hope, that you still want to be active and just need encouragement. I simply stopped attending, and when the calls came around, I just told them I did not feel like going anymore, plain and simple. I then reassured them everything was fine, not expressing even the slightest doubt in the doctrine. At this point, I put up a stone wall, literally not speaking to anyone in the org about anything religious. Worked for me, and it's been 3 years now without a peep from them.

Matt

confusedjw

I coined the phrase "DisConnected" for those of us who just want to fade away. (Patting myself on the back)

Need help fading!

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