Need help fading! (page 2)

blondie

THE ART OF FADING

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/34518/1.ashx

Fading is allways possible, but there is something that needs to be done that may not be to your liking.

Eventually you may have to appear that you are 'going back to the work' falling into a 'selfish way of thinking'. This involves not actually doing anything that would jepordize your current JW status but instead would be a slow fade without any particuliar reason.

Think about all of the other people you know who no longer go the the hall. The numbers published by the society shows hundreds of thousands going inactive each year. How does this happen? I think the main thing to remember is excuses. Just keep giving them, even if they are lame. Eventually they will get frustrated with you and leave you alone. You will never give them a real reason, just lame excuses they know aren't that truthful but they just have to accept. They will eventually be sick of hearing your excuses and go away.

Right now they think they can win you back. This is normal. In time they will give up, its can be garunteed %99.9

OnTheWayOut

Read the link that Blondie posted. I did. Good advice.
Differing situations have differing outcomes, but this is
good all-around advice.

drew sagan

Just wanted to mention that I think sometimes we give these JWs to much credit.

Sometimes we can get so worried about what we think they are going to do to us that we let it guide our actions. For the most part I think that JWs are not going to do anything to you (unless of some personal grudge with the Elders). For the most part JWs totally forget about people that no longer go to the hall. Both halls I attended had people that would float in every few months or so, seem like they are 'back in' and then as quickly as they came back they where gone again. Nobody really made much noise over them. Why? Because they knew there was nothing they could do to change that persons habits or mind! To a JW they will think 'they know its the truth, shame on them if they want to act that way'.

If they have no ideas about what your personal feelings towards the org are the simplier it is to simply act like one of the many tens of thousands who are out there, no longer associating with the organization.

nonamegiven

I don't really have anything constructive to say (yet) but I read with great interes and thank you for posting. I'm DF'd and working to be reinstated so I can fade. I have begun to wonder if I can fade or if I am doomed to one of the big "D"s for life (df'd or da'd). Thanks for posting.

I'm eager to see what others experienced with thier fade or attempt to fade......................

choosing life

You may have reached the point where you just need to quit going. Don't answer phone calls or return calls when messages are left. Don't answer the door when they come to your house. Think about how people in field service got rid of us. They basically hid from us.

As for what to tell your family, that is something you will have to decide. Many haved used depression or social anxiety disorder (can't be around other people at meetings). You can tell them you are rethinking your life and just need time and space right now.

The important thing is to not give them any glimmer of hope by attending meetings. Eventually, they will get used to it. If they ask to do a sheparding call tell them no. Give them whatever reason you do for not attending. But you must hold your ground for this to work. After a period of time, they will call less and less. Then hopefully, it will be only once or twice a year.

If you truly want out, you have to stay totally away. That is the only way to get your point across.

avidbiblereader

5th Generation I am sorry that you have to go through this kind of stuff, this is not a light issue with the local elders whether they are sincere or not. they feel that they are following Theocratic Direction.

2. Just want to fade and still consider myself an inactive JW already but leave me alone!

In your statement, you must realize that you are saying "Inactive JW", if you cant let this go you must realize by your own words, you are still apart of them. You are stating "JW" whether inactive or not, it still allows them to hold you as a posession. But this walking away will not happen and you may have to consider, even after years, they may still come after you for anything as they feel they are within their rights and obligation to prove to themselves they are doing their job, to prove to others don't try and escape, whatever. I have not seen to many faders in my area that have been successful unless it is over a decade in getting away from the org. I would not lie to them but just tell them, if I can I will make it is what I would tell them on making any appointment or meetings. It shouldn't take long to make them realize you are not coming back but keep looking over yours.

If you make any statement that is negative towards your faith in them you will only make yourself a target for either future meetings, interogation, or the constant calling until they get out of you what they want.

1) Your are coming back

2) You are DAing yourself.

Tread as Jesus said, as innocent as doves and yet as cautious as serpents.

NOTE: If you argree for them to come over and visit, ask them specifically what the subject is going to be and dont let them tell you that they don't know or cant tell you. Once you have the subject(s) do your homework and use the Bible over the mags. It has a way of silencing them. I hate to tell you that I have been on both sides of this and whenever the Bible is used over the mags, they really do lose their grip and it scares them. I would expect the worst on this matter, it is one of the signs that shows them for what they are. The prodical son, wasnt persuaded not to go but was welcomed back, they do the exact opposite.

abr

becca1

You've been inactive for a year and have not had elders wanting to meet with you? You are doing great! Maybe it's time to drop out of sight altogether... If asked to meet with the bros. I would advise you not to. Just say your too busy, or don't feel you have anything to discuss. Be friendly and well manerd but stand your ground.

Quandry

Someone once posted a line from the song Hotel California that seems to sum up this scenario as regards faders and the WTS:

"You can check out any time you like but you can never leave."

Mulan

We faded successfully without getting df'd, over a period of 2 years. My husband resigned as an elder during the first year, because I was "spiritually" in trouble. We sporadically attended meetings, probably 2 a week, always the book study was one we went to. We turned in time, but never went in service. It kept us off the radar. Our book study conductor is an old friend, and his wife is still my closest friend, and he wasn't inclined to try and fix us.

After a few months of that, we skipped another meeting a week. After a year, we never went on Sundays. My husband worked in Japan for 2 months in the second year of our fade. When he got back, we only occasionally went to meetings. I became known as one who had a "bad attitude" but no one tried to help me. After a few more months of that, my husband's oldest brother died and they announced it, and we went to California for his funeral. Never went to the KH again. That was July 1997.

Fading is slow, and gradual, not all of a sudden. The idea is to be gone before they notice.

Need help fading!

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