"They all loved you more..."

by Confession 10 Replies latest social relationships

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  Confession

  It's a quote from "Legends of the Fall," the novel by Jim Harrison, and the movie, starring Anthony Hopkins, Brad Pitt and Aidan Quinn, and it reminds me (in a way) how I've felt for most of my life--both in the JWs and out.

  In the story, Aidan Quinn is the brother who always tries to do the right thing, living up to his responsibilities, treating others well. But Pitt is wild, generally irresponsible and unapologetic. Quinn's character says something like this...

  'I have tried all my years to live by the rules of God and man, while you have lived by none of them, brazenly doing whatever you pleased. But they all loved you more...'

  Have you ever felt that some people can make mistakes and irresponsible choices left and right--and receive understanding smiles or slaps on the wrist from others. But you? Oh, you'd better not even think about doing a fraction of what they've done--without receiving angry denunciation. Why does this happen?
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  J-ex-W

  Because some people seem able to do things in a manner that provides entertainment value? Or it's been generally known that so-and-so was an (entertaining) independent little cuss since being in diapers? Or because the ramifications of trying to exert pressure on that one to get in line result in more trouble from that one than it would from you (or others)?

  It's the ones who can admit wrongdoing with a half-assed, half-sheepish, all bogus smirky smile.... Then say they won't do it anymore...and so find a different way to do it again. Sometimes the 'creativity' is what gets admired.
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  misanthropic

  ::Have you ever felt that some people can make mistakes and irresponsible choices left and right--and receive understanding smiles or slaps on the wrist from others. But you? Oh, you'd better not even think about doing a fraction of what they've done--without receiving angry denunciation. Why does this happen?
  
  Yes, definitely, but I think it's because they're the ones that aren't afraid so much of what anyone thinks about what they do or say. They aren't afraid of taking chances, saying what they really believe, in a way they are admired for being themselves.
  
  
  Edited to add: that now I have this serious need to watch this tonight ;) Great movie.
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  Twitch

  Yes, definitely, but I think it's because they're the ones that aren't afraid so much of what anyone thinks about what they do or say. They aren't afraid of taking chances, saying what they really believe, in a way they are admired for being themselves.

  Very true. I've found that the less I "care", the better things go. I also sleep better at night. Strange but true.

  Good movie, btw.
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  darth frosty

  I believe that we all have a begrudging respect for people who live life on their terms.
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  avidbiblereader

  Is it truly "people loved you more" or do people feel the NEED to love someone more to help them from the course of self destruction? You can only crap on people for so long and the love will dwindle, I think this is a good thread but it is also Hollywood. I dont think in real life people are as tolerant as the movie depicts. Especially in our day and time.

  abr
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  Confession

  I dont think in real life people are as tolerant as the movie depicts. Especially in our day and time.

  I disagree. Some personal examples...

  My last job as a Production Director at a radio station. One person there (thought of as kind of a loveable nut) would frequently express himself forthrightly. He'd find fault, mix things up, say whatever he liked... But others, including me, with a typically more respectful demeanor would be castigated and their job threatened when speaking out in a much less outrageous fashion.

  The work I do on the weekend requires traveling to a different city each week. On our staff, we have quite a collection of characters. One of them is a 59-year-old alcoholic. No joke. This guy is a pretty good salesman and is well-liked. But each weekend is a scary adventure with him. Often the staff must share sleeping rooms in the hotels where we stay. This guy, half drunk and half asleep, screeches like a caveman all night long. He tells hotel staff to go f*** themselves all the time. Once, while smashed, he peed in his roommate's full suitcase, mistaking it for the toilet. (I am NOT kidding!) Of course he would never do these things sober, but they still happen. There have been people fired many, many times for offenses far less than these things. But this guy (though he's 59) still has that sheepish, smiling little face--and engenders such compassion from everyone. People see him as someone to forgive, someone to help, someone whose stories are so hilarious.

  I see this sort of thing quite a lot. Don't you?
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  Outaservice

  Well, one thing I have noticed is this. When I left the JW's, I began celebrating the holidays with my family, buying gifts, sending birthday, christmas, and other cards, etc. My JW brother does none of these things and yet he is still considered a 'great guy' by the family. As a matter of fact, my stepfather who has no use for JW's has put my brother in his will, and I'm not even mentioned. Of course, I'm not going to make an issue of it, but it just seems kind of strange.

  I guess the expression 'Ma always liked you best' still applies, JW or not! Ha.

  Outaservice
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  30girl

  TRISTAN! I loved the movie! I think it's perception. It's hard to measure love, even when what one may perceive to be greater admiration displayed toward another sibling, friend, etc., you must not mistake the overt for the covert - could be other things at work.
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  Twitch

  Speaking to the movie and the romantic interactions of the character Tristan as opposed to the sibling rivalry, maybe it's the "bad boy" syndrome that some women find irresistable. I've always found that kinda thing curiously intriguing. I was at the local pub recently and I was half cut, puttin on a bit of a show, flirting with women, kickin butt on the pool table and cutting ppl down (with a smile of course). I was talking with a woman who seemed rather interested and I made it apparent that i didn't care and was just having some fun. I told her that I'm bad news and she said that's what she liked about me. To qualify a bit, she was in her mid 20s and wasn't exactly the church going type.

  My point is that i realize that this thread is essentially about art imitating life which is all too true at times and it does seem to be a fact that alot of women like the bad boys. Quite possible an age thing as it seems more common among younger women (one of those phases i suppose) but not exclusively.