Scared.... (page 4)

JWdaughter

HI, please see my PM to you.

Take care of yourself first. You can move, you can fade, but you don't need to die for a religion you don't even believe in.

Paisley

Hi coolcat, welcome!! I'm so glad you found the place again - it was down for a long time yesterday.

I felt better when I stopped using the specific JW terminology, such as "the truth" but that was just me. :) It kind of broke the sense of obligation and connection when I identified the organization, verbally, for what it really was, and was not!

Nelly, this is wonderful info, and seems very useful for abusive relationships of all kinds, thanks!

nice to meet you
http://www.angelfire.com/vt/rcwn/Pagefifteen.html
EMOTIONS FELT BY VICTIMS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
They feel insecure, unimportant, unworthy and generally bad about themselves
They doubt their ideas and needs
They feel isolated
They may have consistent physical ailments as a result of the stress
They always feel as if they in a FOG unable to think clearly as a result of being manipulated to feel Fear, Obligation and Guilt
TOOLS USED TO CREATE FOG
Making demands seem reasonable
Making the victim feel selfish
Labeling with negative qualities and connotations
Pathologizing or crazy making
Making a demand that needs an immediate response
Allying themselves with someone of authority or influence i.e. parents, children, mental health professionals, religious leaders etc.
Comparing the victim to a person that the victim does not like or is in competition with
Learning the victim's "triggers"
Assess how much pressure to apply before the victim will give in
CHARACTERISTICS OF THE VICTIMConstantly seeks approval
Does their best to avoid anger and keep peace
Takes the blame for anything that happens to others
Has compassion and empathy
Tends to feel pity or obligation
Believes they need to give in because it is the “right thing to do”
Has self-doubt with no sense of their worth, intelligence or abilities
CHARACTERISTICS OF AN EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILER
Has great fear of abandonment and deprivation or of being hurt
Feels desperate
Needs to be in control of things
Experiences frequent frustration
Has thought distortions regarding the reasonableness of their demands
Has had someone emotionally blackmail them and sees that it works to get them what they want
WHAT IS NECESSARY TO STOP EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
The victim must begin to look at the situation in a new way.
They must detach from their emotions.
They must realize that they are being blackmailed and that it is not appropriate for the blackmailer to be treating them in that manner.
They must make a commitment to themselves that they will take care of themselves and no longer allow this abusive treatment.
They need to see that a demand is being made on them and that it makes them uncomfortable.
They must determine why the demand feels uncomfortable.
They must not give into the pressure for an immediate decision.
They must set boundaries to be able to take time to consider the situation and to look at all of the alternatives to make the decision.
Finally, they must consider their own needs first for a change, in this process.

avidbiblereader

Coolcat, I am sorry if I offended you, so many want out, some want back in, some hate all of it and it is hard to figure out which is which, the farther you are away from it, pehaps you will find peace and that is what I wish for all here.

abr

parakeet

Coolcat, don't hesitate to seek medical help to aid you through this crisis. Severe depression and anxiety, no matter what the cause, should be reported to your doctor. My experience getting out of the JWs, very similar to yours in many respects, caused life-threatening depression. My doctor prescribed medication and therapy, both of which helped me tremendously. Good luck to you.

Paisley

avid

the farther you are away from it, pehaps you will find peace

So true! Simple, and true. Distancing ourselves from the teachings gives the brain a chance to recover, to think clearly.

Paisley

parakeet

Coolcat, don't hesitate to seek medical help to aid you through this crisis. Severe depression and anxiety, no matter what the cause, should be reported to your doctor. My experience getting out of the JWs, very similar to yours in many respects, caused life-threatening depression. My doctor prescribed medication and therapy, both of which helped me tremendously. Good luck to you.

I agree, coolcat, when I finally sought medical help for long-standing depression that had become unmanageable, I was surprised at how helpful it was. And how quickly I felt better. All those wasted years being depressed, for nothing. Oh well, better late than never!

coffee_black

You can call 800-why-1914. It's a helpline for people leaving the Watchtower. Marylin, who answers the phone is a counselor, as well as an xjw. She can refer you to someone who lives in your area to talk to.

Coffee

BrentR

Good luck Coolcat! Read as many posts here as you can and you will see that there is life after the Borg. Find someone who is allready out to be a "bridge" for you. The canyon between the Borg and the real world is very wide and to get across it you really need a "bridge". That is what worked best for me.

I have never been happier then when I left and I have no regrets. You will also find that your JW "friends" were never really your friends which will only reinforce to you what you left. Shunning is actually a blessing in disguise. Do you really want your JW friends to stay in contact with you when all they are going to do is try to get you to come back? I want them to leave me alone because I do not have any further use for them. Shunning keeps you from having to tell them to go away.

twinkletoes

A Very BIG Welcome ((( Coolcat )))

It's good to read your story, and I hope that you will stay around - you'll find lots of help here.

We (me and Husband) were in the JWs for over 32 years - we feel that we have wasted the best years of our life. Now we are pensioners and cannot get back those years. You are lucky (did I say Lucky !! ) you are still young enough to re-adjust and look ahead for a life of freedom.

By the way, have you read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz (was governing body member) it will give you the strength you need at this time. Many of us have found help with this book.

John 8 v 32 ............"You will know the truth and the truth will set you free"

Love

Twinkletoes X

Scared....

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