Do You Get Any Pleasure Out of the Holidays Since Leaving the Watchtower?

jayhawk1

Yesterday was my Crappy Birthday, http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/127389/1.ashx and while the evening went along, I realized something. I've been out of the Watchtower for about 6 years now and I still don't enjoy the holidays or my birthday. I can't recall one time saying to myself, "Wow, that was so much fun. I had a great time." What's wrong with my attitude? Could it be that the reason I don't find joy in the holidays is because I was told they was bad most of my life? I wonder if those who never had the restrictions of no holidays really enjoy the holidays and their birthdays or if they just simply go along with it because of peer pressure. For me, I just do it because my wife expects me to join her in celebration. I know if it wasn't for her, holidays would just be another unimportant day.

Man, I feel like $H!T lately. I hope you can find it in your hearts to express yourself, because I need several opinions here. How do I get the joy of holidays? Will I ever get the joy of holidays? Or should I just give up trying, which is currently how I feel?

I just wonder why do I bother to try anymore.

Finally-Free

I stopped enjoying the holidays long before I joined the JWs. Now that I'm out of the cult I celebrate the holidays with my family again, but I don't want them buying gifts for me or anything like that. My enjoyment comes from having a nice meal with the family, when everyone is there. I especially enjoy watching the kids rip the wrapping paper off of their gifts.

W

jwfacts

I haven't had a proper family Christmas, but the birthdays for me and the kids have been great. I just love how excited my 14 yo gets about having a birthday.

jayhawk1

I would like the opinions of more than 2 people.

some-xjw-guy

Okay, count me in as one that don't *particularly* enjoy the holidays. Frankly I just consider it mostly irrelevant, aside from big ones like Christmas and people around me reminding me I'd forget. One time my brother messaged me and said "what are you doing this weekend?" which doesn't happen all too often, and I was thinking "why what do you want?" It was my birthday.

I think the whole positive/negative having joy or lacking in it view is overrated. Life is just not like that. To me a lot of people do different things to try to artificially infuse some time or event with joy, when the fact of the matter is there isn't really anything to be all that excited about. I don't consider receiving gifts and eating a cake or turkey to be something that is in itself a big deal. I would agree that good times with friends and loved ones are important, maybe they would give a gift that is thoughtful and cook a nice meal - but that's about the people, not the stuff. So yes, a lot of it I think is this materialistic outlook, we all know about the commercialism with Xmas and the like. I DO think material things are to be enjoyed like *everything else*, but frankly I think most people become mesmerized too easily like "oo, a shiny object." Whoppee doo.

Oh yeah, I don't particularly relate it to the JW thing, it is what it is. Obviously I have the choice to celebrate it if I want, and I do go along with friends and family, but it's just kind of a matter of not being into it.

Honesty

I love the Holidays, especially Christmas and Easter.

I love Life.

When I was trapped as a slave to the Watchtower, I hated Holidays, especially Christmas and Easter and I detested Life in general.

some-xjw-guy

To address your question about getting the joy out of the holidays though, I'd stay just start with joy in general. Who cares if other people enjoy certain things, whether its the holidays or whatever? Find what gives you joy. Personally, it just does not give me joy to see someone with that blank space cadet look in their eyes saying "Merry Christmas!"

ithinkisee

As we get older birthdays aren't as exciting (even for non-JWs) because once you get past like 25 it's not exciting getting older anymore anyways. And, because you never had birthdays as a kid you probably don't have the residual excitement held over from your childhood to associate with birthdays to carry over into middle or old age. (Instead you have residual JW memories about John the Baptizer getting his head cut off.) Additionally, most people only usually have more indulgent and larger parties on age milestones (i.e. 40,50,60) and might have small personal celebrations with immediate family, maybe only a quiet dinner, - or maybe even no celebration at all - on the other years.

As far as other holidays, I celebrated holidays up until I was about 6 years old so I remember a few and the pure innocent childlike joy, the electricity of excitement on Christmas Day.

My wife (Freedomloverr) never celebrated holidays her whole life until last year. Initially she was skeptical about holidays and didn't really care. I didn't care for me but I looked forward to our kids getting to enjoy that childlike innocence. Since then Freedomloverr has really taken to the holidays and we use them as just one of many opportunities to make memories.

===

You need to ask yourself what you are looking to get out of the holidays. Are you expecting something from them that you haven't gotten? JWs built them up like they were these large indulgent occasions. However the majority of "the world" views most holidays as one thing:

Time to spend with family creating memories.

I guess if you don't enjoy spending time with a family or you have no family to celebrate with, it could be depressing sometimes. When you first start celebrating holidays you don't really have a lot of memories, which can be depressting.

Maybe lower the expectations and get to know others better?

-ithinkisee

mrsjones5

I love the holidays. On those days like your birthday don't wait for someone to do something nice for you, do something you like and enjoy. Treat yourself. On that one day you can focus on yourself. During the holidays think of doing something nice for someone else, don't think about yourself and your pleasure. You just might feel better about it all.

Josie

luna2

I'm still figuring this out, jayhawk. I don't bother with my birthday...although, if I made an effort, I probably would enjoy going out with friends or something. I'll have to think about it for next year.

I, too, was fed up with most holidays by the time I became a dub in my late twenties. Not the doing stuff for my kids, that was fun...it was the expectations or what I thought the expectations were from the rest of my family. Becoming a dub and having an excuse not to participate was a relief in many ways. I do get a bit stressed even now. I can't afford to buy lots of gifts and doesn't it seem kind of silly to exchange gift cards with people? I don't know. Maybe I need to look into making stuff or just sending little ornaments out. Its a puzzle.

We always go out for Thanksgiving. My parents started it and I think it was a smart idea on my mother's part. Cooking like a fool for days is exhausting. Its actually quite fun to go out to dinner, everybody can order what they like, it lasts a couple of hours, and you're done. lol My son and I went to see a movie after dinner too...it was an enjoyable afternoon. This Christmas, I cooked. It was kind of a lot of work and rather expensive for a 45min meal for two. I enjoyed decorating a bit and having my son come over for dinner but I need to think about what I want to do for next year. I don't want these holiday things to turn into an ordeal again.

At any rate, I'm feeling my way these days. I didn't grow up a JW, so I do have fond memories of holidays from when I was a kid. I think that's what a lot of people try to recapture, the feeling of anticipation and magic from when they were children. If you grew up a witness and never celebrated, I think its more difficult to enter into the spirit of it (unless you have young children. There's something about seeing your kids' faces light up that makes the whole thing very special).

Its mostly deciding what you are happy doing...or even not doing.

Do You Get Any Pleasure Out of the Holidays Since Leaving the Watchtower?

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