I suppose I should stop lurking,

SacrificialLoon

and introduce myself. I was raised in "the truth", and for the longest time it was all I knew. I spent my childhood going through all the things that other witness children went through; not celebrating holidays, not standing up and reciting the pledge of allegiance, not going to school events, or associating with "worldly" children much. So yeah... I had the standard screwed up childhood. Certain in my faith I was baptized at about 18, I went door to door, I gave the little 5 minute bible readings at the Thursday meetings, and I was sure the end was near.

One day a little doubt entered my mind; it occurred when a brother was appointed one of the anointed 144,000. I asked how they knew to declare him such, and I got the standard answer that the governing body guided by the holy spirit determined it to be so. Normally that might have been a good enough answer, but for some reason my doubt was not assuaged. That question led to more questions, and soon the whole house of cards came tumbling down. I became disillusioned and lost my zeal so to speak. I stopped going out in service, and then the meetings, but I continued to be in limbo; doubting the "truth", but still believing it to be so. I'm not sure if that previous sentence makes sense, but I think some of you will know what I mean.

Then a ticket out presented itself. During my disillusionment I pursued a bit of a career in IT. The company was moving the data center I worked at to Texas so I went in part to escape the surroundings, and family that kept me imprisoned, I lacked the courage to completely break away and lose touch with those I love, so I used my work moving as an excuse to get away. Mostly free, but I still had that what if feeling, "what if they're right after all?" I'd sometimes ask myself. During one of those what if moments I started searching the web and it led me to various site that talked about things like Beth-Sarim, all the false prophecies, and all the other things that have probably been recounted hundreds of times here.

So here I am years later still trying to right things in my head, but the imprint of the society is still felt all this time later.

Man that's a depressing introduction, but cathartic.

So anyway, Hi. :)

Edit: ouch my paragraphs disappeared

OnTheWayOut

I continued to be in limbo; doubting the "truth", but still believing it to be so. I'm not sure if that previous sentence makes sense

Most of us understand that sentence. If we were "in" then many of us were there.

WELCOME.

OnTheWayOut

While there are many books that can help a no-longer-doubting-doubter, if that makes sense,
the simplest logical understanding of JW's in a book I have read is CAPTIVES OF A CONCEPT.

You can google the title or go to lulu.com. It can be downloaded for five bucks or bought and mailed for under thirteen.

I only say that, because you sound sure, but need a bit more reassurance if you are like many of us.

Narkissos

Welcome SacrificialLoon

it occurred when a brother was appointed one of the anointed 144,000. I asked how they knew to declare him such, and I got the standard answer that the governing body guided by the holy spirit determined it to be so.

The "anointed" are not "appointed". This is a major theoretical flaw in the JW system -- in principle anyone can claim to be "anointed" and, in principle, nobody can deny it. This has no practical consequence, however, because the "anointed" do not hold any power in the organisation.

fullofdoubtnow

Hi SacrificialLoon, and welcome to the forum, great to see you here.

tetrapod.sapien

welcome SacrificialLoon! it's nice to have you here on jwd. it's certainly a place where you can explore some areas of reasoning without having to look over your shoulder!

i hope you stick around!

tetra

ps: this site doesn't work that well with mozilla based browsers. it's the only site i still use IE for.

AuldSoul

Narkissos, I think maybe he meant "chosen" or "selected" instead of "appointed". These words are very similar in everyday use here, even though technically they aren't synoonymous terms.

The distinction is very important to JW doctrine, but only as a point to distract attention from the damning reality you stated: the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" has no control whatsoever over the Governing Body or the organization. They have no authority, much less all authority over the supposed belongings of Jesus.

Welcome, SacrificialLoon! Your post wasn't entirely depressing. A lot of us benefit from reading accounts similar to our own; there is some pain associated with it but shared pain always seems somehow less painful, but there is also relief. It helps us know we aren't just nitpicking and finding fault for selfish reasons.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

Narkissos

maybe he meant "chosen" or "selected" instead of "appointed".

To me the phrasing implied the "anointed" were "appointed" bythe Governing Body (like most JWs believe elders are).

Actually the many WT articles suggesting that most "recent anointed" are mistaken in their claim prove that the organisation has no part in the process.

serendipity

Hi SL,
Welcome to jwd, fellow Texan!

Come chat with us at one of two places, f you're not to afraid to chat with apostates. ;-)
http://gabbly.com/www.jehovahs-witness.com
www.thomschat.com

xjwms

Welcome...WELCOME...WELCOME

.

I suppose I should stop lurking,

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