My wife loves me more than I love her

by jayhawk1 24 Replies latest social family

• 

  bikerchic

  No huge words of wisdom here jayhawk1 but from what you said:

  I found somebody I could love and loved me back. We've been married for nearly 5 years and it has been a fairly happy marriage. Our only problem seems to be the economy has been down almost all of the years we've been together. But through it all, I've remained employed and we've never gone without essentials. We don't seem to ever fight, although we've both vented our frustrations from time to time. But there is one nagging problem that plagues me...
  

  There is no doubt that my wife loves me more than I love her. Why is that? What's wrong with me?

  I've often heard that love starts with the "self", to truly love someone else you must first love yourself. Then you feel complete and don't need another to complete you. Perhaps you could explore this more just the fact that you question something is wrong with you makes me wonder if that could be the problem. It's not a big problem and it is fixable.

  In the meantime I can offer these words of wisdom.........act as if. Love is a verb do loving things and incorporate loving acts in yourself and your marriage will benefit. And good for you to recognize there is a problem and seek a solution.
• 

  lowden

  Bikerchic said

  I've often heard that love starts with the "self", to truly love someone else you must first love yourself. Then you feel complete and don't need another to complete you.

  Perfect answer!!

  This may well be the root of your problem Jay.

  Peace

  Lowden
• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  That's a good start Lowden. I might also say that perhaps you feel in terms of the relationship that you have done more than your fair share to provide, keep conversations open and interesting etc.. These things can wear a person down when the partner doesn't realize or try to contribute their fair share. If this inequality were to continue you could just as easily see yourself as being trapped and start to imagine a different scenario actually falling out of love. By the way Lowden I think we are almost the exact same age. I don't know if that's your scene though Jayhawk. It's just a suggestion.
• 

  jayhawk1

  Do you mind me asking, how do you measure love?

  I'm not sure I'm measuring it. Just lately it seems she is more willing to do things for me than I am for her. And you guys are right, I have been a little upset with myself. Lately it feels as if I haven't accomplished anything.
• 

  RAF

  There is no doubt that my wife loves me more than I love her. Why is that? What's wrong with me?

  Well just you questionning yourself and wanting to do something to feel better with her looks like true love to me anyway (you want something good for her) ... What is more? and What is love? if it's not to want more for the other one ...

  I
• 

  juni

  Well just you questionning yourself and wanting to do something to feel better with her looks like true love to me anyway (you want something good for her) ... What is more? and What is love? if it's not to want more for the other one ...

  I agree with you RAF. Good words.

  You have a PM Jayhawk.

  Juni
• 

  jayhawk1

  Juni, I just sent my reply.

  I hope more continue to add their thoughts, I am reading every word.
• 

  lonelysheep

  Is it really that she's "willing" to do more for you than you for she, or is it the 'ability' to physically (maybe even financially) do more? Being willing to do all that you are able to and doing it is love. Surely she sees that?
• 

  Bumble Bee

  I think in every marriage, partners will be going through different stages. Right now you think she loves you more. Maybe another time it will be the other way.

  I've felt like that in my own marriage, that my husband loved me more than I loved him, because of things that have happened to me in the past, I tend to keep a part of my heart removed from relationships (not just with him). It's something I've really had to work hard on.

  It doesn't have to cost much or anything to do things for her. I don't like it when my hubby spends too much on me, the things he can do for me rather than buy me mean much more.

  A note in her lunch if she goes out to work. Coming home to supper prepared is huge for me!!! Just doing extra little things around the house. Drop off some flowers at her work (do this yourself - don't have them delivered that costs too much). Generally let her know you are thinking about her, and appreciate her.

  BB
• 

  nicolaou

  Love grows, don't be too hard on yourself.

  Believe it or not, after 5 or 6 years you're still in the 'early days'. Half an hour ago my wife and I got back home from walking the dog, we do it almost every night. It's not just good for the mutt, it's good for us because we can talk about anything without those damn, pesky kids being around! Nothing replaces open, honest communication (but I've found that a good back rub after I've made dinner and cleaned the kitchen comes close.)

  Good luck mate.