I need to get my husband some help...

by mrsjones5 39 Replies latest jw friends

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  mrsjones5

  My husband has an ugly temper. It rears it's ugly head rarely (well used to be rarely) and now it pops up mostly when my oldest boy messes up. It's so bad that anyone seeing it would call it abuse. It happened this morning. I almost called the cops. I'm going to church and I'm going to speak to the pastor that my husband has made a bond with because my husband won't listen to me. He needs help before he kills my son or drops dead because of a heart attack.

  Dear God (yeah I'm crying right now...where's those damn tissues)

  Josie
• 

  avidbiblereader

  I hear you and I feel sorry for your situation, but you can get all the help you want, but it is your husband who must feel the need for the help. Sorry, but our wishing and efforts to change others, usally leads to disappointment. We can barely change ourselves, yet alone others.

  abr
• 

  Gill

  You have my sympathies Mrsjones! ((((((((( Mrsjones5 ))))))).

  There was a short period when my husband was under immense pressure from work and our eldest was 16 and playing up really badly.

  They had a punch up in the hall which me and my daughter broke up.

  Naturally I stood up for my son, despite my husband's stress level.

  I told him once and for all that if he ever laid a hand on our son again I would immeadiately call the police and there would be no question of not doing.

  A week later they began to have a go at eachother, I stood between them both and yelled for my daughter to call 999 at once. She grabbed the phone and began dialling. I promise you, INSTANT BREAK UP AND SEPARATION!

  To me, as much as I love my husband, the child is the most vulnerable and is the one that I owed my loyalty to in this situation. There was no question of it being any other way and my husband knew it. My son, luckily was not the kind to take advantage of this as he also had to hear what I was going to do if he hit his father, me or his siblings. I would do exactly the same.

  If you have to call the police, then just do it. Don't have to deal with the consequences of blood on your floor!

  They need to know you mean it!!! I did and they all know I wouldn't think twice of calling the cops on any of them for violent behaviour!

  Take care Mrsjones! Family life is not easy or perfect, but MUM CAN and SHOULD be the one to call the shots so DO IT!]

  They'll certainly think twice about any furthur fighting!

  Good Luck! Be strong! And pick up the phone and start dialling...with NO hesitation ever!!
• 

  mrsjones5

  I hear you and I feel sorry for your situation, but you can get all the help you want, but it is your husband who must feel the need for the help. Sorry, but our wishing and efforts to change others, usally leads to disappointment. We can barely change ourselves, yet alone others.

  Well I can't sit on my ass and do nothing short of blocking him from getting to my son (yeah I can take a hit) and I don't want to call the cops or get social services involved just yet. So who better to talk to him than a man he respects (yeah for some reason I'm a woman and just don't understand man things ). I know I can't change him and I don't try but we can't live like this and be a family.

  Thank Gill damnit I can't stop crying
• 

  Gill

  What about your son, mrsjones! Doesn't he deserve protection from assault? Why should your husband be protected from his behaviour by you covering up for him? It's funny how everyone wants to protect and understand the abuser and 'bugger' the victim!!!

  Come on Mrsjones! Wake up! We're talking a young man here! Would you allow your husband to continue beating you? Why make excuses for him?

  Why should your son suffer because you husband has no self control!?

  Put yourself in control! Pick up the phone and dial for help! Your husband should never get away with it!

  That is why it never happened again in my house. My husband didn't like the thought of the consequences! Those consequences were 200 yards down the road, in body armour and with batons and they had cells. I was not afraid to use them if I needed to!

  The same rule applys to everyone in our house!!!
• 

  Gill

  ((((((( MrsJones5 ))))))) You'll feel much better when you are in control of the situation. There is no need to cry. Lay down the law! You ain't no JW wimpy bride!!! Stand up and be counted!

  Use the phone if you have to and NEVER hesitate!

  Look at it this way, if your husband goes too far, hits your son, your son knocks his head and dies......what are the consequences then.

  Be strong! Don't be afraid. It worked for me.
• 

  Scully

  (((( MrsJones ))))

  I'm so sorry to hear this... it must be breaking your heart to see two of the people you love the most at odds with each other so severely.

  Do you know if this is how Mr Jones' father handled his "messing up" when he was the same age as your son? He may need to learn a different way of handling himself if that is how he was treated by his own dad.

  Sometimes local child protection services offer free in-home counselling for families. The goal is not to label someone as an abuser or as a bad person, but to help them recognize why they lose their temper, how to be aware of the early triggers and learning different strategies to cope with frustration. The counselling occurs in the context of the entire family system, so everyone has to participate and take ownership of their contribution to the situation.

  They also usually have a mobile crisis team that can be dispatched to the home immediately when an "incident" is happening.

  You can call them anonymously and gather information about the services available without sending up red flags. Use a cell phone or a pay phone to make the call if you are concerned about the call being traced.
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  Gill

  Scully - sometimes there isn't time for such 'niceties'!

  Sometimes you need to use a big stick to break a hard nut.....and you only have to do it once!
• 

  Scully

  Gill

  I agree with you - that's why I recommended the mobile crisis team from Child Protective Services, in addition to your suggestion.
• 

  avidbiblereader

  Well I can't sit on my ass and do nothing short of blocking him from getting to my son (yeah I can take a hit) and I don't want to call the cops or get social services involved just yet. So who better to talk to him than a man he respects (yeah for some reason I'm a woman and just don't understand man things ). I know I can't change him and I don't try but we can't live like this and be a family.

  I am sorry that it came off as uncaring MrsJones. It wasn't meant to sound that way and I am sorry. If your husband has a friend to talk to that he does respect than I would encourage him to do so and at least vent to that person, maybe you can get some feedback from that person and hear what your husband is feeling and thinking. It would be better if you could go to counceling as this person can listen to both sides apart from each other and then get both of you together and try and discuss the situation, they also have the proper training. If he is unwilling to do this. I would personally get some counceling for myself or at least reach out to a friend, if neither of these are a possibility then I would try to find a self help book and see what suggestions they give under the circumstances. Maybe a combination of all of these and at least try. Again I am sorry for the lack of insight and effort to give you something. Please accept my apology. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  abr