Probably he really loves his son. But he needs to man up and actually be loving. Even if he doesn't physically fuck his son up, he is w/o question mentally and emotionally fucking his son up. You MUST STOP THIS.
I need to get my husband some help...
by mrsjones5 39 Replies latest jw friends
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JWdaughter
Hi Mrs. Jones, One way or the other, you must protect your child. Tell your husband the consequences of a call to the police and ask him if he understands that you are willing to live with those consequences in order to protect your son. If he IS NOT, then he needs to seek help immediately to overcome his issues.
It isn't just this one son-he is just the focus now. When he moves away, it will focus on another child or you. If he isn't willing to get help, you need to get out.
I think we need to remember all the anger directed to the elders/parents/org in the pedophile situation. You are your sons elder, Mrs. Jones. Please don't let him grow up (or worse, NOT) and resenting you and hating you because you didn't protect him from his father. All your children are living in fear because of this. Your job is to nurture them. This is a nightmare for them all. Please don't let it 'go' for even one more day. Home is where children should be safe and loved. You love them and are a strong woman. Do what you have to!
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lola28
Mrs.Jones,
You already sat on your ass (your words) and did nothing. From your post I can tell that this is not the first time your husband has gone off on your kid, why do you allow it to continue? It's your kid, how can you allow him to be abused ( be it mentally or physically)? Your children deserve to live in a home where they are not afraid of daddy going of on them, you need to find a way to make their home life better, maybe you need to ask your husband to move out for a bit while he deals with his issues, at least then your son would be safe.
Lola
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juni
(((((Josie)))))
That's a good idea to have his minister whom he respects talk w/him. Also you would want to fill in this pastor w/what's been going on. This is serious!
I can understand why you wouldn't want Social Services involved. What often times happens here in Wisconsin w/that department is that they take the kids away to a temporary foster home. Man you just want to avoid that. They can go from the frying pan into the fire w/that agency because quite a few of these foster homes are horrible. And once they get into the system it's hard to get the system out of your lives.
He has to know that this is serious business with you and protecting your children is at the top of your list. See how it goes w/the pastor; keep in contact with him. Also, let your husband know the consequences of his abuse i.e. how it will affect his life - employment, etc. If it continues you will have to have him kept out of the house or seek a place w/your kids where it is safe.
No way should you take the blows intended for your kids. Seeing this will do untold harm to them. Either your husband gets help w/the issues or else he's out.
Know that you can come here for support, but be proactive on your end.
Love, Juni
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bernadette
(((((((((Jonesie))))))))
Want to share my exp if it helps.
Was being attacked - one and only time - I immediately dialled the police. When my attacker realised what I was doing he stopped immediately, he got the message, never did it again.
However every situation is different. Weigh it up carefully then decide
love
bernadette
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garybuss
It sounds like your kids and you need help.
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lonelysheep
(((((((((MrsJones))))))))))
I agree with SixofNine. Damn, I've been where you're son is.
Immediate counseling with a mental health professional (preferably an M.D.)?! If he doesn't do something to manage his anger NOW, get him the hell out of your house!! Your kids (any of them) don't deserve that. You typed this out because you know he does need some help. We're all here for you.
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Abandoned
(((((Josie)))))
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J-ex-W
mrsjones5----------------- It sounds harsh, but the next time it happens, discreetly leave the room and call the police. An officer said to me once, when I was hesitating about having him go confront a boyfriend whose outburst resulted in his accidentally dislocating my finger (by the way he yanked on my hand): The trouble with these a**holes is, if they get away with it once, then they think they can get away with these things all the time. Sometimes just scaring them is enough to make them stop."
I told him how to get to the guy's house, reasoning that---based on my experience with my ex-husband---it was better to get these things nipped in the bud, so that they LEARN the BOUNDARIES and the CONSEQUENCES early on. I knew I wasn't going to go out with him again, but I figured if kept him in check, it could benefit another girlfriend of his down the road.
In your situation, know that nipping it in the bud can benefit your son, you, any future girlfriend your son might have--and your husband, though it might be a LONG time before he is willing to see it that way. --My ex-husband even took my INaction from early on and sort of twisted it in a new way against me: "If you had put me in jail way back when ------- happened, then a lot of the [years of subsequent abuse] would never have happened." Nice new way to 'blame the victim.' [And yet, there could have been at least some truth to that one."]
Call the cops. Let them deal with your husband as a regular assault perpetrator. Don't feel like you need to go easy on him because he is family. That's what keeps these situations recurring. You need to go HARD on him because he is family, and it is the thing that can help stabilize the interactions. Also, realize this is a PROCESS--rooting out the abusive attitudes/ behaviors in the abuser/ household. It will take time and professional support for ALL of you. He needs anger management training at the bare minimum.
Good luck, mrsjones5. I feel for you--and your son. And your husband. Chances are, he would like the drama to stop, too.
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jeanniebeanz
There are so many things that go through your mind... What if I call the cops and he leaves me? What if he leaves me and then my son blames me for depriving him of his father? What will happen if I don't and someone gets terribly hurt? Will the police take my son away from the home even if I call them to report the abuse? Is it really abuse if my son called dad a "Bast*rd"? Did he deserve it? No, I'm sure this is wrong... why can't I just pick up the phone? Why can't they get along? What's wrong with him? What's wrong with me?
What will happen to us?
Find the courage to lay down the law in a way he will understand or make new living arrangements. This guy will RUIN your life and that of your kids if you don't. Been there.
Jean