You Need a Good Talking To

by The wanderer 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Seeker4

  Wow, does this thread bring back memories.
  
  A.) As a teenager I was at a gathering that included a CO. I happened to mention that I liked the architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright, and the CO, in a very condemnatory tone told me: "You sure know a lot about worldly things." It was a nasty little put down.
  
  B.) In my early 20s I was counseled that, if I wanted to serve as an elder, I needed to talk more about "spiritual things" when I was with the other Witnesses.
  
  C.) I was counseled for using the word "being" by a brother who had found an obscure Questions to Readers which said the term should only be used in regard to Jehovah. Also the same with the word emulate. We should not say 'we're trying to emulate Jehovah,' because it means "to strive to equal or excell" and of course we would never want to try to excell past Jehovah!
  
  D.) I've heard elders get into the business of brothers and sisters on everything - jobs, clothes, kids, what they read, what they watch, etc. etc.
  
  E.) When I was an elder, for years I wore various of those woven friendship bracelets, and my kids would often give them to me as presents. I had an elder at an assembly start to give me crap about them, only I happened to be the Assembly Overseer, and I was no longer willing to be the victim of spiritual bullies, of which there are plenty.
  
  God, it makes me sick to think of the boundaries that JW elders and others routinely cross in self-righteousness. It was certainly one of the most unhealthy aspects of the WTS.
  
  S4
• 

  cyrus

  I was one of those brothers that takes sport seriously and im very competitive ,although i never cheat never never the cong was playing softball and as always bros and sisters were cheating and me being me i got a little irate (by a little i mean very and by irate i mean eyepoppingly angry )well this elder shoute out its only a game in reply i shouted back at him if it so unimportant and only a game why are u cheating and encouraging other too as well .h.He got very upset and others were saying i should say sorry i refused and said he is the one who should be saying sorry for cheating ,funny thing is he was cheating on his wife and eventually left her and kids for a worldly woman Another time an elder counseled me on my job saying i was missing meetings and should find something else he kept doing this until id had enough and said ur a window cleaner arent u he said yes .i said george fornby had a song about being a window cleaner didnt he and he had another song where he admitted to being something else didnt he and just turned and walked away THE SONG BY THE WAY WAS CALLED: IM A WANKER :
• 

  LongHairGal

  Seeker:

  You mentioned the word "boundaries". They don't know the meaning of this word. They should get out a dictionary. I would have to say this is probably my biggest issue with them: the fact they don't respect boundaries or even know what they are. I feel that because I am a single woman and there is no man there to tell them to back off they would tend to overstep.

  I had to create boundaries by learning to back off from certain people because they were out and out con artists looking for some favor. They would appear to strike up a "friendship" but there was an agenda. I knew how to say "no" and also to tactfully tell people that certain things are "none of their business". Such as: when some nervy SOB asks me how much money I make or how much money I have saved or what investments, etc. I very POLITELY tell them "I don't discuss these things with people". Also, my job and where I work is none of their business. They only thing they needed to know was that it was "legal" and not violating any scripture.

  LHG
• 

  lilybird

  There was always so much of brothers and sisters looking at others and making judgements of what they should or shouldn't be doing.. And then they would do what they wanted and always had some good reason for it...Brothers who had money to contribute could pretty much do what they liked,,they could serve as elders but not put in time in service, meetings or other elder responsiblities.

  One time, my husband was told that he was considered for MS but couldn't be appointed as I,his wife, was not putting in my required service hours.Never mind that he took care of the magazine counter and went in Saturday afternoons on his own time and organized the new mags and publications that came in.He also stayed past everyone else after the meetings were over,making sure everything was in its place for the publications. The brother who was supposed to be helping him and was made MS..(because he sucked up to one wealthy elder) never put in time helping and he and his wife would quickly disappear after every meeting,, taking credit for all the work but doing nothing !!!

  Its all such a small world of everyone thinking their special and sticking their noses where they don't belong..I am happy I don't have to be part of that phoney life anymore.
• 

  Scully

  Did anyone say anything mean-spirited or become involved in your personal
  affairs so much that it was a major turnoff toward the religion?

  Here's an excerpt from a previous threadof mine:

  We were the host congregation for the CO and DO when our eldest daughter was about 8 months old. My husband and I decided when she was just a few weeks old to have her ears pierced. No big deal. It is a very common practice locally, even among JWs.

  We had the "privilege" of having the DO and his wife work with us in service on the Saturday morning. They rode in our car, didn't offer any gas money (naturally), and gave the impression that because they were really 'special pioneers' they didn't have a lot of money to spare on frivolities like coffee break. So my husband, being a nice guy, and because he was 'reaching out' for privileges and hoped the DO would put a good word in for him, bought coffee and treats for the DO and his wife at coffee break time.

  The DO was seated across from me and my daughter was on my knee, drinking some juice. My husband excused himself to take our son to the washroom. As soon as hubby was out of earshot, the DO changed the tone of the small talk conversation. He looked at my daughter and said with a superior tone: "You got her ears pierced, huh?? Might as well have had her nose done at the same time!" It must have been a test of my 'quiet and mild spirit', which I flunked royally. I smiled sweetly and said "I don't see how it's any worse than having little boys circumcised, as a matter of fact, I believe the Apostle Paul said that circumcision was actually unnecessary for Christians. I don't think he addressed the matter of earrings though, but I'm sure you'll agree that parents are the ones who Jehovah gives the decision making to, and it's really nobody else's business to criticise a personal matter like that. Isn't that true, Brother Johnson?? I'm sure [hubby] would have been interested to discuss the matter with you too, not to mention the principle of headship; so why did you wait until he was gone to bring it up with me??"

  His wife stared at me, and he was glaring at me too. Obviously he wasn't accustomed to having a Sister telling him to mind his own damn business. Rather than going on Return Visits with us afterward as we had planned, he made arrangements for himself and his wife to go back to the Kingdom Hall with someone else. My husband was kind of surprised at the sudden change of plans, and when I told him about our little "conversation" in the coffee shop, he thought it was pretty funny, until I cautioned him against expecting an appointment because of it. He was disappointed, but I said, 'You really don't want to be taking that kind of crap from a guy who doesn't respect your headship over your own family, not to mention how he sponged off you today. If I'd let him get away with what he said today, he'll just keep doing it!'
• 

  undercover

  Looking back, I realize that one of the biggest turnoff’s in
  the organization was when individuals made it their business to become
  involved in your personal affairs.

  Yes, it seems so many JWs just have to be in each other's business. I noticed it even as a youngster and strived, even when still in the religion, to not worry about what other people did. Over the years, I've probably gone too far the other direction, in that I seem aloof and distant to a lot of people because I tend to keep people at arm's length never letting them too close to me for fear of that interference that I was so used to as a JW.

  Even though I've been out for a while now, I still see it. I hear from JW family members about situations where one JW was in another JW's business. When asked why certain JWs had anything to do with the situation, it made the JW telling the story to pause and actually consider why that person was involved. They are so used to and programmed to accept intererence that they don't even question when others stick their nose in.

  I have a JW family member going through some difficult times. Elders have gotten involved, which is bad enough, but recently all kinds of other JWs, both related and unrelated, have started weighing on the situation and making "suggestions". I had no idea what was going on until he came to me and told me a part of what was happening. As he told me some of the situation, I tried only to listen and not offer too much advice. But as he kept mentioning different JWs by name and how so many people were making the situation worse, I finally told him that it was no one's businees except who he wanted to make it their business, including the elders. In this particular situation, the elders are not qualified to give advice as they have no training or experience with the situation. My only advice was to urge my relative to seek real professional help and if anyone who doesn't have business knowing the situation tries to get more involved, to tell them to butt out, it was none of their business. He seemed relieved that someone seemed to understand his stress of dealing with so many busy-bodies.
• 

  GetBusyLiving

  Hey The Wanderer, whatever happened to those cool pics you used to attach with your questions? I loved those man.

  GBL
• 

  The wanderer

  Thank you for the compliment.
  
  Regarding the question as to why I don't attach the pictures
  is because of the objection that it reminded some individuals
  of the Watchtower and Awake Magazines.
  
  The Wanderer