by Messy 47 Replies latest jw experiences
Yes, but not in the sense that you mean. I'm a Manager for Mental Health Services, with an Acute Psychiatric Unit and a Dementia Ward, as well as a range of community-based services
While aspects of your story will be held in common with others, each path is unique. You may also find the writing cathartic
This forum wasn't around when I got the boot. I can remember sleeping in my car for a couple of months and being totally numb and unable to think. Didn't even know about welfare. In shock really. I had no support system to replace my structure that had collapsed and the family was harsh to say the least. The resulting depression led to years of wasted life and my sessions with a phychiatrist was just months of me bitching and yelling. I ended up with Pychosis and it was the most horrible experience of my life. I never thought I would ever come out of that. The witnesses even looked down on me seeing a professional. Without getting into detail this wasted 20 years of my life. Today things are far better. There is much more help out there and understanding now. Everyone they have hammered, is a nail in there own coffin, as the cries for justice get louder and louder. You're in good hands!
Almost forgot, I know of two xjw's with severe phychiatric problems that ended up there.
Welcome, Messy. Yes, I do want to write a book; I'm just writing a bunch of "tracts" here, instead!
I was a wreck when d'f'ed at 15, even though I "decided" I did not want to be a JW anymore and that I was not going to "repent" of that, nor of smoking at the JC mtg. I don't think I ever believed they would follow through with d'f'ing me and then shunning me (forever). Sometimes it's still hard to believe, especially when I think about how young and clueless I was.
I went home after my d'f'ing announcement (the next Thursday, after the JC), and wept all night into my bed, and had to go to school the next day and put up with my family shunning me in my own home until I turned 18 and went to college. Luckily, our relationship was already so shallow, that things were pretty much "back to normal" after the d'f'ing - (shallow, no healthy intimacy, emotional incest, though, little meaningful, appropriate communication) - for the next 25 years, LOL!
I'm pretty sure I developed avoidant personality disorder somewhere along the line, either in early childhood or later, and being a JW did not help. Growing up was horrible and getting out of the house and living on my own has been enormously challenging; like most everyone here, I was just clueless for a really long time; I did not get help from social services for years; I just did not know it applied to me.
Yes, growing up and leaving the borg is messy, but it's worth it. I am very glad I left and never went back and never regretted that, for sure. I just regret that my family is filled with sick @ssholes that I still love, but don't need to be around. It does get easier, though!
Hi Messy, welcome, I'm so glad you found this place and us.
I was stalked by the elders for 3 years after i stopped going to meetings. they followed me, came to my home, my boyfriends home, his parents house, my place of work
I hope that's all over with now! Too bad you couldn't get a restraining order or something - they were really out of line to follow you like that. Pathetic and cruel.
No, I didn't suffer too much after being df'd. It was more of a relief and I do tend to react with anger more than anything else, so no panic, no sadness. Not over being df'd anyway. I later went back for several years for the sake of the kids who were suffering psychologically over my pending death at Armageddon for being df'd though.
Panic attacks are horrendous and I hope that's over too...I've only ever had mild ones so I can't imagine the horror of a full blown one.
Messy,
Welcome to the board! I hope you find the support and comfort you need right now.
Take care,
FreeChick
Don't have to be df'd to get those panic attacks. After they df'd our daughter, by accusing her of fornication, and calling her a liar, etc, etc, my husband and I were so upset he wouldn't go out in the front to mow the yard unless I was with him, we pulled the shades, would not answer the phone-just let the answering machine get it- and had a fear of any sounds outside the door of our house. I am sure we could have used a psych ward or rubber room for awhile.
It does get better. It takes awhile, though. After two years, we go in the front yard and could not care less if anyone sees us.
Hope you realize it's not you. The WTS indoctrination takes some time to get over.
thanks so much for all the comments! i cant believe loving support was just a click away! my hubby was never jw involved and doesnt always understand what im going through but he tries! its so comforting to know i now have somewhere to turn for answers! I feel filled with holy spirit and exhuberance that i was always 'supposed' to feel before but never did. the last 3-5 years have been a struggle. the 2 month stint at the hospital was basically like defragging my hard drive. i was 7-8 days without sleep, i had a urinary tract infection from kidney surgery 3 days before. i also was moving 6.5 hrs away from my hometown the day i had what my psych diagnosed as an 'acute psychotic episode'. so basically, i slept it off for 2 months with some heavy antibiotics adn psych meds. I count myself lucky that my diagnosis was 'acute' and not long-term or permanent. unfortunately, my older and gay brother was diagnosed bi-polar after a trip the the psych centre in toronto, a year after my dad spent 4 months on ground floor psychiatry in our hometown with the same diagnosis. my brother passed away 3 months later, he left us 50+ journals of his thoughts in writing and art. unfortunately although he left the jws when he was 15, he never got over it. growing up jw alone is bad enough. try being gay and a "jehomo" as he was called in school. he had no support in the congregation, no friends (me neither only the sons and daughters of elders were popular) and wasnt allowed to associate with anyone else. if you read my profile you will be given a quick breakdown of the timeline leading up to my disfellowshiping. the biggest reason i want to write is to get my bro's story out there to help gay AND straight jws...maybe even pull the rest of my fam out of the abyss.
love your sister always,
messy jessy
No, but I had a cousin that did. Of course, they would have ended up there with or without the Witnesses. They have issues.
I think the question should be why aren't more dubs being commited they are the insane ones. I mean the keep saying the samething expecting a diffrent result each time. The end is coming in 1914 become a dub. opps no 1918 no 1925 no 1975 no 1984 no 1994 no 2000 no 2004 no 2014. Wow I think I am insane just saying that.
