I don't believe that it's unnatural or weird to love your spouse more than your children. I don't have children or a spouse, so maybe people would think I'm not really a reliable source to speak on such a topic. But from what I can tell, it's true that they are two different kinds of love. But if you have a marriage the way God intended it, the two become one flesh. The marriage relationship is supposed to be an illustration of Jesus Christ's relationship with His Bride, the Church. There is nothing more beautiful or powerful than that. It's supposed to be the most sacred of relationships.
Is it normal to love a spouse more than your child(ren)?
by unbeliever 25 Replies latest jw friends
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RAF
I'm with : those are two differents things anyway it's still love
(it's still weird to say how much more or less ... it's choking somehow ... maybe it's the only reason she said that ... she get's people attention) -
restrangled
While my sons were babies and small boys making their way in life...they were first in my life. Now that they are able to to fend for them selves, my husband absolutely comes first. ....He is the man who has made our lives possible and comfortable....and continues to.....He is top dog in my book.
r.
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becca1
The love I feel for my husband and children is strong but different. If ever faced with a life or death situation, having to chose between my husband or my children, it would be a terrible thing, but I would have to chose the kids. I would hope that my husband would do the same if he were in the same situation.
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sass_my_frass
I'm not a mother and am not going to breed so I can't really comment either, but if I look at it from a reverse situation, I'd have to agree with that lady in that I think that my parents should put each other before me in their priorities. That is, we happen to be in a situation that they kind of have to choose; mum is a very strong witness but dad doesn't care very much. He's sad that I get treated so badly by witnesses and would do something about it, but that would put his marriage at risk. I'd prefer that he stays married, and I fight my own battles. His bond with mum is more important than his responsibilities towards me. I'm fine with that.
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Abaddon
Interesting topic
You choose to take someone as a spouse or a partner, for what they are. It is all about them, and how they effect you (who they have also chosen). You should choose them for them, not them to enable you to breed.
You do not choose children, you get them. You love them because they are you're children.
The loves are very obviously different in nature. But that doesn't mean one cannot prioritise them in some way; you can like a V8 Chevy pick-up and a Mazda RX-7 for very different reasons and have no difficulty in saying which you like best.
My first wife made it very obvious that children came first and I came second as far as love went. We had argeuments because I went to give her a kiss when I got home from work before children. Her prioritisation of love meant the kids were potentially empowered to effect the relationship between their parents - if you love your kids more than your partner your kids can manipulate you and your partner, as they know they will win and still 'have' you.
If you love you partner more than your kids your kids will know where they come. They won't often try to manipulate things as there is no advantage to the manipultion; both parents will be upset rather than just one.
What kids need most is consistency. A stable parental relationship is the best way to establish this, and that is one where the relationship between the parents is what leads the family, not one where one parent is weak enough to create 'sides' within a family where their partner is on the 'other side'.
Of course, maybe the root of this discussion is that some people haven't found the right partner yet, and therefore rather than their relationship being founded about a strong pair-bond it is founded around breeding with an obvious impact on who comes first.
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Gill
What this lady that you saw in the show was talking about, and didn't realise she was talking about, was a different kind of love.
She loves her husband very strongly in one way, perhaps erotic and natural love.
She loves her children very strongly as a mother and of course with a strong natural love, similar to that she feels for her husband.
It's just a 'different' kind of love that she feels.
I would have at one time said that I love my husband more than my children. Only analysing that for a long time made me realise that in reality, there is no difference in strength, just a difference in type.
Also, importantly, the day will come where her kids will leave her, move far away possibly and she will rarely see them. This would not be possible for her to endure if she loved them in a stronger way than her husband.
It is in the end, her husband that she may well spend the rest of her life with, and perhaps suffer a broken heart if he ever left her.
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dobbie
Well to be honest i think it is a totally different kind of love that you have for a partner or your children.
Having said that if you mean if it came to having to choose between them it would be my children everytime.
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Gill
Dobbie - I agree that until a certain age where they can stand on their own to feet, you would feel obliged and strongly to put your chlilds interests above your husbands....DEFINITELY.
However, this is a temporary nurturing that is needed, even though you would still always love them. It is not the 'forever' love you would feel for a loving husband.
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Junction-Guy
Children are always last in the JW religion. Even after Mom was disfellowshipped, she still believed in putting her husband first, Her 3rd husband was every bit as brainwashing as the JW's are, and he tried very hard to turn her against us. He was the most evil person on the face of the earth, I hated him with a passion for years, and it wasnt until I came to grips with the JW religion, that my anger transferred over to the JW cult.