by Vinny 32 Replies latest jw friends
Find out if there is a visitation at a funeral home. That is the only place where the
deceased doesn't take a back seat to the doctrine.
If that is not the case, see if there is an actual funeral to the gravesite. You could
join that, and be present.
Short of that, you would have to put on the suit out of respect at the other places.
Arrive late to the Kingdom Hall. Come in quietly and sit down.
Am headed out for a few hours. If there are any other replies when I return, I will read them then. Your opinions arte VERY helpful! Aloha.
Real quick:
"Find out if there is a visitation at a funeral home. That is the only place where the
deceased doesn't take a back seat to the doctrine."
*** Believe me I hoped that woiuld be the case. But no, just the Kingdom Hall. Strike three for me...
"Can you bring a friend"?
***My wife has faded away and she will be there. The weird thing is they can all talk to her and have to avoid me. Also another neighbor will go too.
That helps. I can hear it now:
"Brother Vinny is coming back" .......
sheesh.
In my state of recovery now, I would go and be polite and offer my condolances to the family even if they've shunned me in the past.
I think think the question to ask yourself is: Will I regret not going?
I would handle it the same way I handled worldly funerals as a Witness: Dress up in best attire and attend in the back or back room, if available. Maybe in the lobby for you, if you prefer--I did that at my grandma's Catholic funeral when I felt like I was giving a bad witness to enter in past the holy water [expectation was to dip fingers in it and genuflect (cross yourself) before going in]. I didn't want people thinking I had done that and being 'stumbled,' so I sat on the steps just outside, in the front foyer. Catholic relatives were just glad I came.
Think about your relationship to this young man, not the...congregation.
Go.
Sorry for your loss, how traumatic. I hope your step son is doing ok. I would go, to pay your respects and support your step son.
Good Luck,
Kate
Thanks for all of your comments. I am planning to go then. It's just I'd rather avoid the Kingdom Hall if at all possible...
He was a really good kid. Lived a double life; but, really it was all he ever knew. Friends, family were all JW's. He just preferred to have fun behind the elders backs rather than give up all friends and family, I guess. I was one of the elders on his judicial committee a few years ago, when we busted him for having a girl spend the night in his bed. Only reproved him though. Said they never had sex. We knew better though. Felt kind of sorry for him since his parents and brother had all moved to another country when he was like 20 or so. We ended up having a lot of good times together just before I left the faith.
The day he bought that motorcycle, about four months or so ago, I knew there was trouble. I sat him down one day and told him about all of the people that I knew, who are no longer here solely due to owning a motorcycle. Yet, he revvvved that thing up so high when just driving through the neighborhood anyway. It was just a matter of time...
Death sucks.
What would you do?
Send a nice card and flowers and stay home.
A close friend of mine who died had tons of friends, df'd, da'd, inactive and active jws. Everyone showed up for his funeral. It was an amazing thing to see, it showed his family that he was loved and he gave love freely. I feel in some respects it was a "better witness" then the typical jw witness funeral that just consists of the standard R&F and no one else.
My sympathy to you and your step son for your loss of a friend.
