Is there really no way you just can be honest with your dad and you grandfather and save the relationship? It sounds your strategy is kind of a time-bomb.. I know you don't want to break their hearts but please please think about your own mental health as well. You can only bend so much before you break... Do you think you will be kicked out of the house if you were totally honest with them?
Regards,
Deus Mauzzim
Although I've been told by my folks that "you can stay as long as you like," I would like to get out before dropping the bomb. I am trying to prepare for the worst-case scenario, in which my whole family decides that I am dead. If I move out before I drop the bomb, then I can save myself some of the confrontation and heartache of being served an eviction notice. Even if I weren't an undercover apostate, I would still like to get out the house, so this must happen first.
As far as my mental health is concerned, I probably already have issues that should be examined by a mental health professional--issues which are more likely to develop in kids growing up in cults. Don't worry about more conditions developing in me that aren't already there. Like I allude to in many posts of mine, I have a "mask" which I wear when in the KH. To my chagrin, the "mask" is becoming a bit more difficult to don as I struggle with holding dissonant theories in my consciousness. But don't worry about that. Growing up in this cult has given me more than enough training in being duplicitous and deceptive.
After comparatively weighing the stress of suddenly dropping the "apostate bomb" on my congregation, and the long-term stress of going undercover, I have chosen to take the long-term stress and gradual build-up to confrontation. The latter is the more difficult stress to endure, but allows me to exit the cult on my terms and in my own fashion. Even by chosing the long-term route, I have help in the fact that I can float on by thanks to family influence.
I appreciate your concern for my situation! The way I want to get out might not be the easiest, but it's preferable to being df'd, kicked out of the house, and flat on my ass. So much the better that I leave home first, CUT THEM OFF, and then be able to cope on my own feet.
