Hi Crumpet, If the question is why I don't beleive in "Gods Organization" anymore, it's because there are to many things that don't add up. 1914, 1975, 144,000 ect. I was once naive and gullable when I first got online in 1995. I was "right" and all the apostates were "wrong". But the more I read the more I learned that things aren't always black and white and there is more than one way of seeing things. I glad I learned what I did, I just wish others around me would see it also. seek2find
Why don't YOU believe anymore?
by Crumpet 31 Replies latest jw experiences
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JamesThomas
There can come a time when the wondrous and infinite nature of existence is mysteriously felt; and in that moment it is clearly seen that attributing the beauty of Infinity to a tiny tribal war god (or any deity) is grossly disrespectful, harmful, and insane.
There is no question that all gods and deities are simply flaccid creations of the mind which when believed in as real, only numb and blind us to the bottomless and vibrant reality of the present moment. They are lies which hide the truth.
I stopped believing because I chose reality.
j
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Seeking The Truth
I grew up in a JW home and attended every meeting plus field service until I was 16 years old and then I left home and the Kingdom Hall. I still went to the Memorial every year but that was it. My father was disfellowshiped for smoking. I questioned why they would treat him so 360 degrees differently when I felt like if they really loved him and wanted him to be a part of the "organization" they would help him; not abandon him... so that was the first thing that struck me as bizarre behavior.
As a young adult (still attending the Memorials only) I wondered why (it appeared) that noone was partaking of the emblems at the Memorial when at other churches every one did. So I began to research it. If there were only 144,000 who could partake of it, then who was counting since 33 C.E.? Surely after 2600 + years that 144,000 couldn't include anyone alive by this time (1990s) could it? But they insisted that to partake if you weren't annointed would mean death; yet the people at the Catholic churches didn't die for taking the bread and the wine.
This lead me to investigate other areas of the "truth" which I had never heard of before. It was surreal to me when I discovered the International Bible Students only came into existence in 1799. Wow, that struck me as odd. But when I found out that they didn't take the name JW until 1931...well that led me to an epiphany! Something wasn't adding up especially since so much of the doctrine is taught about 1914! When I asked questions like well, who was the first JW? The answer was always The Disciples of course! Ok, well then how could a loving and merciful God, Jehovah, allow mankind to be left all alone in this world with nothing but a Bible since 33 CE when Jesus was executed... but waited until 1799 or 1931 to finally make Taze his personal channel???? Something isn't exactly adding up here!
After this line of questions, it became apparent that I was reading apostate literature! I carefully disguised it as wanting to learn more about the origins of my faith. I was told that if the literature I was reading did not come from the WTS then it was apostate. So then I stated than that means that the newspaper is apostate too and the reply was "well, I don't read the newspaper'.
Ok, now coming into the current time, I am attending talks regularly to try to grow closer to Jehovah because I am being emotionally blackmailed about the promise of seeing my two deceased children in the resurrection... and I hear the brother giving the talk say that as unmarried witnesses that we should hold hands with the opposite sex or kiss in such a way as to incite passion. Wait just a minute now; I am single and this concerned me greatly! How do you "court" without holding hands or kissing? Later in his sermon, he said that children should be taught to sit up at the meetings, and not be given coloring books or other paper to draw on, and they should especially not scribble on the literature, that they should have respect... I haven't been back since that day.
Since then I read Crisis of Conscience. I am not looking back but am being abandoned my family. My mother told me that Jehovah will replace me with new children in the new system. What a glorious day that will be I suppose.
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Lumptard
The first thing that got me was the elders in my cong placed a great deal of emphasis on conforming to certain outward appearances. Seeing how gross "sin" was going on without any action being taken and they were so adament about my appearance because it was not exactly the same as was depicted in the WT made me realize that these were the opinions of men and not god...But I thought Jehovah would take care of it so I didn't let it get me down.
A few years later, the elders' dealings with me because I was dating a girl who was raised as a JW, but wasn't baptized (but was going over the baptism questions) really made me think twice. They told me that since she wasn't baptized, then I couldn't date her. I found this unreasonable, so continued to date her and eventually was marked for it. Because of that, I was kicked out of my parents' house (which was encouraged by the elders). 2 weeks before she was baptized, she cheated with a worldly guy and smoked weed, yet she still was allowed to be baptized. W/in the year she was engaged to a JW and is currently a pioneer with a MS husband.
After letting all of this fester for a while, I started looking into a way that I could justify that an organization that allows this type of thing to happen is really led by god. Eventually, I stumbled upon the UN thing and this reinforced what my gut was telling me. I decided to talk to some elders about all of the doubts that I had, but no one could give me a straight answer that quelled my concerns. I'm still searching for the truth.
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found-my-way
When I was 15, 16, I remember feeling very insulted by the awakes, Questions from Youth....Answers that work..(and the book that was released back then, the blue one) My mother then told me to never question what is given to us from the society. My mother till this day, is a jdub parrot. Everything that comes from her mouth starts with the sentence, ''the society says..''.
When i first became a publisher, i really hated turning in my time, i would feel deep shame and guilt if i didnt make the cong average, (you know, like 10 hours). I think I felt tremendous guilt for everything and anything after that...when I moved to another country, where field service is so much relaxed and enjoyable (the sister would waer tshirts over skirt, since they were too poor to own dresses) it was like, wow, this is awesome, we didnt keep records, we just had the bible and would share scriptures with our neighbours...and they all loved talking about the bible...*sigh* nice memories....and i remember thinking, it just feels WRONG to put down 40 or 50 hours that I put in WILLINGLY, for JEHOVAH, not for man, not for some elders to say, heyyyy, wow, good FS report there! I just couldnt stand that thought that they would be commending me for it (since I would have to verbally send in my time over the phone since my records were still with my cong in my home country). That was back in 1990.
When I returned home, I would regularily put in my time, and would put in random hours, random book/mag placements, since it was all a SHAM in my mind anyways, this stupid business of reporting how many hours you put in for Jehovah. What took the cake for me was when pioneers would rant about how they didnt put in 45 more minutes to brinf their time to 60 hours even..LIKE COMMON!!! or how they would have competitions between themselves on how many can put in the most amount of hours in the first week..blah blah blah...it was like, ARE YOU DOING THIS FOR MAN???? Or how some pioneers would lament that they ONLY put in 55 hours, and not 60...LIKE JEHOVAH REALLY CARES THAT YOU DIDNT PUT IN 60!
I was incredulous..I also couldnt agree with armegeddon being the destruction of innocent people, that I cared about, ONLY becuase they didnt accept a bible stucy with a witness...all those children killed....and they kept saying, well look what happened in the flood...so many people died, including children...yup. Makes me wonder what kind of God doesnt give a rats ass about children, yet when Jesus comes to earth, he says, children like ones would be the ones to inherite gods kingdom, and he brought them close to him, and held them lovingly...does that sound like a loving God? yes, funny god wasnt so thrilled with children in the OT.
Then there the issue of the pedofiles, of which there was an uncle married into my family who abused his two step daughters for years since they were small infants....(and wow, the turmoil it coused my family, and it divided my family large!) and he remained an elder for quite some time even afterwards....and wasnt removed until he was brought to court...since the elders in his hall did not believe his daughters, but believed him. especially since there werent 2 witnesses....ugh.(He was the a greatest FAKER, and always made his daughters pioneer so as to keep up a great facade that he was the perfect elder family head)
I'll write more later....
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choosing life
I stopped believing because my heart told me it was all wrong. The abuse of children, the shunning of loved ones, letting people die for a failed blood doctrine-it just feels so wrong. Also I realized the jws don't have any special answers to life's questions. There is no annointed ones with a pipeline to God. It is all just a fairy tale.
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avidbiblereader
Hypocrisy at first, then my own personal Bible reading and allowing my mind to come under the influence of the HS instead of pre-determined teachings already layout for me.
A lack of love was the biggest and the failed teachings coming true, the lack of real knowledge.
abr
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bernadette
Lying, pedophiles and lack of love and abuse of elderly ones.
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Madame Quixote
Oh, yeah, and the specifics regarding the JW experience from the age of 1 until I was 21 or so:
- the constant threat of abuse from JW adults for minor "infractions" like not sitting still through 2 and 3-hour meetings and assemblies
-the actual abuse, ranging from beatings with coat hangers, hands, hair brushes, sticks and vines, shoes belts and such; pinching, screaming and hours-long lectures from momster
-being told that I should just expect and endure "persecution" from school mates because it was a sign of my loyalty to Jehovah
- being isolated from "worldly" potential friends and play mates because of the supposed influence of Satan on them; and having no friends for most of my childhood because I wasn't good enough for the elder's kids who were my age and because they lived too far away and there were hardly any kids my age in the JW org in my area for the first 15 years of my life; my closest companion was my (abusive and mentally ill) mother (whose mental illness was never officially diagnosed until after I left home and which is still not properly treated due to JW inflexibility and influence on her)
-emotional blackmail and emotional incest both from relatives and members of the JW organization, at least daily
-being terrorized by fear of demon-possession from early childhood on
-being shunned as a teen and as an adult for my apparently mystifying rebelliousness against "Jehovah's loving arrangement"
-being labelled apostate for speaking against the JW policies and practices
Oh, yeah, and believe it or not, despite all the abuse, it was really f*cking BORING most of the time, especially sitting through agonizing hours of meetings and assemblies for years on end, just to hear the same mantras, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, like:
"Bad associations spoil useful habits.
We are Jehovah's chosen people.
No one will ever love you the way your "brothers and sisters in Jehovah's organization love you."
Those who fail to blah blah blah
I gotta' go to work.