Can't stop hating....

by ex-nj-jw 16 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ex-nj-jw

  My parents became JW's in the early 60's just before I was born. I was raised as a JW but hated everything about it from a very early age. Going door to door was the worst growing up. Very embarrasing as a teenager. There was so much emphasis on no sex that I became curious at a very early age.

  Had numerous boyfriends most "worldly", some JW's (all the JW's by the way ratted me out, themselves included). Anyway, I walked away from this religion the day I turned 18 and never looked back, my parents and two of my brothers are still active witnesses and because I wasn't df'd they still talk to me (although my relationship with mom is horrible). My parents still try to give me that "the end is near" BS so I don't speak with them often.

  I can't get rid of the deep seated hatred I feel for this cult and its teachings!!! It's been 24 years, you think I'd be over it already!!! Anyone here feel the same?? How do I move on??
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  megsmomma

  I don't know....I feel the same as you because it still affects my life every day.....Like not having a mom....Knowing your family is awaiting your death in armegeddon, ect. I don't know how to stop feeling so mad.
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  fullofdoubtnow

  Hi ex-nj-jw,

  I was a jw for 25 years, and have been out for 15 months, and I truly hate the religion, although not individual jws. My bf has been out for 7 years, and he hates the religion as well. I doubt that will change for either of us, we were so negatively both affected by it.

  We both believe that the best way to live post jw is to not let the wts crap influence the way you go about your life, which we both try not to do, but we won't stop hating it, nor working against it, until either we die or the wts collapses.
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  needproof

  I have been out now for 4 years, and I still find myself thinking about it. I hate them for what they did to my life for 20 years. But then I feel hatred towards lots of things that I don't agree with, but I can't change any of it. It's easy to say 'let go' but I know thats a very hard thing to do. I understand your frustrations.
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  juni

  Welcome ex-nj-JW to the forum.

  First of all you are definitely not alone with your feelings. This forum has hundreds of posters who are experiencing the same things as you. I hope you continue to stay with us and read their experiences and gain insight as to how you might be able to move along in life.

  Sincerely,

  Juni
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  BrentR

  Your story is almost indentical to mine right down to the last detail. I have moved on but the hatred I have for the JW's and even my parents is still very much there and it appears it always will be. It comes down to either it controlling you or you controlling it. Controlling it is the easier path and it is a day-to-day journey. Jumping into the real life and all of the real realities is a good start. Develop a social network of real honest friends and look up other former JW's. When you find them talk and then talk some more.

  Life has kept me busy enough that I have less and less time to dwell on the un-changable past. Getting involved with social type hobbies will open up new people to become adopted "family". There is always a period of time that you can potentially spiral into a destructive chemical based reality. That is one of the bumps in the road that can be turned into a growth lesson.

  I have not found any easy answers yet but when I do I will post them. You have to "create your day" or someone else will do it for you.
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  greendawn

  Hi ex-nj, sorry to read about the difficulty you have in shaking off the JW spell, the same as many other ex members. I say at least you got out early and didn't contribute anything much to this diabolical organisation. Perhaps having a real connection with the world that is decent individuals in the non JW world will help break that subconsious sense of dependance on the JW ideology the myth of Armageddon, the FDS and his special calling, the select religion etc
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  avidbiblereader

  Welcome ex-nj, sorry to hear about your circumstances, I use to hate them but the only one who was losing, the only one being tired out from CARING this around was me. I realized to be better as a person, was to let it go and I prayed until I did, I now feel sorry for them and pray that God forgives them of all the hurt.

  abr
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  truthsearcher

  I received some cult exit counseling notes from someone who specializes in helping JWs and exJWs. Here are the 7 steps to recovery that were stated. It is important to move through the steps to full freedom.

  1. Anger--at self and others for the deception
  
  2. Pain, Grief and Loss--this is important because it helps to break through any denial and lift the veil that had blinded the eyes before.
  
  3. Understanding--why did you or your parents stay in the cult for so long
  
  4. Repentance--recognize your responsibility in staying in and squelching those doubts that you had
  
  5. Love--acknowledging your limitations, accepting them, and moving forward
  
  6. Forgiveness--forgive self, accept God's forgiveness, forgive others in the cult
  
  7. Final Growth--continues as long as you live, looking at the scars without feeling the pain, growing spiritually outside of the cult.
  
  Where do you think you are? Don't get stuck! Many people do and then the cult experience continues to ruin their life even years later. Find someone to help you through it.

  I think that understanding (Step 3) might be a critical step for you right now, what do you think?

  If I can be of any help, let me know.
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  ex-nj-jw

  I'm not sure that I'm at step 3 - I have lived an excellent life since leaving the cult. I've gone onto school and have my Master's in nursing, 3 wonderful children and a marraige of 24 years. I really can't complain, I just want to stop feeling angry at the organization and almost anyone JW that dares to have a conversation with me.

  I can't even be civil to them when they come to my door, I bark at them like a dog until they leave my property!!!

  A co-worker that's a JW was saying that she couldn't say 1 minute past 3pm because she needed to be ready for her meeting and I damn near bit her head off!!!