How long? (page 2)

XBEHERE

of it and if there is no improvement on your part, you can kiss good bye to your eldership.

Yes that is my plan... in fact I will "french kiss" it goodbye and good riddance!

Madame Quixote

Why prolong it with a frenchie? Why not just blow them a kiss?Good luck.

AudeSapere

XBHERE wrote: Truth is my wife likes the status that being elders family bestows upon us and I don't fault her for it, what else can women strive for in this cult especially since she hates pioneering. I don't want to be an elder anymore but if I step aside she may not like it.

I think you may want to consider starting here - with you wife.

Does she work? Does she have a life or identity of her own? Anything outside of the org?

Consider taking a class together. Cooking. Dancing. Art. Photography. Something fun. She could take a class on her own but maybe the togetherness will help to not feel threatened.

Help her to start seeing other possibilities in her life. She may enjoy the funness. From there you could both somehow segue (sp?) into tangible volunteer work - after a while, of course. Hey!! She may enjoy volunteer work now, in lieu of pioneering.

Maybe sit down and tell her you are feeling a little weary from dealing with petty cong issues and the big one issues are getting to you and you would really like to experience what it's like to help people right here, right now. Not that you are impatient, but that it would be good for your soul to provide tangible assistance to someone in true need. Even Jesus and the apostles were able to do to this.

DISCLAIMER: I haven't fully thought this through so please forgive me. Maybe someone else can elaborate on my post and call out possible ramifications to my suggestions.

Keep us posted.

-Aude.

Madame Quixote

I agree with Aude. And know that no matter what decisions or actions you take, if it appears that you are drifting away, you'll get shit from the cong and fellow elders for it.

The trick is convincing as many fellow jws as possible that what you're doing (education, hobbies, skills-building, etc.) is really for the ultimate benefit of the cong and the future (Paradise) of the Society. It can be done; just prepare your arguments ahead of time; afterall, you've been taught a bit about preparation at the KH, huh? And you have the advantage of knowing the counter-arguments against it ahead of time and you have the support here of many who have "been there, done that" as Aude Sapere suggests.

Good luck in whatever you do.

Rooster

My wife left before me so it was easy for me to leave.. And I must say I am the happiest ever.

Tristram

I'm not an elder, but from my experience/ observations, you can muddle through for years. Show up at the meeting for service and then make "shepherding calls." It helps if you have a like-minded elder friend, like my father did when I was younger. I always got to go with him on these calls and basically spent the morning goofing off in the car with my friend.

Most elders are too busy, worn out, exhausted to worry about what you are doing. Unless you have some real zealot, you can get by doing what you're doing for a long time. The only issue may be giving your assigned parts, as most elders/ servants hate picking up the slack for that.

Crumpet

never go out in service on Sundays and seldom on Saturdays.

This describes most of the elders in the congos I attended. They were always having elders meetings or doing shepherding calls. It was non elders that invariably seemed to take the lead in the ministry and pre service meetings. Theer was the odd exception like the odd pioneer elder but that was about it. Being an elder seemed to be like permission not to do so much door knocking.

Also your wife enjoys the status of being an elder's wife? Sorry but elder's wives were generally considered the lowest of the low - disliked, never told the truth and no real friends and not invited to any of the fun stuff. Mainly they only got to socialise with other boring elder's widows!

Crumpet

never go out in service on Sundays and seldom on Saturdays.

This describes most of the elders in the congos I attended. They were always having elders meetings or doing shepherding calls. It was non elders that invariably seemed to take the lead in the ministry and pre service meetings. Theer was the odd exception like the odd pioneer elder but that was about it. Being an elder seemed to be like permission not to do so much door knocking.

Also your wife enjoys the status of being an elder's wife? Sorry but elder's wives were generally considered the lowest of the low - disliked, never told the truth and no real friends and not invited to any of the fun stuff. Mainly they only got to socialise with other boring elder's widows!

NewYork44M

If you:

1) don't say anything that suggests you have talked to or agree with apostates

2) claim clinical depression

you can go on forever. Your serious pressure will come from your family especially your wife if she is hard core.

However, you will eventually face a crisis where you cannot live the lie anymore. So, be prepared.

blondie

However, you will eventually face a crisis where you cannot live the lie anymore. So, be prepared.

Amen, eventually you will have an epiphany. Something that you cannot support the body of elders on. Or there will be one weasel elder that feels it is their mission to get you in line and will starting keeping a book on you. They will start pressuring your wife, maybe even having her spy on you. Or a certain elder you respect will do something so cruel or cowardly that you cannot be part of it.

It's not if it will come, but when. Be prepared. Remember, they are not your friends, even now. Their own ass comes first.

Blondie

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