Honoring Last Wishes - JW Death

by 4JWY 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  4JWY

  I have a dear, long time friend who left the org along with her spouse and teens, about three years ago. Last week, her father, who had always been a sort of JW, died. He left his final wishes in writing that he did not want a "memorial service" upon his death.

  Her brother, who is an elder, has convinced her that they will be having one anyway - of course at the KH.

  She stated her thoughts to her brother about the disrespect she felt this would show to their father and his wishes. But it mattered not to him, as this was an opportunity for 'a witness' (cult sale's pitch)

  I personally am appalled that the dead man's wishes will not be honored. My friend is just going to go along with it, rather than upset her brother. (?)

  I'd really like to hear any of your thoughts on this. How important do you think it is to honor last wishes?
• 

  mouthy

  I'd really like to hear any of your thoughts on this. How important do you think it is to honor last wishes?

  I think this is disgusting. We couldnt be heard in life & now He cant be listened to in death. I think that lady should be ashamed of herself.Our last wishes should be obey I think
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Ridiculous last wishes don't need to be adhered to- like spreading the
  ashes over an active volcano. Otherwise, they should be respected.
  A simple wish like NO MEMORIAL would be easy to respect. Family
  could still gather for a meal, and not break their promise. Any JW
  who has been to a memorial knows that they are just the same talk
  to get to "witness" to worldly family members.

  My grandmother wanted me to eulogize her, make the family and
  friends feel touched by her life. My JW mother knows that her mother
  was not a JW believer, and she didn't even ask about putting "our"
  beliefs into the talk. Everyone said I captured her essence.

  Another grandfather passed away 3 years ago. His wife (my grandmother) died
  more than 20 years before him, and he remarried. His first wife requested
  that they be buried together, he promised, but changed his mind years
  after her death as he was now in a different marriage. That's a bit different.
  Simple requests should be honored.
• 

  Madame Quixote

  If I were in that situation, I would print out the written request for no memorial and mail it to all possible attendees and post it as well at the service being held and place a copy of it in all the seats - just to make it clear that the request was made and was dishonored.
• 

  SirNose586

  If I were in that situation, I would print out the written request for no memorial and mail it to all possible attendees and post it as well at the service being held and place a copy of it in all the seats - just to make it clear that the request was made and was dishonored.

  Good idea. What a great "witness" that would be for everyone!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  At least call close ones and encourage them to honor
  last wishes, and don't go, yourself.
• 

  restrangled

  My Dad Died at age 64. Way too young, an X elder and a confirmed Apostate. My mom and I Took care of him along with Hospice his last few months.

  We were exhausted, he was a difficult patient. He was not one for fanfare and because we were far away from where we all had lived and my Dad had no friends here I suggested we skip any service.

  2 Days before he died my mom (die Hard witness) asked him....do you want to make a statement at your funeral for all the relatives that you really do believe in Jehovah and the society?

  The cancer had gone to dad's brain and he just nodded. He was no longer eating or talking.

  I adamently refused to have a funeral service here. I was furious she did that.

  Thank god I won out. We had dad cremated and there was a service with his friends and relatives in the state he was from. NO JW Crap. Niether myself or my mom went.

  I had lost a brother who was 19, and been through the entire funeral thing.....I won't in my life time do it again.

  My dad always said he was not afraid to die, but in the end seemed to be. I played his favorite song on the piano (Chopin's Fantasiae Impromptu) .....and then held his hand and told him it was ok to go.....

  He sqeezed my hand just faintly and then he was gone.......

  r.
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  ***

  w917/15pp.19-20AlwaysPursueLoving-Kindness***

  7

  Kindness should make us considerate of others and of their proper wishes. To illustrate: Jacob (Israel) asked his son Joseph to exercise loving-kindness toward him by not burying him in Egypt. Though this required that Jacob’s body be carried quite a distance, Joseph and the other sons of Jacob "carried him into the land of Canaan and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, the field that Abraham had purchased for the possession of a burial place from Ephron the Hittite in front of Mamre." (Genesis 47:29; 49:29-31; 50:12, 13) In harmony with that example, should not loving-kindness move us to comply with Scripturally acceptable burial arrangements desired by a Christian family member?

  I don't know why this wouldn't apply.

  I know there was a question from readers about respecting people's last wish. It said that you weren't obligated because they are dead and there is no one to be obligated to. Then agian, it mentioned proper respect for the dead or some such crap. I can't find it. The search engine on the WT library sucks.

  I shall defer to her "studiousness", Blondie....

  W.Once
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  4JWY

  I'm enjoying all your thoughts, thank you.

  We know it is 'all about appearances" so the elder is waiting to put on his show. If he was so concerned about what people would think, if one wasn't held, couldn't he have announced that "the deceased requested that no memorial be held." ? I know I have heard that stated before from the platform when the death was being announced.
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  Hortensia

  "My friend is just going to go along with it, rather than upset her brother. "

  That is how abusive people get their way, one of their methods at least. They make the people around them afraid to upset them. And we enable them by not speaking our minds, and not taking any stand out of fear of "upsetting" them. Let them get upset, maybe they'll get tired of it eventually.

  If your friend wants to honor her father's request, she can stay away from the service. She can't win, so she should do what she feels best and if other people want to get upset, let them. Nothing you can do about other people.