Honoring Last Wishes - JW Death

by 4JWY 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  4JWY

  That is how abusive people get their way, one of their methods at least. They make the people around them afraid to upset them. And we enable them by not speaking our minds, and not taking any stand out of fear of 'upsetting them'. Let them get upset, maybe they'll get tired of it eventually.

  Exactly Hortensia. I shared some of my very strong feelings similar to this in an email to her, along with this quote I have posted on my fridge:

  "Never for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience or convictions."

  She sees herself as non-confrontational, the result of being raised to be 'Sarah-like', so she struggles with this in many areas. I hope one day she will be able to move beyond that.
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  Uzzah

  My father was df'd for smoking in 76. He expressed to both his wife and me that JW's were no longer any part of life and should therefore not be part of his death. He also expressed his desire that I perform the eulogy. Toughest damn thing I have ever had to do.

  The local congregation called and asked if they could send a couple of elders to the funeral service, They actually asked if they could say a few words at the funeral knowing the media would be there. (My dad was holding an elected office when he died) I followed my father's instructions and said no to the elders. Thef act it was a Masonic funeral seemed to elude them.

  Reasonable or functional last requests should be respected. Any other route is the selfishness of the living.

  My 2 cents
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  Warlock

  Not honoring someones last wishes is just evil, in my opinion.

  Warlock
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  Wordly Andre

  In my family there has been nothing but crazy bullshit at a time when there should only be mourning the death of a loved one. A sort of funny thing happend at my aunts funeral, my JW family did not let her NON-JW family say anything at the Kingdumb hall, her family was prepared for this and they stood up and protested the way they were being treated, and after the service "witness" they stood at the door way with a letter to all in attendance with the words of what they wanted to say about their sister, cousin, aunt. Anyway a lot of people JW and NON-JW were shocked by this and it ended up looking really bad for all the "brothers" at the kingdumb hall, so there was a reception planned afterwards and they had said "oh we would like anyone who knew or loved our dear sister to please come up and say a few words. can you say backtracking??? Crap like this makes me want to break out my book of bible stories and resume studying till I am brainwashed!

  At my dad's service I was told that I couldn't go up and say words about my dad, however I respected his wishes up to the point that after his death he was sitting in my sisters closet (ashes) anyway I thought this was not very respectful so I asked all my brothers, sisters and mom what were their plans to place my father, they treated his remains like an old pair of shoes, I thought this isn't right how sick are these people, I with no help of the rest of the family in a catholic cemetary, not out of spite but it was what I could afford at the time.
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  fullofdoubtnow

  It is not right of your friends jw brother to do this. He should respect his fathers final wishes, but I guess it's typical of the jw mindset, not to want to pass up the opportunity to "give a witness" to the non jws present. The funeral talk will no doubt consist of a few minutes revieaing the deceased persons life, and 25 or so minutes of wts crap, with an invitation to learn more at their regular meetings.
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  loosie

  If I were in that situation, I would print out the written request for no memorial and mail it to all possible attendees and post it as well at the service being held and place a copy of it in all the seats - just to make it clear that the request was made and was dishonored.

  I vote for madame's idea
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  4JWY

  Yes, madame's idea was pretty good. If I wasn't clear across the country from my friend and this situation, I would be inclined to follow through with it myself.

  At my own jw mother's memorial, the PO was reading the list of the survivor's names, all of us who were seated directly in front of him. Everyone was acknowledged BUT the one 'worldly' relative present, my mom's sister. With much difficulty, I'd located her while she was on a cruise ship up in Alaska to inform her of mom's death, and she left her vacation to come to this KHell occasion.

  I was fuming that he had conveniently omitted her, so after "Life Without End", I stepped up on the stage and informed him of his 'oversight'. The crowd was already dispersing and he had to step back to the microphone and inform everyone who the lady with the family was, my mom's sister! My aunt has never gotton over it - and I would say that memorial was a 'witness' that backfired.

  Thanks again everyone for reminding me that I am sane in my now xdub thinking (imagine that - thinking!) on this subject of last wishes.

  4JWY