One of the anomalies of the disfellowshipping process is the common situation when someone who is “unscripturally divorced” remarries. In these occasions , the instruction is to always disfellowship the individual , regardless of repentance or attitude - what is referred to as a “honeymoon DF” in elder’s jargon. Hence you have the (to me) bizarre situation of privately reproving a child molester , rapist or murderer one week and disfellowshipping a newly remarried middle aged sister who has been divorced for 20 years the next week. Remember - people are not Dfd for actions but for attitude , as one long time CO was keen to point out.
Elders won't take any action against the remarried one if the one (or more) of the following factors are in place (factor 4 is now inadmissible , but I include it for reference purposes):
(1) Death of former marriage mate (FMM).
(2) Proof that FMM has engaged in sex since the divorce (eg has remarried , is known to be in a live-in relationship with another or has confirmed , in writing or in front of two witnesses (eg by phone)) that he / she has recommenced sexual relationships.
(3) Evidence unearthed that the FMM engaged in adultery during the marriage but that this wasn’t “dealt with judicially” at the time or didn’t come to light until later.
(4) Evidence that the FMM demanded “unnatural” sex during the marriage (now inadmissible)
One paradox , often exploited , is that if the divorcee engages in sex during the courtship , then repents and is (often privately) reproved , they can then get remarried without any judicial action whatsoever (as they are free to remarry). Hence , the system actually encourages them to engage in premarital sex - surely not what it was designed to encourage.
Another paradox is that even if the newly married individual states that he / she will not be engaging in sex with his / her new partner , they are still Dfd. A famous case took place a few years ago in Britain where a long term male divorcee remarried (unscripturally) in his 70’s. He had doctors notes to confirm that he was impotent and both him and his new wife drew up a sworn affidavit legal statement pledging that they would not engage in any form of sexual relationship and would live in separate homes - they simply loved each other and wished to be married. Despite this , following consultation with Bethel , the man was Dfd.
In another case , a sister wanted to get remarried. Her ex-husband had had a string of affairs since the divorce. But when the elders approached him , he denied any sexual activity , claiming that he had been “as pure as snow” since the divorce. Of course , he was only saying this to take revenge on his wife. The elders knew it but without categorical proof that he was lying (DNA , video evidence etc) they had no choice but to DF the sister following the remarriage.
Of course , in most cases , the Dfd individual is reinstated in the usual 9 - 12 month time scale. But on what basis are they repentant? Are they sorry to be have been married - if so , surely another divorce (or at least separation) would have ensued as proof of this. Is it not simply the case that disfellowshipping is simply a punishment in these situations? In most cases , it is simply that the remarried one has been regular at meetings during the shunning process that “proves” a good attitude. The fact that they were regular at meetings , regular on the ministry and exemplary before the wedding is not held as proof of a good attitude. Confused?
Any comments - maybe from elders / ex-elders with experience of these cases , or those who have been through this judicial process…