Are you disfunctional after being a witness?

by Save My Soul 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Save My Soul

  After not embracing many of the key practices of the witnesses (since 1995), I find it hard to fit into society in some ways.

  Pre-generation change, I was reading the bible to justify celebrating my sons 3rd b-day. I knew of the common examples cited by the society, but wanted more. After examination I noticed how Job's children appear to have celebrated birthdays. The angels also celebrated Jesus' birth. This was all of the justification I needed. I later found that many witnesses acknowlege the birth of their children with cake and ice cream. They never tell anyone.

  I have found after many years as a witness, it is difficult to acknowlege / participate in common worldly practices. I have always taken my mother out on Mother's Day, but other activities are difficult. Anniversies, birthdays and common celebrations are hard for me to acknowledge. I feel uncomfortable at the company Christmas Party, despite it being merely a dance with music and alcohol. I am desensitized to compassion in some ways. In the org. it was always US (witnesses) vs. Them (bad, evil seeds of Satan that will die in any second). I find myself still lacking natural concern as the typical JW.

  (We (JW's) have the truf, so we are better than those people)

  Do you have similar problems regarding anniversies, birthdays, celebrations, parties?
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  jwfacts

  I still feel dysfunctional . What I hate most is that constantly throughout the day I keep thinking about what a JW would think about a situation. I have spent endless hours proving why the JWs are wrong, and no longer feel any guilt doing things censored by the Watchtower, but still can not stop thinking that as a JW I would have felt guilty doing it. I do hope that the whole JW experience becomes less and less relevant.
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  Junction-Guy

  Well after many years of denial and shame I came to the conclusion that I was dysfunctional due to my upbringing in the JW's. So yes I will admit that Im dysfunctional, but that is all about to change really soon.
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  tijkmo

  yes...now get lost

  (see what i did there)
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  justhuman

  Actually NO...I FEEL GOOD CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAYS, NEW YEARS PARTIES, CHRISTMAS, EASTER, AND MANY OTHER CELEBRATIONS...
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  Junction-Guy

  just to clarify things up, I do enjoy celebrating all the holidays without guilt, when I said dysfunctional I meant that I wasnt prepared to deal with marriage, life, career etc etc etc. I love the holidays though.
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  greendawn

  I was for a while after leaving the dubs but then relatively quickly reconnected with the rest of society at a real level having a girlfriend, celebrating Christmas, getting over the Armageddon fear etc.
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  Dismembered

  Greetings Save My Soul,

  After years of watchtower indoctrination we too (my wife & I), have found it difficult "to get into the swing" of what others, take for granted. Although we wholeheartedly desire to celebrate the aforementioned holidays and celebrations it hasn't been that easy. I'd say the biggest reason is just not being conscious or "in the groove" as those who are used to, and who've never given celebrating them a second thought.

  We've had the good fortune of our neighbors, who have invited us over to share in their holiday celebrations. This, after years of smug and popinjay watchtower attitudes we displayed toward them. All the time thinking how much better than them, we were, for being brave enough to not celebrate them. How we thought they were so enslaved. Suffice it to say we are elated to be out of such a crazed and all controling cult.

  Xmas is a big one for us. My wife would love to have a tree, but I'm just to damn lazy to put one up. So we help our neighbors with theirs.

  Dismembered
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  Outaservice

  Well, I'm sure all of us carry some sort of 'baggage' with our ingrained Watchtower values. The problem is sorting them all out as to what is Godly and what is not.

  I presently do not celebrate Halloween and probably never will. Some entertainment is still a big 'NO'. But most other Holiday's, yes, yes, yes. A time for family bonding, showing love and concern etc.

  Outaservice
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  looking_glass

  I was never isolated as a jw. I always had a huge group of jw friends. I was also allowed to play w/ the neighbor kids. But I mostly hung out w/ jws. When I started working, I made friends fast and have kept those same friends that I made from years ago.

  What is interesting is that you point out that you equate not celebrating the holidays w/ the feelings of being isolated and unable to connect w/ people. To this day I do not participate in many of the celebrations, because I do not wish to be dictated to (i.e., x-mas, easter = a man made date where I am required to buy a present or present something to someone else ... I give gifts on the spur of the moment when something hits me and I see something someone I know would like, not because it is a holiday). I do participate in b-days. But most of my friends are adults who have kids and their kid's b-days are important to them, but to them, their b-day is not important. We may do a b-day dinner for a friend, but that is the extent of it.

  I agree w/ you, for those who were of the mentality that they were better because they were a jw, those people have to isolate themselves and I could see where they would have a hard time mainstreaming back into the real world after having been in the religion for a period of time.

  I know many who have left the religion, some have had an easy time getting and keeping friends, some has struggled. In the end, you will find your place and your people. Give yourself time. We are a fast food generation so we expect everything in 2 seconds, if it is a friendship worth keeping, it may take a while to establish.