Are you disfunctional after being a witness?

by Save My Soul 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gordy

  When I first left the JW's it was a bit difficult in the sense of going out and mixing with people. But now that has passed and i will go out on my own for a drink.

  Birthdays etc. presented no problem, except in trying to remember them.

  Christmas no problem in the sense that I don't do the tree and decoration thing, mainly because I can't be bothered.

  I only have one big problem. Women.

  I cannot relate to them.

  I think its because my JW wife, of 22 years at the time, gave me no support through the time of my depression. She did not protest when the Elders told her I had to leave the family home. All she was worried about was her standing in the congregation.

  Consequently I have found that I go on the "defensive" if a woman talks to me socially. I put a barrier up. I'm friendly but thats its.

  I did try 2-3 years ago to have a relationship with a lady. But it didn't work out I just didn't feel right. I just felt that it would not work out, a could I trust her attitude.

  Don't get me wrong I would love to meet someone. But there are two feelings I am battling. The distrust of women and that I am not good enough for anyone. Not much money and I carry a lot of baggage, as they say.

  I suppose thats why I never bothered getting divorced yet.

  Apart from my children who are still in contact with me. I have two sons who live with me. I also attend a church and go out quite often.

  I can't expect my sons to always be around or keep me company.

  I would like to meet someone. Its not just for the physical side of a relationship. But you do need someone to talk to, to go out with to enjoy things with.

  I'm 56 in a couple of months so probably resigned to being on my own.

  God don't I sound a sad old man (cue violins)

  The Watchtower certainly messes peoples lives up in many ways.
• 

  dedpoet

  Not at all. I left in November 1999, and celebrated Christmas and New Year just over a month later. I walked away not believing any of it to be the truth anyway, having researched the doctrines while I was still in. I was in 8 years, and did keep in touch with a few pre jw mates who were very happy to see me emerge from the brainwashing relatively unscathed. I'd actually been going out for a beer once a week with them for a couple of months before I left anyway, so my social life was just about back on track when I left the kh for what I'd already decided would be the last time.
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  LongHairGal

  I am sure I have some residual dysfunctional qualities because of my long association with the JWs but I am sure they will fade over time.

  What I no longer have is guilt over holidays or birthdays. These things may be trivial but what they represent to me is JWs differing just for the sake of being different. For one thing, I believe Job's children were celebrating their birthdays. As far as holidays: when I was an active JW, I spent many a holiday home alone cut off from the human race, wondering to myself if Jehovah is pleased because I was home staring at four walls. I also wondered where other JWs were and I heard they weren't all out in service either. I am sure most of these people couldn't care less if I was alive. I felt like John the Baptist in the desert eating wild honey and locusts. I got tired of this nonsense.

  Now, I accept any and all invitations and am grateful to be part of the human race again with all its flaws.

  LHG
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Are you disfunctional after being a witness?

  As a fader, I cannot vote, celebrate birthdays or holidays, etc. etc.

  It is very difficult at work, and I have had to inform some of my fading, so they
  will give me some space when an issue comes up.

  My wife was so excited to read some secular report on the pagan origins of
  Valentine's Day, so I reminded her that virtually everything has pagan origins, and
  the WTS even acknowledged in the past that what matters is the present view of
  a matter, not everything in it's past. I mentioned customs involved in marriage and
  decorations that were left up at the Assembly Hall purchased in Queens, NY.
• 

  Lady Lee

  jwfacts

  I still feel dysfunctional . What I hate most is that constantly throughout the day I keep thinking about what a JW would think about a situation. I have spent endless hours proving why the JWs are wrong, and no longer feel any guilt doing things censored by the Watchtower, but still can not stop thinking that as a JW I would have felt guilty doing it. I do hope that the whole JW experience becomes less and less relevant.

  This is actually a good thing. You are assessing your growth away from a very controlling lifestyle. It is a measure of how far you have come and provides needed validation for the choice you have made to leave. As you accept the validation as part of your recovery at some time you will see you no longer need it anymore.

  dismembered

  Xmas is a big one for us. My wife would love to have a tree, but I'm just to damn lazy to put one up. So we help our neighbors with theirs.

  You should get one of those artifical trees that come out of the box with the lights already on. It takes about 5 minutes to set up. My daughter has one and I couldn't believe how fast easy was until I saw her do it

  BTW It takes a lot longer to decorate it so that should keep both of you happy

  When I think of dysfunctional I think more of the difficulties a person might have in communicating without using those JW buzzwords. They are so ingrained. Learning to talk real English was a challenge for me especially since I had little contact with non-witnesses.

  And getting all those odd beliefs out of my head was an interesting challenge. Many I didn't realize I still had until I was confronted with various incidents that made me think about what I really believed