First and formost, a big thanks to all those who responed to my post! I have made peace with my GF for all who may be worried about that. She is strong and good to have put up with this for going on 3yrs now. SHe new next to nothing about the JW's when we first meet and I felt very wierd trying to tell her about it (since she is a worldly outsider, how could she possible relate. So I thought) but she knows quite a bit, even stuff I did'nt know when I meet her, because of some of the documentary's and pod-cast's and articles on the internet I have read and shared with her since. (ex. eight foot tall parimid at the grave site of C.T. Russle). So she is kind of used to my "lose of control" ever now and again, although I have made allot of progress in that regard. Mouthy, I would like to thank you for your heart felt reply, you are like a grandma to a person who lost both of there's to soon in life! And I do still have faith in God, I have been reading the Bible this past year more than I ever did inside the organization! IT's strange you say pray to the Holy Spirit, because I have been praying for the Holy Spirit more this year than ever before in my life. In my Bible reading I now take things more at "face" value than I did before, like where Jesus says, "if you although being wicked know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so will you Father who is in the heavens give Holy Spirit to those asking for it?" and you know what, I pray for it by Name now. Before I would ask God to help my with my sinfull attitude but now I ask for the Holy Spirit, itself. My mom after being in the "Truth" for 40+ yrs. and raising four kids in the organization during all that time and dispite her knowing that the socity it's self encourages daily Bible reading can't seem to read it daily, at least by itself; outside of the daily text and/or the magizines. Thinking deeply about this especaily since I had been reading it, (and we all know I am spiritualy dead...lol.)on a daily basis, thought about how I never read it while on the inside, and came to the conclussion that if you try and read it on your own as a JW you have to not "think" about it lest you come to the wrong conclusion, thus you (or at least I) find it very non-interesting while you read it solo with-out back up from the "rightfull" interpreters the GB! Thus why read it! I think that's one of the reasons that despite everything I still have never to this day read it cover to cover! Anyway I am off work this week on vacation from my job and just wanted to say yes I have many problems still and they are on a daily basis, but I am couping, and your remarks have helped me allot, thank you for the kindness so far my true Brothers! Corey
