by XBEHERE 46 Replies latest jw friends
It does take a while to pull the women out, and they don't always come.
Sheesh, that hit me wrong this morning. It's not like we're mackerel being sucked from the sea. I think it is better to look at our partners as having free minds and free will. They may join us or not. All we can do is supervise their transformation (if they want to come along).
I lost my wife. She had cognative dissonance believe what the WT said about me my character evil apostate or what she knew personaly. If I had my time over again I would do things different No direct challange to WT authority but covertly lead your wife to the same conclusions as you have before you show your hand. You need to avoid trigguribg her emotional fear of losing her misplaced security. As witnesses we where indoctrinated into putting our trust in the WT they spoke with and claimed all the authority of God as well as poisonong our minds against any other christians who met in other denominations. So effectively that they the WT could tthen say where else can you go?
My advice go easy take your time watch your wifes emotional reaction when you mention something that challenge her trust in the WT. One tack might be to enlist her aid in dealing with the issues that you have that challenge your faith in the WT take them beyond the local elders they are only doing what they are trained to do by the WT All the best Bob
Welcome Axeman. If I understand this correctly, your suggestion is this-
One tack might be to enlist her aid in dealing with the issues that you have that challenge your faith in the WT
"Honey, I don't want to be weak in faith. Maybe we can study this together.
I have doubts about ...., so let's look it up in the wt library, the Proclaimer's book, let's see if we can
both understand it."
I tried that, but my wife won't do it. It is a good idea- but for me, it would have had to have been done
a few years ago. There's a success story from a guy who believed he was anointed. That was his
route. He had an open family study which included "What do others say about this belief? How will
we be able to tackle it in field service until we understand why they believe that way?"
There is some extremely good advice here. I am in a similar situation and recently resigned as an elder. As some of the others stated, I refused to do any more parts, go to any more elder meetings, and did let it "slip" to a few in the congregation that I had stepped aside because it was really obvious.
Also, in regard to the wife, mine had the same reaction as X's. I really don't know which way to turn but I think all the advice is terrific. Going slow and allowing her to digest is a good plan.
xbehere - you have a pm.
My wife and I had a few fights about me leaving but now its cool. I was actually sad for her because I know she is the sister with an unbelieving husband and goes alone. We used to sit with my arm around her the whole time.
Lately we have had some good conversations that she never would have had when I first left. I have decided to respect her choice to choose her own religion but now that time has passed I no longer feel the need to be careful what I say to her. She is having a much more open mind lately.
Best of luck with your situation. I hope love and cool heads prevail.
Going slow is the best and preferred way with the spouses. One that I have never been able to perfect. What I will say is that almost no JW wife objects to her husband stepping down as an elder once she realizes that her husband will be with her. WT uses the lame excuse to justify telling wives to sacrifice their husbands that if he wasn't serving the congregation he would be "hanging out" with his friends. Well thats just not true for many kind and considerate men. Especially those with children. Also, stepping down instead of being removed involves a lot less emotional trauma as one's qualifications don't get evaluated in front of the body and possibly the CO.
In my case my doctor was most definitely involved. And when he put me on five different pills for cholesterol, pressure etc, that convinced everybody.
tsof
I can't see why is it so imperative to attend meetings? Isn't developing a Christian character more important than attending JW meetings to hear boring talks? But everything in the dubs is so regimented and socially controlled.
let it "slip" to a few in the congregation that I had stepped aside because it was really obvious.
I think that's a great idea! Use the congregation to spread the word, let gossip work it's magic. Let the work out, you're depressed, you're overworked, etc..... That's what I did, and it worked, because the congregation had already accepted it as fact, since it was already circulating.
Hang in there! My wife didn't react to well when I first vocalized my inability to sit through the book study, then other meetings. She gave me the same lines, especially
the one about being the ONLY balanced elder that the publishers have. Well, if I am the only balanced one this religion can produce out of 14 to 17 at
any given time (one elder recently went totally OUT OF THE ORG at our hall), and I DON"T believe the BS anymore, what does that tell her about the religion?
I hope I am an example to the pubs. and they follow my lead!
I tried that, but my wife won't do it. It is a good idea- but for me, it would have had to have been done
a few years ago. There's a success story from a guy who believed he was anointed.
Yes xbehere I read that success story and that is what I had in mind. And as you say it needs to be done early. When I had that window of opportunity I was not aware of how the WT mind controll worked Thought it was simply a matter of presenting the facts " Look at this they are a fraud" Big mistake She was immediately on the defensive At one time she was asking questions and her WT mindset was being challenged. She ran them past the elders and came back with the warning watch him he is very clever. No rebuttal Just the advice trust us watch him.
This is a classic The neighbour's boy was working for me and one day my ex at the time my wife said "Did you witness to him" Yes I said I told him how Jesus came invisibly in 1919 and put the WT in charge etc etc Her response You should have a millstone put around your neck and thrown in the sea Me Why? What did I say was wrong? She "He is not ready for that He is only ready for the milk of the word.
