Junction, I wish you the best, I hope this brings you the peace you long for, I do have some concerns for your efforts, you could be pissing in the ocean and think you are bringing up the water level.
Many have walked where you are headed, to me, the best way to recover is live life to the fullest and enjoy your life as a Christian or otherwise, but as my sign on is obvious, I chose Christian, but nonetheless only wishing you peace and success.
abr