It is very confusing--but I think an important point being made here is that the org keeps all its members in a state of fear one way or another. My Mom recently told me that she had always hoped armageddon wouldn't come soon because she wanted all her family to have the chance for paradise and most of them were either never a JW or DFed (like 2, sometimes 3 of her kids).
Then I had an amazing talk with my currently active JW brother who does talk to me. He was in town to visit our Mom and came to my house. I knew what was coming by the "look" on his face. Sure enough, he began by asking me why he and I had grown up with the same teachings and it had stuck with him but not me. (BTW he has been DFed 3 times and is on wife #4--he had to do the old commit adultery, get DFed, get remarried to the one you want, and then get reinstated routine that so many of them go through. I don't disdain him for this--I feel sorry for him) I won't go into all the bickering back and forth we had, but what he said at the end of our conversation just blew me away.
Our mother is in her mid eighties and in poor health. She is inactive and only goes to the Memorial. She herself tells me that she is doomed. My only sister is inactive but still claims to be a JW. My other brother is Dfed, as I am. Our Dad died fifteen years ago--still an active JW. Anyway, my JW brother at the end of our conversation put his arms afound me and was crying quietly. He said:
"Please, please honey, think about what I've said. I don't want to have to tell Dad in the new system that I'm the only one here."
Now, I can understand his attitude about my DFed bro and me--and maybe, possibly my sister, but what kind of mentality asumes that God is going to murder an 85 year old woman who has been a good person her entire life, never cheated on her husband, did her best to raise her kids, never cheated, lied or stole a thing--she is honest to a fault--and at this point her only sin is that she does not attend meetings or go in field service because of physical fraility and extreme shyness?