My real childhood experience (page 2)

Junction-Guy

Ok so high school was going Ok,

I was starting to catch myself looking at guys more, and doing alot of comparisons to me. I started feeing guilty about these attractions, but I didnt have any real sexual desires for them either, just mainly admiring different guys.

Well the guilt followed alot, compounded by the fact that I didnt have a girlfriend. I was really a miserable and mixed up kid by this time. I didnt know which way was up.

Well after high school I stayed in Dayton for about 3 years, and still no girlfriend. I tried, but I couldnt find one that would fit into the box that I was living. I was holding off on dating until I could make up my mind whether I wanted to get baptized and find a JW girl, or whether I was gonna finally give up, live worldly and be destroyed at armageddon.. I was still attending the kingdom hall occasionally then, and smoking the whole time.

I had to find that perfect girl that would fit my situation with the JW's and hopefully she could adjust to me, if I were to change course and become a full fledged JW. I guess you could say I was trapped in between, and didnt know which way to go, I put my happiness on hold, while waiting for my answer to join the JW's

More to come, keep reading.

anewme

Your childhood and teens sound very lonely indeed JG. My heart goes out to the young man that was you.
Please continue on.

Anewme

lfcviking

This is very brave of you sharing this with us mate. I take my hat off to you.

Junction-Guy

Well I remained in Dayton until 1992. I worked at Pizza Hut delivering pizzas, and had quite a few friends, and even a good male best friend that I hung out alot with. Life was going Ok, money was tight though. My Mom was suspicious of my best friend Todd, she thought he was gay, I didnt though, he was just a cool guy that I hung around with. I never told them about my childhood and as far as I know I didnt tell them much about the JW's either. I felt so much like damaged goods, that I made sure to keep that all a secret.

While working at Pizza Hut, the assistant manager in the course of the conversation told me that she was FreeWill Baptist. I had alot of FWB family in Ky, so I felt that we had something in common. We talked alot, and she invited me to church. I went, not knowing what to expect, but I found the sevice to be intriguing, so I kept going. I was even still going to occasional meetings. In fact I went to the kingdom hall one sunday morning, then went to evening church services that same night, talk about funny--LOL

Well I developed a crush on her, as she was very beautiful and blonde. Then I started to feel guilty about lusting over a married woman, the situation became very volatile at work as people could see that I was crushing on her. My boss finally told me to get it out of my head, that she was a married woman and I was much younger than her. Well she quit going to church, and eventually had an affair with a very effeminate guy at work, everyone thought he was gay, in fact he was bi. Well I enjoyed the church services there, and kept on going, even though she quit church altogether.

More to come.

DJK

Im leaving out quite a bit here, Let's just say that during my whole school years I would lay awake at night and wonder,why? Why did I have to be born into this environment? Why cant I be a normal kid, and be allowed to have normal dreams and goals?, Why cant I just be allowed a normal life?

I can relate to that for sure. My parents never had marital problems and we didn't move around a lot. I never had same sex thoughts but everything else I can relate to.

jaguarbass

I remember my Mom telling me that I couldnt celebrate Christmas or birthdays, once I started school I found out that there was alot more I couldnt celebrate. I remember very well being excused from class to go and sit by myself, while the other kids were having their parties. This was already isolating me from my peers, and I was already starting down that path of being a "loner".

Wait a minute junction guy, That's my story.

Junction-Guy

Well during the above time period I was still having alot of thoughts towards guys, but it mostly wanst sexual. I fought them hard, and was really confused.

I decided to move to KY in April 1992 and I immediately got a job at Domino's Pizza. I made quite a few friends there and life was going great, until 2 things happened. I changed jobs, for a much better paying job with benefits. Also I started going back to the kingdom hall regular with my JW cousins. The new job was awful, I hated it. I was a loan officer and a bill collector, but the main reason I hated it was because my boss was a smart aleck, I literally despised the guy. I remember hearing him whisper to other people, "He's 22 and no girlfriend, that's not normal, something is wrong with him" He was all time making remarks about I should be finding a woman, and why Im still single.

I was going to the Kingdom Hall then too, and my cousins decided to switch congregations to another county. I followed them to the new congregation, and the people seemed much friendlier, and it seemed more upbeat. There wasnt many people my age there that were single, but there were some married couples there my age and it seemed OK. There was a girl there that was 17 (legal age in Ky) and we would flirt with each other before and after the meetings. I regularly attended meetings, as I enjoyed seeing her.

Well I made the mstake of telling my cousin, and then I got the same old spiel "Dating is only for marriage, and neither of you are ready for that" "besides Armageddon is coming and you need to put spiritual interests first" I was growing angry at her comments and we had an argument on the way home from the meeting.

Well I decided to shop around the various congregations in Eastern Kentucky to see what kind of female companionship was available if I were to get baptized. I went to every Kingdom Hall from Ashland to Pike County looking to see what was available, and the results were grim. I found the 18-25 crowd mostly absent, and the only available women were divorcees in their 40's. Most of the congregations in that region were elderly people.

It was this time that I finally had to re-evaluate everything and either decide to dedicate my life in service to Jehovah or move on and live as a worldly person and die at Armageddon. One night after thinking this over and over, I finally just said "the hell with it, he can destroy me if he wants, Im gonna have a normal life it it is the last thing I do"

From that day forward I decided that I was gonna date whoever came my way. I started looking around, but unless you are a church goer in that region you are pretty much out of the social scene. Eastern Kentucky is a strange place. You have both worlds there, you have the church going, non drinking crowd, or you have the redneck dope smoking,beer drinking types. There isnt really much else to choose there, unless you fit into one of those 2 types.

Gonna pause again and then I will tell how I met Amanda.

Junction-Guy

Wow, what im gonna do is work up to the marriage part, and then call it quits for the night. I can do one later on the marriage itself, but I must discuss that more with Amanda.

We had fun listening in on the radio traffic as we knew all police and firefighters there, even had their call numbers memorized. There were many a night that we all would pile into the car and go check out the house fires, the car wrecks, the forest fires, we even helped with the search and recovery of a drowning victim, we helped watch the river with spotlights.

I had a decent social life, and lots of friends. I finally decded that since public service was my main interest that I would become a reserve deputy there and I would have been a good asset as I knew so much about the layout of the county and the people. I had picked up an application from the Sheriff, who was the nephew of my step-great grandma, and I thought that would be a cool way to spend some free time.

Well Amanda's Mom was my boss a Domino's Pizza and one day I mentioned that I would like to find a single girl, and she told me she had a daughter who was 18.

One more post, and I defnitely will call it quits.

Junction-Guy

Ok to finish this up quickly, I will make this brief. I met Amanda, and it wasnt really love at first sight, it was more of a relief as her mom chose the worst picture to show me of her. Once I saw her in person I felt much better, but was still nervous about things, because for once in my life I was free to choose whoever I wanted without the BS of the kingdom hall.

Well we started dating and seeing each other, and we had pre-marital sex, and lots of it. We both were enjoying each others company. I forgot all about the application that I picked up from the sheriff, and devoted every minute of my free time dating Amanda.

We started living together, and we had to hide it from our landlord who was a preacher. Those days were alot of fun and I miss them tremendously.

Finally after 2 months of dating, I decided that "it's now or never" "you may die and never have the opportunity to get married" So I hastliy proposed to her, at the laundromat of all places, and then called my Dad up immediately (if I remember correctly) and we started making up our guest list that day.

We were married July,23 1994 at my uncle's house in the junction, as we call it.

Things go downhill quickly as we realize marriage is a big step, and we werent prepeared either emotionally or financially for it..

That's all for tonight.

I will give more of my opinions of my life in another thread. I hope I didnt bore you so far.

LeslieV

Thanks for sharing I look forward to "The Restof the Story." Keep it coming.

Leslie

My real childhood experience

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