Our son is in jail for a crime. My fam says its my fault for leaving JW's.

by ontarget 27 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ontarget

  My wife and kids left JW's 7 years ago. All seemed well and then last week my 20 year old son committed a crime and is now in jail 1500 miles away. It is not like him at all to do this. Everyone that knows him says he is a good kid. We have never stopped having good morals. It could be mental imbalance, could be meth, I don't know.

  I do not have much contact with the rest of my family because they have disowned me, however I called and told them about this, thinking that they could help us deal with this. They responded by blaming me for leaving the witnesses and screwing him up by leaving. They do not want to give any moral support to us or visit him because we are not witnesses. I do not condone what he did but I just want him to know that there are people that love him and want him to get help. I think he could have gotten himself into trouble even if we stayed witnesses.

  What do you think of all this?

  We are extremly distressed over this so please be nice. If you are feeling grouchy and want to tell someone off please write to the governing body or something.
• 

  Lumptard

  A person's exiting a religion has nothing to do with personal responsibility. Your son is responsible for the actions that landed him in jail. I'm sorry, but your family is simply too self involved to see the real issue. You need support and you need to be able to reassure your son that even though he screwed up, that his family still loves him. Obviously the family that you talked to does not want to adress that need, so you need to reassure your son that you can be counted on no matter what... It is truly sad to see such a lack of love and misplaced alegiance. I wish you the best in this difficult time.
• 

  hubert

  Lumptard said it all.

  Just be there for your son.

  Hubert
• 

  Bstndance

  I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope you don't take to heart what your family has said and blame yourself for what your child has done. As you stated he is 1500 miles away and obviously an adult who makes his own decisions whether good or bad. I know it sucks to hear such bitterness from your family. Naturally, we turn to our family when we need support. However, can you really expect anything more from a group of people that disowned you? It goes to show how unhealthy the witness way of thinking is and how much of a better person you are for not continuing in that way of thinking.

  Meth is a huge problem. I really wish law enforcement would spend more time trying to crack down on meth than on other tasks. I hope your son gets the help he needs to get him out of his situation. Sometimes a good "kick in the pants" such as getting arrested can help someone see the light. One of my best friends from years back became a meth addict. He would always swear he was off of it but I could tell he was lying. It really distroys the trust in a relationship. Most meth users want to get off of it but can't because of the addiction but also because they've made "friends" who do it as well. Lots of peer pressure.

  Good luck.
• 

  lisavegas420

  Been there, done that...a few times. It's not easy, it hurts, but you keep on loving and hope they grow up soon and find their way. It happens to families, good families, not so good families, jw's and non-jw's.

  lisa
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  ex-nj-jw

  Sorry to hear about your son. Please don't blame yourself and most of all be there for your son!!!

  Don't expect too much in the way of support from your family (JW's), they will obviously use this as a tool to "make you see the light, and come back to the org". It's all a control game, so leave them and their control issues and be a strong support for your son.

  My son commited a crime at the age of 20 (he's 24 now), and was in jail. My JW family (mom mostly) blamed me in the same way. My husband and I dealt with the situation on our own, my son learned a very valuable lesson from his experience and hopefully he will not make the same mistake twice.

  Sometimes we have to allow our children to learn from their own mistakes no matter how painfull it may be for us and them! Stay strong, make sure he knows that you will always love him UNCONDITIONALLY, and will be there to support him no matter what the situation, although you may be disappointed in his actions.

  Good Luck and if you wanna talk please send me an email!

  nj
• 

  Mysterious

  If nothing else would say this illustrates more why you were right to leave the JWs. If you had stayed and he had gotten in trouble they would have turned their back just the same.
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  SWALKER

  Plenty of JW kids get into trouble also!!! That's not the issue. Just let your son know that you love him, but he has to take responsibility for his actions. This may be a wakeup call or it could keep happening until he gets the point and you need to realize that. The JW's are the last people on earth that can help or understand. They will only add fuel to the fire and I would NEVER tell them anything about your son...that will only make him feel worse and as you see they CAN'T help you due to their own addiction (religious self-righteousness).

  Try to find out what is going on with your son and then do your research on the subject. Get into counseling if possible to learn how to deal with the situation. Strongly suggest that he do the same!

  Swalker
• 

  LongHairGal

  I knew somebody years ago who left and their kid(s) got in trouble. People said the same thing about him: that it was because of his leaving the JWs. I wondered about that but rejected the idea in his case. This was a person who was in denial about what his kids were into and I feel in time his kids would have left on their own - whether or not he stayed in.

  LHG
• 

  pierogi

  Ya... JWs have a tendency to blame everything bad that happens on leaving the religion. Whatever, bad things happen to JWs too! Oh yeah, but that's because they are being persecuted. Lol. Unless they're saying that because you left the organization, you also left behing your morals and never continued teaching them to your children. I think that's what you were getting at in your post. You said you haven't and I wouldn't be surprised at that. There are many many non JWs with better morals and show more love than JWs. JWs aren't bothered if 99.9% of people die in armageddon. JWs shun those that don't want to be JWs anymore, including their own families. There are exceptions with everything though, not all JWs are like that because most of us were one! Just like not every non JW is great either. What I've learned is that it is not the religion that makes you a good person. There is good all around!

  Sorry that your family doesn't care. You have your wife and children, that's all you need! It is not your fault though! You can't control the actions of those who aren't you and even then it's a little hard. Lol.