Question for faders (past and present)

IsaacJS2

I was just wondering why people fade instead of just quitting right away. Going inactive isn't enough to get DFed, is it? I was never DFed, though my meeting attendance had been on again off again for months before hand. I still got love bombed to death right afterward, but I wasn't DFed or anything.

Is it just in the hope that people won't notice the abrupt change and won't give you any grief (like marking you as evil) especially family and friends?

I was also wondering how long you guys took (or are taking) to fade?

Thanks for any info.

IsaacJ

Lumptard

Fading keeps lines of communication open in your family....I recon that is the main reason....to avoid shunning by your family.

dobbie

My husband is fading, he's not been to a meeting for about a year, and our attendance has always been on and off. He's been inactive for about 9 yrs on ministry too. Although his family have hardly anything to do with him and haven't for ages as hes 'spiritually weak', he hasn't officially left it cos he says there's a big difference between knowing that his mother could contact him if she wanted to and knowing that she wouldn't ever contact him again.

nvrgnbk

Hello Isaac,

To echo what lump and dob said, the majority of faders would probably love to get it over with immediately if not sooner. The fade is all about consideration for others- family, friends, business connections. It's a tragedy that such a tactic is needed. But that's just another sure sign of a cult- you can't just walk away when you're not feeling it anymore.

Love and respect,

Nvr

OnTheWayOut

to avoid shunning by your family.

Yes, that's it. If I just stop, it's evil apostasy. If I fade, I tried, but I am unsure of what I am doing, so
I will just stay at home.

Actually, just quitting can work for some. I am considering it. I am 6 months in a fade.

Cellist

We faded because our employment at that time was dependent on JWs. Also, if we had DA'd it would've made it difficult to associate with my husband's elderly father. It certainly wasn't the easier route, they didn't leave us alone for a couple of years.

Cellist

magoo

.........it's all a foggy path we walk....."damned if you do....damned if you don't"..............even if you fade, you are considered weak....if you walk away clean....you are sewer water.........you have given in to satan.....you know that angel that thought for "his self".....you are f*cked anyway you go...

Hippie magoo

OnTheWayOut

Different threads discussed how long a fade takes. For some, it is never over. I have an active wife,
and I think I will always have to go to the Memorial (at least for a few years) and I might accompany the wife
on travel to conventions and assemblies, but I won't go in. I was ready to quit meetings in February, but
I felt that I could better avoid a judicial committee if I continued the fade that I started in August. The important
part is to keep making progress. I am at a point where my meeting attendence will drop so low, that people
will talk more openly. My CO visits this month. Either he will stumble me, attendence will go down faster,
or the brothers will ignore me, indicating that they don't care and don't notice, so attendence can go down
faster.

Save My Soul

If you invested in an account for 30 years, would you just walk away?

My friends and family are mainly in the org., I have a great deal invested. I also want my children to grow up in the org and enjoy the benefits as I did. I learned from worldly friends that they do NOT agree with everything their church teaches. They weed through the BS and enjoy their form of godly devotion. I try to do the same. I enjoy my PERSONAL relationship with God, not via the channel anymore.

My wife is also active. She possibly would lose her tea parties with her superficial, pompous friends if I left right away.

mrchuffster

I think it also depends on your body of elders. With the reduction in numbers of elders, no new ones coming through, the increased workload on existing ones they are less likely to spot you are in trouble. I still go to the meetings, but can come and go or pick and choose as I please which to go to. Honeslty as long as I don't ruffle any feathers the elders couldn't care less. Fading is definitely the best option if you have family you want to keep. Friends in the organisation are mostly superficial and will drop you quicker than you can say 'bad assocation' if they deem it necessary.

Question for faders (past and present)

Share this