Question for faders (past and present)

by IsaacJS2 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Triple A

  The other post pretty well cover this, but I call it the four Fs.

  Family

  Friends

  Financial

  Fear of losing any or all of the above.
• 

  Gill

  It all depends on what suits you personally.

  If you fade, as others have said, you may get to keep family and friends, BUT you have to watch your mouth constantly!

  If you walk and DA, well, you lose everyone immeadiately....and this also might suit some!

  We have faded and sadly still get the irritation of JW family and their bizarre little ways and still have to be very careful what we say.

  It has its good and bad side, but I recommend a gentle fade.
• 

  IsaacJS2

  This must be one of those things that varies by congregation. For some of you at least, you could actually be DFed just for becoming inactive? I dropped out and had to deal with the love bombing, but looking back, I considered it worth doing. Like having a tooth pulled versus enduring the pain for a long time kind of a thing. I didn't think there was much difference as far as family/friends are concerned whether you faded or not. They know you are falling off, even if the Elders don't notice. My in-laws still speak to me, for instance, though I don't exactly hang out with any of them these days. No one here treats me as especially evil, though they do take advantage and try to fill out their service time on occasion at my expense. That surely wouldn't have changed if I had faded.

  But some of you are actually saying that the Elders would put you in front of a JC if you just up and went inactive?

  NOTE: I'm not questioning the validity of what faders are doing, I only wish to make sure I understand what is going on with them. Some seem to feel it will be less jarring to their families, and even then it can take years to accomplish. I'm having some trouble getting my head completely around that, which is one of the reasons I ask. Others say they will actually be DFed and declared apostates. Sounds like your congregations are very different from mine, and mine was considered THE WORST in our whole area! Maybe it isn't as conservative as I had thought.

  IsaacJ
• 

  free2think

  Fading keeps lines of communication open in your family....I recon that is the main reason....to avoid shunning by your family.

  This was my reason too.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  But some of you are actually saying that the Elders would put you in front of a JC if you just up and went inactive?

  For the most part, NO. They have to have a "sin" for a JC. Here's what can happen, though.

  A person becomes "weak in the truth" and slows down, eventually stops attending meetings.
  Okay, no loss. We don't hear from them anymore. Out of sight- out of mind.

  Another person was active, then just stops all of a sudden. He has family or friends in the org.
  The elders try to get information from him. He stonewalls them. They ask the family or friends to
  spy on him. "See why he stopped coming. Find out what we can do to help him."

  Family discovers apostate material or church stuff while spying. They report it, JC starts up.

  It sounds paranoid. If you have no family in, or they are weak, or the elders are swamped with their
  own problems, just quitting can often work. NOT ALWAYS. Once a person gets a JC, he can't choose
  the other path (fading) so many just start down the other path to begin with.

  Keep in mind that just saying you don't have trust in the organization is reason enough to DF.
  They can have a JC just for your own admission that the WTS is misled, or doctrine is wrong.
• 

  Mulan

  I think it probably depends on how involved you were as a JW. We were VERY involved, never missed meetings, husband was an elder for 25 years, I was a pioneer. For us the fade had to be gradual, or there would have been too many red flags against us.

  It took us about 2-3 years to completely quit. We mistakenly thought we could hang onto friendships. Family stuck by us, and most left the JW's eventually. Only my mother, one aunt, one cousin, and my husband's brother and his family are still in. All the rest of a large extended 3 generation JW family are out and FREE. The JW family still speak to us, by the way.

  We are not disfellowshipped or disassociated, thanks to a successful fade. We are simply inactive.