Abandonment

reneeisorym

Most of the time I'm ok with the problem I'm about to discuss. It just seems that occasionally it hurts me more than others.

For those of you who's family are all JWs: It was hard to leave all of your family behind but for whatever reason, it made you happier to go than to stay. After you left, did you ever get scared that those in your new life would abaondon you as well? Even if that meant you were worried they would die?

I've only been out a year. I think this problem will get better as I establish more long time friends and have children and get married. Right now I'm still scared. I don't want to start over again.

Crumpet

After you left, did you ever get scared that those in your new life would abaondon you as well? Even if that meant you were worried they would die?

((((reneorym))))

I have to say yes, constantly. I am afraid of everyone else rejecting me too. I tend not consider any relationship permanent now and always prepare myself mentally for it ending. I never cease to be amazed when I am not rejected. Its possibly I sabotgae some relationships because on some level I want to get in there first so I can minimise my pain. Possibly I behave so badly that people have no choice but to sever ties. I'm trying not to keep reacting out of fear though and luckily I have some great friends with the patience of saints. But yes I think the fear of loss is normal given the circumstances and can be very powerful.

mouthy

After you left, did you ever get scared that those in your new life would abaondon you as well?

Hi Rennie..... I think you will find that throughout life. There will be folks in your life for a while & then go on & you dont hear from them again.... But that doesnt mean they are abanding you...Once I came to Christ , I left it all at the foot of the cross. He brings folks into my life & some go out of my life.... ( maybe they couldnt put up with me) But I have learned to be a friend to anyone no matter what their life is like. I dont have to answer for them... I Hope your fear will disappear ( oops a poet I didnt know it)
Your a lovely person( I met you at PA) just TEST what folks tell you. In the end a friend will stay closer than a brother I have learned.... Are you going to PA again this year????

free2think

((((((((((((((((((((Renee)))))))))))))))))

I'm just coming out of the Borg now so I don't really have any exp or adivce as such. But I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you, I can understand how tough it must be for you. hugs

reneeisorym

I'm ok with friends coming and going. What I don't like the thought of is those people (like your parents were supposed to be) who are there for a lifetime leaving me. I want to spend my whole life with my fiance and not just a year or two.

tall penguin

Yes I can relate. Being confronted with the impermanence of relationships, even those you've had for some time and that seem lasting, is a difficult thing.

My boyfriend and I left the org together. He is my best friend in the world and it scares me to think he and I may not always be together. I also fear him dying suddenly. He enjoys walking late at night and each time he leaves the house, a wave of panic washes over me, thinking he may not return. It's irrational but I think it's quite understandable considering the amount of loss we've experienced in leaving the org. I hope that in time, this will lessen, because the reality is, nothing is permanent and shit happens.

tall penguin

PEC

You may abandon by one or two at a time but, y ou will never be abandon again by everyone in your life because, of a book publishing company.

Philip

reneeisorym

True, but at this point "everyone in my life" is one person. I've been out only a year and although I have a friends that I do things with, I do not have very many close friends yet. It just takes time to build that kind of relationship. I have a close relationship with my fiance but not with anyone else.

GoingGoingGone

I know exactly what you mean.

I have trust issues because of my upbringing, I can't trust my family and so I found it hard to trust anyone else in my life, either. When I married my husband, we were both JWs and I decided that I would trust that he would be there for me always. It was VERY hard. But, for example, I allowed myself to be a stay at home mom, which was very important to me, instead of having a career and the financial independence that would have given me.

When I left the JWs, my husband threatened to leave me. He didn't, and it has worked itself out, but I'm back to square one as far as trust goes.

So, I'm not sure what to tell you, except that you do need to find a way to trust. No man (or woman) is an island.....

(((((((Renee)))))))

GGG

Mystla

"everyone in my life" is one person

This is pretty much where I am at. I have minimal contact with family. and no real friends to speak of. The couple people I consider close friends live far away and lead busy lives, we only talk a couple times a year.

Add to that that my hubby is likely to die before me due to his disability, in fact I came home from work once and thought he was dead. Scared the shit out of me. Really made me take stock and figure out some priorities. I realised that I was spending all of my time at a job I didn't like, away from the one person I wanted to spend all my time with. We did some figuring and realised that if we moved to a less expesive place and budgeted, we could live off hubby's disability income. So now I am retired and we spend all of our time together.

I know that being alone again will probably happen someday.. but I did it once and survived.. and next time I won't have the turmoil of figuring out who I am thrown in. I've got that figured out now Facing the fact that it can happen is not easy, but once you accept it, you can face it.

Misty

Abandonment

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