I believe this anxiety will get to wear out as you stabilise in your new life and consolidate new relationships. It's just that leaving the dubs in that way is a big step in life and takes some time to get used to. Soon it will be an insignificant storm in the distance.
Abandonment
by reneeisorym 21 Replies latest social relationships
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Twitch
I believe this anxiety will get to wear out as you stabilise in your new life and consolidate new relationships. It's just that leaving the dubs in that way is a big step in life and takes some time to get used to. Soon it will be an insignificant storm in the distance.
True. It takes time. And trust as well. First in yourself, towards others follows. People will come and go, the good ones will stay if you so choose. And whether or not they show it, everyone has doubts 'bout themselves, the future and other peoples. The great thing about the human race is that we're all running,..... :-)
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DJK
People do come and go. The older you get, the faster they go it seems. A friend sent me this, I thought it was interesting.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart
broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break
hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight
with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like
you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a
minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never
begin.
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Twitch
Good post DJK
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wanderlustguy
I used to be scared of abandonment, and still have little "attacks" of it. But since getting out and applying the skills we were taught as dubs, I've found that if I am ever alone, it is entirely by choice. We learned to fit into any situation so well I find that I have the problem of having too many people around. Instead, I've been trying to learn to be selective as to who I let in.
Once you learn how capable you are on your own, and even alone, the feelings will start to go away.
Good luck!
WLG
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alotlikemay
I do worry a lot about being abandoned again. So much so I haven't really had a successful relationship since I left. When I feel someone get close to me, I test them (not deliberately, but subconsciously) and make them 'jump through hoops' to prove they love me and will stay with me, come what may. But ultimately I seem to always freeze in the end, because I can't believe this will last, so I look for the signs it'll end - and then I have to make sure it's me who puts an end to it before he does because I can't stand the thought of being rejected, it has to be me doing the rejecting.... I'm trying really hard to get over this but it's tough.
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Abandoned
Perhaps it's not too much of a surprise, but my biggest fear has always been abandonment. I've made immense progress over the last few years, although I sill have a ways to go. One of the most important lessons I've learned in standing up and dealing with my issues with abandonment is that I'm just as valuable whether I'm in a relationship or whether I'm on my own. Now, I prefer to be with someone else, but I do now know that I can make it on my own if I have to.
I wish you well on your journey of discovery.
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AK - Jeff
For some of us it became clear post-Watchtower that we had no social skills. You don't need 'em as Jw's - ready made friends and all.
So making friends and social contact became a problem. Keeping them is IMO a different issue. People are people. Jw's, Mormons or members of the Elk Club. When you were rejected by Jw's it was because you left the religion. It is a black/white issue to them. But most groups are made of individual thinkers, they will decide upon you based on you.
You will make and you will lose friends in your lifetime - but likely it will not be again on the basis of what group you choose to join/leave.
There are no guarantees in any relationship - but most people outside of cultic psuedo-religious bodies - will not be so ready to reject a person whom they have stepped outside of their box of comfort to befriend.
Worry less and love more.
Jeff
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R.Crusoe
Friendships or relationships seem frought with uncertainty. One is regularly reminded of the differences you have with their whole life experience. Often they can't get a take on yours unless you go on about all the negatives which then leave you feeling exposed and carrying internal conflicts.You'd love to throw yourself smiling, full of life into new frienships and relationships but know that, unlike others, that's not where you've come from.
And so you feel that any relationships others are forming are very different than any that include you!!
This leaves you looking for 'special' personalities - similar to ones maybe in your past which had a modicum of wholeness about them.
And then you over commit and things feel out of balance and your fault and throw you back into the circles within spirals that are your daily experiences.
I met a woman I could have died for recently. Her look and personality were majical to me. Other gorgeous, slimmer, more toned women were around but she had this 'X factor for me' . But she is married. Which just about sums it all up. I can't keep socialising either because it's so obvious to everyone (husband included) that my heart beats for her. And this makes me appear more than odd and I hate myself for maybe hurting her husband who seems a great guy but when she comes anywhere near me I'd walk straight off with her if she asked me to - which isn't likely but everyone can tell ! I'm aware of it but can't seem to contain it. I think part of it is never having been in love and feeling it might never happen - always playing by rules and suppressing emotions. And now most peoples emotions have matured to a level I've never been at I'm feeling like a fish out of water in all sorts of situations. That really hurts!!!!!!
Ironically I was always the most sincere friend to whoever and careful not to hurt others feelings or appear distant from friendly people. Now I can sense myself being what I'm not unintentionally but in a way which mainstream peers are uncomfortable about or dislike me for. Pheewwww! Tough this!
This is the space some of us are living in - any relationships have this surreal distance or intensity which we feel appears skewed to others. What to do about it I wish I knew!
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avidbiblereader
Sad, but true, we are all here for a breif time in history, life is about people coming and going in our lives. One day we too will only be a memory of those that love us. Keep your outgoing personality and you will have no problems.
abr