Let Kids see Dub Grandparents or? (page 3)

sf

Let Kids see Dub Grandparents?

LOL! Seriously though....LOL!

That is too much of a high risk situation. JW's can be deadly. Unpredictable. They play with others lives, willingly. I'd be a fool to.

No way. Ever.

sKally

Brother Apostate

Let Gramps and Grams see 'em.

You can't shelter them from thoughts- the sooner they get used to the idea that people believe different things, the better.

Don't be afraid to spend the time with your kids to teach them how to use their minds, to make up their own minds on the veracity of various teachings, it's part of growing up.

BA- Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the pen.

Crumpet

I think you make a good point there Broth Apostate. But I would still be reluctant to leave the kids alone and unsupervised with the grandfolks.

A couple of months ago, a month after i d'ad i let my sis in law take my young son to a witness gathering as his jw school friends were going to be there. He came back confused, asking if he could go to the meetings but not with 'this family' meaning me and his dad. I asked him if someone had been talking to him about it and he said that his grandmother had been there asking wouldn't he like to go along to the meetings with his cousin, etc , i thought it was pretty bad to try to get him thinking he wants to go to meetings without his parents when he's only four yrs old, and neither myself or his dad was present with him. He said others mentioned meetings too. Luckily she never asks to see him and my other child doen't even know her, but i have told my husband i would never trust them alone with him, and thankfully he's agreed with me. I do let him go to my sis i laws but her child comes to us too occasionally but i'm pretty sure my child would tell me if anything was said. At the end of the day i'd say go with your instincts, it is a hard one, because most of them can't be trusted, they think they are saving their lives so will take any opportunity to get to them, but maybe they could have supervised visits if you don't want to cut them outand that way you will know whats being said.

rosiegurl

That's a hard call situation really.

Grandparents are an important part of a childs life. I'd say just keep the lines of communication open with your child and let him know there is always other ways to do things. I only had one grand parent growing up and feel as if I missed out.....it enriches childrens life to have them around and hear their experiences....but bottom line it's totally your call and your comfort zone =)

Black Sheep

"...his grandmother had been there asking wouldn't he like to go along to the meetings with his cousin, etc."

She is as trustworthy as any stranger who offers your child a lolly.

BrentR

I have made it crystal clear to my JW mom that we are a packaged deal. She seems to think she can have her cake and eat to. She wants to be a grandparent to my daughter but still play the semi shunnning to me and my wife. That is very toxic and my daughter will not be exposed to it. She has another normal set of grandparents that she can spend all the time she wants with.

All of our JW parents have different levels of cultish behavior so we have to handle them according to our own intuition and judgement. My mother is a manipulator and expert at mindgames so she is out of the picture for now. I have seen other JW parents be completely cool about boundries with grandchildren and actually have a close to normal relationship.

carla

If you are going to allow them to see the child at all, never, ever leave the child alone with them. Not even for a second to use the restroom. If they are shunning you, then all bets are off. That will only teach your child that it is ok to treat family members this way. Set the boundries and if they screw up then they pay the price, they don't see the kid. When you are all together they include you and your spouse in all activities and are polite and cordial. The child will get over the loss of relationship if it happens. There are many, many lonely elderly people in nursing homes that would love a visit from a sweet child on a regular basis. Your childs physical, emotional, and spiritual well being are at stake here.

Madame Quixote

My 19 years of experience in dealing with mentally ill Jehovah's Witness grandparents has shown me that it's best just to pretend they're dead.

Sorry; I've no longer any optimism that my folks will "come around," (and leave the cult), although your parents/grandparents may be different.

My daughter and I have a life to live, with or without her grandparents. I'm sure you do too.

Edit: P.S. I truly wish that I did pretend that they were dead, from the day my daughter was born, instead of trying to keep the lines of communication open; that was a big mistake, but I really did not know better.

It would make things much easier on me now if I had just always stayed away from them. Neediness makes things very, very difficult. Shunning exacerbates neediness . . . Neediness and desperation cause one to keep going back to the abuser . . . cyclical, long story of negligence and abusiveness and control.

After all, they pretend we're dead and we don't need to waste any more time than we already have playing the Stockholm Syndrome game with people who don't even care to learn what it means to be a vicimizer/victim. I come from generations of that crap. Enough is enough. End of the jws in my life and hopefully the end of such cultish co-dependency in my family history starts with me.

Gill

My husbands parents SHUN all five of our children, so that one is no problem.

My parents are not allowed to see my children on their own without us censoring any Bull Shit they may come out with!

It's a very simple arrangement and suits us very well!

Let Kids see Dub Grandparents or?

sf