feeling very sad (page 2)

restrangled

Dear LD,

Sounds as if you are a great parent and you've raised a wonderful boy.

Don't be surprised if he is back on your doorstep in a short period of time. Our oldest has been leaving and coming back for awhile now. He will be 23 in June and just spent the last year with us. It was wonderful to have him back but it was time to go again. My youngest will be 20 in August and announced yesterday that he has plans for moving out this fall.........My heart lurched, but I know I must let go and at the same time rejoice in their independence and new start in life.

r.

Threestars

Hang in there--these feelings are normal. When my eldest daughter left home I felt the same. It's part of the natural cycle, though. (BTW, she still calls me when she's sick and wants me to come over and make her tea and soup even though she's married with a baby now)

Young people also have to go through that stage of withdrawal from the parent/parents and they truly need this in order to become fully functioning adults. Think of it as a Blessing. It means that you have been a successful parent and that your child is moving ahead to the next stage. My girls all distanced themselves from me for a time and yes, it hurt my feelings terribly, but that changes soon and they "come back". After the first one I realized this and I was better able to deal with that distancing and their often obnoxious and rude comments..

My youngest child, and my only son, has schizophrenia and has been very sick since he was twelve years old. He's eighteen now and I am daily reminded that he will probalby never, ever, be able to take care of himself. He never made it past the eighth grade and has been hospitalized numerous times and if I weren't here to watch out for him and make sure he takes his meds he would be on the streets, or worse. Be happy and proud for your wonderful son. This all just proves that he is doing fine!

exwitless

LovesDubs-so sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with this. I can't completely relate because my son is only 9. But your post made me think about something my boss says on occasion: "Ah, mother's guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."

I can't imagine that there's one single parent out there who raises their kids, sits back, and says "Yep, no regrets. I couldn't have done better if I tried. Never made a mistake raising my kids." We all have regrets and sadness when we realize that we, as parents, are not superheros after all. We're just people who sorta have to "wing it" day by day. Don't focus on what you can't change. Be proud of your kids and encourage them to pursue their dreams, and don't beat yourself up. Life does that to us plenty enough as it is.

GoingGoingGone

((((((((((((LovesDubs))))))))))))

My daughter left for college this past fall, and I thought I'd lose it, too. I can't imagine when my son leaves..... I'll fall apart.

Yes, the house was MUCH quieter. Much neater, too. The first few weeks, though, she called us probably 5-10 times a day. We IM each other now too. She's been home for Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, and will be home for spring break with 4 friends!! We still talk almost every day (thank goodness for 'national' family cell-phone plans!)

You do get used to them being gone, but it's wonderful to watch them grow through this part of their lives, too. I never thought that my daughter would change as much as she has in the last 6 months. She's facing adult responsibilities and choices, which she ran out of the house ready to embrace, only to discover that it's kind of nice to have Mom's opinion and help! I love it.

Congratulations on raising a great son.

GGG

moshe

A Spartan mother sent her son away with these words- "come back with your shield or on it (dead)"- life is easier today. I'm sure you did a fine job parenting your son.

ex-nj-jw

(((((((((((((((Loves)))))))))))))

If this helps any, they never really go away!!! I have 2 that have graduated high school and are in college, my oldest lives in TX!!!!, my middle son still lives with me and will be going away to college this coming fall. I know how you feel.

But to one mom from another, they keep coming back, they call constantly, and they always need money So, don't second guess yourself, you can't change what his past was, but you can guide them through adulthood (is that a word?), be there for them now because your job is NOT done by any means.

He will always need his mom and the older he gets, the closer he will draw to you!!! Just because they grow up doesnt mean they don't need us anymore, they just need us in a different way.

Keep your head up and get ready for the next stage of motherhood.

LovesDubs

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I decided to sit down with him yesterday and have a little talk. I told him why I was crying and hoped that I hadnt let him down and how I was going to miss him so much when he was gone. He was very wonderful about my meltdown. "You are such a MOM." he said. He told me he had a great childhood and because he hadnt had to get a job because of constant sports involvement and training, he said his "childhood continues even now". He doesnt feel the need to go as far as he can from the house for college like he used to as the time to go looms. He gave me a hug, told me he regrets nothing and misses nothing and lacks for nothing and considers himself spoiled. It left me feeling a whole lot better.

And yes...he will be back. How much will I miss the base speakers in his car shaking the whole house when he comes home? Probably alot. :)

hugs back to all of you, Loves

Crumpet

I don't know many sons of his age who can articulate themselves and their feelings so well, or are patient enough to talk to their mothers - or even care enough to do so! Now do you know you did a great job??!! Be very proud. And that has to rate as one of the most lovely things said by son to mother - about him not moving miles away to get away from you. Huge compliment!

bebu

How great!!

You know what? He'll never forget yesterday's little talk, and when he's a parent he'll be able to tell his own kids the same thing.

bebu

feeling very sad

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