I need some advice. Actually my friend needs some advice. A few years ago I moved about 50 km (30 miles) away from the nearest congo and have since tried to live a normal life. I still submit some time, usually an hour, so I won't be officially inactive and they leave me alone. I also go to the meetings once every few months to keep up appearances. Anyway, my best friend stayed in the city. He's in a neighborhood with two congos. He hasn't been to any meeting in almost a year and has been inactive since. Back in July the elders called to meet with him, so he made up an excuse. Now, they've been at his workplace to look for him, and have called him again. They set up a meeting this Saturday. He told me that he wants to tell them he doesn't believe in God anymore and doesn't wish to go to the meetings anymore either. However, this will probably mean to them that he's disassociated. His mother is still a JW. She's not too faithful either, but would still dislike such news. It would also mean that we'd have to talk and meet in secret. So, this option might not be the most optimal one. Another option would be to tell them his faith is weak and he wants to go to the meetings but he can't or doesn't feel like it. This would make them want to study with him again, which he is determined to avoid. Basically, there isn't a good lie or other type of good reason he can offer which would explain his inactivity, other than the fact that he doesn't believe the God bullshit anymore. The third option would be to miss this meeting too. None of these are optimal. Have any of you been through this kind of situation? What would you advise?
I need your advice
by cookiemaster 29 Replies latest jw experiences
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ttte36
As far as Im aware they can't disfellowship for not believing its only when you spread it to others then its a problem, I would say just tell them you are struggling to believe in a God and until you further think about it you will not be attending any meetings. -
Giordano
I'd advise him to cancel his meeting, thank them for being concerned but he is doing fine and will call on them if he needs to. Ask them not to contact him at work.
Just a polite quick conversation.
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millie210
Dont have the meeting.
Dont admit to doubts (dont give them something they feel obligated to attempt to fix)
Since he has already agreed to a meeting, the best thing at this point would be to
a) cancel - plead illness or work schedule
b) be not at home when they call
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1009
I agree with ttte36: loosing your faith isn't a reason for disfellowshipping. But it should not appear to the elders he is an opponent or apostate now. So he should try to avoid any dispute about the topic. The tone should be more or less: "Oh, brothers, I loved Jehovah so much. But now... I don't know... I'm struggling. I think my faith has weakened." Next the elders will 'encourage' him to study and to visit the meetings. "Yes, brothers, you're probably right. I will think about that. Thank you so much for your encouragement."
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Marvin Shilmer
They set up a meeting this Saturday.
If these elders set up a meeting on their own and informed your friend of the time and place then it's something akin to a judicial hearing, or leading to one. Unless your friend has a compelling reason to attend such a meeting my advice would be to simply ignore the meeting.
If this meeting was set up jointly between your friend and these elders then my advice would be to tell your friend to cancel the meeting saying something like "I don't think I need this meeting and I'll get back with you when I feel like meeting." If your friend meets with these elders they will ask questions your friend might want to answer in direct terms but those answers might cause problems for his family relationship.
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hoser
If there are two elders involved it is most likely an investigation committee. If he hasn't shown his face for sometime perhaps they are going on gossip of wrongdoing.
I also know an elder who looks at the inactive cards and hunts the people down to get them to either come back or DA themselves. It looks better when the circuit overseer comes around if the cards are all in order.
I would tell your friend to not meet with them. Sounds like they are on a witch hunt.
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millie210
You are getting good advice here if the goal is to lay low and not disturb the peace of mind of the elderly mother.
Just remember they have stacked the deck ahead of time in their favor and there is no honest approach that works.
As mentioned above, cleaning up the records matters most.
The only loophole they themselves have created is the adage about what constitutes telling the truth or being honest.
telling the truth only to "those who have a right to know it"
that is a direct quote from their own literature and gives your friend a reason to say what He feels is best (honest or not) thus providing a way "out" of a meeting to protect his famly member and not get disassociated.
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dogon
You can very well be DFed for not believing. If they ask you if you think that the org is the mouth piece for god on earth and you say no, you can very well be DFed for not believing. They may not come after you if you keep it quit but if they think you don't believe they can ask questions designed to get you to say you do not believe then if there are two of them they have what they need. Don't give them the ammo, make them work for it. -
FayeDunaway
Yes, tell him to say yes he thinks they are God's directed organization. I was asked this question when I was still a half believer, so I didn't have to lie at the time...but I remember being asked and it was a huge question, the mood lightened significantly afterwards.