looking for validation

yrs2long

hello. i'm new to this site and inactive(so far). i have been glued to this site for the last few days. my b/friend says i'm obsessed. i never believed that 'apostates' were such real people with such humor, insight, and love like all the rest of the jw posse. i always had the impression that you were mad and bent on the destruction of others just because you couldn't cut the mustard. sorry about all of the cliches, i guess i'm tongue-tied. i have so many questions. how long has this site been up? when do you get together? how can i really free myself from all the fears and residue of leaving the 'true' organization? please respond.

think41self

Hi yrs2long,

I like your chosen screen name...I can identify with it

Those of us who live near each other occasionally get together, but it's not any kind of regular schedule that I'm aware of. I think we would all have real hang ups about ANY kind of "regular meetings"

As for how to free yourself from the fears and residue of leaving the organization...coming to this site was a HUGE first step for a lot of us...this site and others like it. For now, I would say, just keep reading the board and you will find a wide variety of topics that will cover things that you are interested in. Some get very deep into biblical research, some talk about the residual guilt and anger they feel...all kinds of topics! There are also all kinds of personalities here, some people express themselves with kindness and consideration, some need to vent when they are feeling angry and resentful of how the organization has treated them or affected their lives. Just read everything with an open mind...but most of all, don't be afraid to think for yourself and speak up for yourself. You have that freedom now, explore it and enjoy it!

Welcome to this board.

think41self

"Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

mommy

I found this site after being out 8 years. I thought I had left the Jw life, I was wrong.

Recently I returned to my family who is pro Jw even if they are not all active. WOW! It never leaves, kinda like a tick, after it is embedded it stays. But, I guess you can take your meds and be cured, for awhile

You can change, but the Jw's never do, so you always have a basis to compare. Alot goes on here, alot of conterversy, I hope you can sort it out. I hope you find peace. Email me if you want, I will try to return your mail Either way...Welcome
wendy

In a controversy the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.

Introspection

Hi Yrs2long,

I hesitate to say anything about getting rid of the fear and residue, because it seems to me some believe almost religiously that you will never get rid of it. It's true that it is something that does have an impact on the rest of your life, (that is, from the period where you left or whenever you divide it on) perhaps for a rather long period and earlier on in the crucial developmental years, but I think as far as fear and that specific (or general) thinking pattern is concerned it is possible. The key point is fear of the unknown. I see the experience of leaving as an opportunity for growth, as in my own case. Some people may never want to fully face the fear of the unknown, (or accept the fact that they don't know) but our experience may bring our attention to that fact. I hope this is helpful in some way.

yrs2long

thanks for your responses. i just left the associate witnesses website against blood and i feel sick to my stomach. of course, like everyone else, i have many stories to tell about being an abused wife in the organization. you wouldn't believe the things the elders told a 22 year old beaten wife... i was a non-entity. i have lived a ghost of a life for many years now, choosing to get an education and live like a hermit away from family and of course, all witness friends. the funny part was, after all of the abuse, my ex finally left me. although the elders recognized my ex had gotten more violent, still the frequency had gone down and not wanting to "discourage him", they looked beyond my sufferings and promoted him. anyway, i haven't felt this much excitement and 'support' in so long, probably since i first announced my desire to get baptised. i feel as if a weight has left my shoulders, but i still feel twinges of something lurking when i am away from this and other sites. i just wondered if perhaps, time would be all that was needed to sustain my newfound feelings; or should i read literature, hang out, something? this has really been like a therapy, i just can't get enough, asd if i am feeding from the breast of my mother.

Introspection

Hang in there Yrs2long, as you can see we are real people even though we only communicate online. In time you'll build more strength. And, I think breakthroughs do happen.

BTW, to answer your earlier question I know there's a couple of support groups here in northern CA (San Francisco area) and others are around, though relatively rare. Ours is non-religious, though I know many are Christian based.

larc

yrs2long,

To answer some of your questions. This discussion group was started by Simon in about March of 2000. I came here in December of last year. At that time there were 350 registered posters. Now, I think there about 3000.

As far as other reading goes, I would recommend the web sites shown at the bottom of the page, if you haven't done so already. Also, I recommend reading Ray Franz's book, Crisis of Conscience. You can order it from the FreeMinds web site at the bottom of this page. I am sure that others will testify, that is the best book to start with.

As far as your abuse by your husband and the treatment, by the elders, I am not at all surprised. Several woman who post here have told the same story.

I am glad you are with us, and I hope we can further help you. You can ask any question on any subject and there will be several who can give good information and advice. It does my heart good when someone like yourself comes here and has been helped. It makes us as a community feel like we have done something important.

sweetone2377

I am sorry for your bad experiences as a JW. It takes time to heal. For some it doesn't take long, for others it can take years. But the scars are always there. I myself have recently started doubting my decision to leave the organization. I know that I did the right thing. That I don't deserve that kind of treatment (they just know how to kick a woman to get the down, then they keep them down). But still it creeps in. So, I've decided to research the WTS's teachings, outside of their publications. And the more I read with an open mind, the more I can see how the Society have blinded their "followers." And the more I am glad that I got out. It takes a little work to strengthen your resolve to stay out, just as it does to stay in. Only, as being an XJW, you have the freedom to see for yourself, to open your eyes to real truth.

I wish you luck. I have found many comforting souls here on the board and I'm sure they will also be here for you when you need it most (instead of turning away and saying you're "weak" for needing help).

Much Love,
Shelly

"Life's a journey, not a destination."

yrs2long

i think I am going to hang around and that I will be one of those who engages in extensive research on the WTS. since reading postings at this site, i am starting to talk about the wts as they. and i now see people differently, not just as doomed evil flock who exist only for conversion. i just ordered the book Crisis of Conscience and hopefully that will cement my resolve. one good thing is that even though my family are all witnesses, let's face it, most are never going to get any parts in the assembly about their experiences.

Lark - thanks for the history and book and websites - i've looked at all the ones at the bottom and even the official website of jw. while perusing the beliefs section i kept thinking that they lure you in with sweet delusions of peace and unity but neglect to post how they also believe that if you run into problems they cause or cannot help you with that you must wait for jehovah to reveal and solve all of your problems.
Sweetone-what is causing you to doubt again and how often does this happen? this kind of scares me(i want peace from thoughts of doom)
Introspection- it is amazing at how deep the indoctrinization and fears go. I have an extensive fear of dying that i feel developed from always feeling I wasn't in a good enough standing to face judgment. That fear transposes everything else in my life...As for the christian support group - i get the heebee jeebies just thinking about placing another yoke upon my head.

Introspection

As for the christian support group - i get the heebee jeebies just thinking about placing another yoke upon my head.

Yrs2long,

It is certainly a good idea to allow some time for yourself. Some may choose the Christian path, but I don't think anyone would disagree when I say that choice should be made consciously. It is all too easy to rely on another group, and no doubt many there are ready to preach their version of the truth. I understand some Christians don't care for those groups either, so it is best to find out what their orientation (religious or non) when you are looking. I mentioned that not as a suggestion, but just to point it out as something you'd want to be aware of.

looking for validation

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