When Joseph Mongolfier launched his hot air balloon in June 1783 in France, he was not aware of the physical dynamics that made it work. After a short flight, one that made history, the 36 foot sphere crashed about a mile away and burned. His mistakes were many, but the biggest was that the constuction was mostly paper. And the source of the reduction of density of the air that propelled it, was fire.
In many ways, my flight into the 'Kingdom' mentality of the early 70's was similar. The conveyance of my faith was by hot air, not permanent, and the structure of my faith was less sturdy than papier-mache. Many hundred of thousands each year were joining our little group of Kingdom proclaimers, and we believed we were 'center stage' and a 'theatrical spectacle' to the world. The rush of exitement was like that of a crowd pushing into an arena, one just got carried along, begging all the way that others would follow. I was a 'good' Witness. I recall in the waning months of my senior year of high school, packing my 'service bag' on the way out the door to school. The final semester of my schooling coincided with my baptism, so I signed up to be a 'temporary pioneer', which meant 60 hours in those days of service per month. I had only a few classes to attend for that last portion of my secular education, so I would often leave the school well before noon, park on a local street, take out my territory and preach alone all afternoon. On one occasion, I offered a close neighbor, and one of my few 'worldly' friends, a ride home after school, with the understanding that I would have to stop and work a street in my 'territory' before we left town. When we parked my van, he started to exit also. I told him to stay. He objected that he too was a Christian, a Baptist, and objected that there was no reason he could not come along. I explained that my ministry was not open to 'interfaith' participation. He recanted, and sat in my cold van [who had the money to keep it running as a pioneer?] while I worked the street in mid-February.
I remember one Saturday out in service with the Olson Family. Jim has already headed to Bethel I believe, but his younger sibling, his mother and father and I were out in service. I recall firmly stating that I could not understand the mental and spiritual attitudes of those witnesses who were home that morning instead of out in the service. Brother Olson, being the fine elder he was, commended me for such a 'spiritual' attitude. And I became a pretty good salesman for Witness Inc. as time went on. Over the course of the next few years I was responsible for the induction of at least eight others into the faith of Jehovah's Witnesses. I was a good salesman. Persistent, and always trying to 'close'. I always had a few Bible studies going in those days.
The controlling nature of the organization did not often bother me. I was so happy being controlled at that stage - thinking that obedience was Godly - that mostly I did not notice. Once though, I started a Bible study with a lady out in the country. Each time I conducted it, I always took along a sister, precisely according to the Society's direction. On one such occasion, I took an elder's wife. After the study was over, we engaged in polite conversation on the ride back to the hall. She seemed pleased with the work I was doing. The following week, as we arrived at the house for the study, an elder in the car group told me he had 'reassigned' the student to his wife, the same sister who had accompanied the previous week. Inside I was furious. But externally I displayed a controlled JW demeanor. He told me while the study was being conducted that the elders had determined that I was not the one who should conduct the study, since I was a single male, and she was a married woman. I waited in the car while 'my study' was conducted by someone else. I was too young to understand just how much of my life was under observation, and controlled as they saw fit.
About that same time, I was out in service with a different elder. As someone made a call in the lake territory we were working, he took me aside, saying 'Sister W has made an accusation against you. She is saying that you have come over to her house on more than one occasion, and that she believes you have an 'interest' in her.' I about blew a gasket! I was all of 18. She was in her late 20's, married, fat, and had two children. Her husband was usually there when I had visited. And the interest in my visit was because I loved her kids. I literally almost vomitted at the idea. Three things bothered me. 1) That I should be accused of thoughts I did not have to begin with, and 2) that the whole thing was done behind my back, as if others has a right to gossip and make charges like that without any basis. 3) I was tremendously upset that this brotherhood seemed so focused on 'fornication' and 'temptation', that it did not display anything that resembled 'trust' and 'brotherly love'. Still, the fire had not yet reached my paper wings, and I held to the concept that this was God's organization.
In late September 1973, the face of our field service took on another look. We began to distribute 'Kingdom News # 16', apparently the 16th in a string of tracts, though I never was able to determine when the previous [#15] had been issued. Must of been well before that time, since I could not find a Jw in my hall that knew. Anyway, this was exciting in the extreme. The title was 'Is Time Running Out for Mankind?'. We all believed it was, and figured they all needed to know. The Kingdom Ministry later told us that we had 'placed' 43,000,000 copies in the US. Then in December we did it all again with KN # 17 "Has Religion Betrayed God and Man?".
It was reported in some congregation near ours, that the brothers thought this was so close to the last time the householders would hear our message, that they were wearing athletic shoes and running, literally, door to door to distribute this tract. We had no 'runners' in our hall, but we had some ducks. I was one of them. One Sunday afternoon it was raining so hard that one would get drenched in just moments. Sister D and I were working a row of homes in a little rural community. We never quit due to the rain, and within minutes were soaked to the skin. We really believed that we were delivering a 'final warning', and we had only 10 days alloted to do so by the society.
In June of that same year, Jehovah's Witnesses took a firm stand, and created a quirky doctrine that stands even today. In the June Watchtower they decried smoking of cigarettes as 'pharmakia', druggery, and declared that all Jw's who smoked would be given six months to quit or face excommunication. My mother was a witness in name only by that time. I don't believe, that other than perhaps a Memorial or two, she had attended a meeting in the Kingdom Hall in the past 10 years. She had always battled her 'addiction' to tobacco, and in fact did so to her very grave just three years ago. Somehow, though, she slipped under the Watchtower radar for a while after this magazine came out, but sometime in 1974 the elders gave me a letter to deliver to her. The letter invited her to meet with the elders, who subsequently disfellowshipped her for her connection with the spirit realm [through cigarettes] later that year.
I believe that most who eventually leave the faith of Jehovah's Witnesses have many 'Watershed moments', triggers that wake us up, though we often fall back asleep before we finally become alert enough to leave. This disfellowshipping of my mother was one of those. The effect on her was so sweeping that it shattered everything that I thought my family stood for. Within months of her being disfellowshipped, my mother determined that, with 1975 so close, and her disapproved standing before Jehovah now, she had little to live for. Thankfully she did not turn to suicide, though she likely contemplated that. I had moved out of the house a few months previous, having determined that my 'worldly family' was not aiding my spiritual lifestyle. I went home often to see my parents however. On one such visit, I asked my dad 'Where's Mom?' He looked back with a heavy pain I had not seen on his face before, and stated "She has taken your sister [then 15] and moved to Colorado". I always knew the reason - she never had to tell me - she wanted to live a while, before she died forever. My dad was so angry with her, that he told her on the phone that she had better send his daughter home, or he would be out to Colorado to kill her. His words, not mine. And I think he meant it. Mom did too. My sister was on the bus and headed home within a week.
Mom spent the next 8 years living a life of desperation. Booze, cowboys, and Rocky Mountain High. She would never be the same mom I knew after that. Even when she returned to Indiana 8 years later, she never assumed a 'normal' lifestyle again. She had long bouts with alcohol abuse, time in jail over too much drinking, or drinking and driving, and an unsure relationship with her children. I honestly believe the Watchtower policy of attacking her when she was not really a Witness at all, destroyed her life. It certainly contributed to her disfunctional relationships with her kids, as we barely saw her during our crucial early adult years of life. By the time I saw my mom again, she was not the person I had known. Still, even as I write this, I get a lump in my throat knowing how much was stolen from our family because a religion, bent on developing an image for itself, made my mother believe she was practicing something akin to spiritism. I wonder how many others had similar experiences.
In 1974, I married the girl that still fills my life. That same year I was appointed a Ministerial Servant, the highest rank I would ever achieve within the cult. We believed that the end would come before we ever had children. We built up a little janitorial business and washed windows. We honestly thought we would never need to worry about insurance, or retirement. 1975 dawned with the firm opinion in our minds that it would not end this side of Armageddon. The sister that had accused me of 'lusting' after her large frame, was disfellowshipped, I believe now due to her disappointment with the failure of that date. My wife and I carried on as good little soldiers, as did most of the folks in our little congregation. We expected the end. It didn't come. And we had not created the date in our minds, as we were later accused by the organization in print. They had built up expectations, and let us take the heat.
When we emerged from the clouds in 1976, we were disoriented. But we were still convinced that the end was just around the corner.