Maybe it will upset them, maybe they will just discard... (page 3)

purplesofa

it will always tinge my joys with sadness in not being able to share them with with you.

I hope one day that will pass for you. I understand that feeling all to well.

purps

dedpoet

((((((((((((((Nina))))))))))))))))

Reading things like this makes me doubly happy that I have no jw relatives!

I know for sure that I could never shun my son, no matter what he did, and he's upset me and his mum a few times, to say the least. When I was a jw, I still got along with him, saw him as often as possible, I could never cut myself off from him. If only jws who shun their family members for thinking differrently to them could see what a pathetic, spiteful act it is, but I guess they have to obey the rules, however cruel they are, and their standing at the kh means more to them than family ties.

I think your letter is kind and non-judgmental, and well done for sending both the letter and the card. They should be delighted to receive it, but I doubt they will be. Instead they will, as you say, be saddened, because however good your life is now, you are living outside their religion. I hope they come round one day, but I guess the odds are against it happening anytime soon.

love

Trev

ex-nj-jw

((((((((((((((((((nina))))))))))))))))

I think they probably enjoy receiving little bits of "how you are", even if they won't admit it. I have 3 sons and would never be able to shun them no matter what they did, they are a part of me!!!

My parent's tried the shunning thing with me, they were successfull with two of my older brothers and my older sister, but instead of trying to contact them, I shunned them, kept my children away from them and had no contact with them at all. My mom would call me and I'd hang up. This went on for about 6 months, when one day my parents showed up at my house and told me that they missed me and wanted to see their grandchildren!!

I told them that it would be on my terms, not theirs and that they were forbidden to take my children to the KH, read bible stories to them or say anything about religion.

Maybe the fact that I wasn't df'd, but I da'd myself that made them ok to talk to me, I don't know. I still don't have a good relationship with them, I call about once a month to see how their health is and that's about it!!

nj

flipper

Excellent letter, Crumpet. You are doing the right thing. Let them know you are still a good hearted person and that your life is good. Don't play their childish and mean shunning game and so set a good example. There's always a chance however slight that you will get something through to them. Girl, you are a strong one! Flipper

mrchuffster

Hi Crumpet,

So sorry this is happening to you. You're doing the right thing though. I still go to meetings and the lack of love is palpable these days.

Here is hoping your parents see the light of day and you get them back!

Lots Of Love

Mr C

south african beef

Hi Crumpet,

I thought your letter to your parents was superb, letting them know that you are ok and getting on with your life despite their shunning you.

I have not been in verbal contact with my parents for 5 years, since my d'fing. There have been a couple of letters but just to let them know that I moved address and also to inform them that I got married ( the reply to that was a rather terse 'we are glad that you have legalised your union').

My wifes parents do contact her reasonably frequently, to a limited degree and she has been round to their house on a number of occassions - this also is something I hate about the witnesses, that members can interpret rules in different ways and nothing gets said. My parents are of the old school and do everthing to the letter.

I have been in turmoil over the last few months wondering whether to bother and write a letter to my parents - you may have helped me but i still wonder whether it will do any good for me or them.

Kind regards

SAB

Crumpet

Hi SAB - you and me both with the old school parents. Yeah I hate that too - the interpretation thing. If no one tells the eldrs then they get away with it. Seriously its not fair - I bet my parents would be completely shocked to realise quite a few have parents who see their df-ed kids quite regularly.

inform them that I got married ( the reply to that was a rather terse 'we are glad that you have legalised your union').

It must have been hard not to give a sarcastic reply to that - ie "oh dear is that how your publishing god tells you to congratulate people on their marriages these days, no wonder your numbers are falling".

What I plan to do is a once a year contact on their anniversary. No alarms and no surprises. Each year I hope to have some new achievement to mention and some new joy to share. They've probably only got a few more years to live and I'm not likely to see them again until they are dead and even then thats no guarantee. That sounds callous but I have to innure myself to the painful reality rather than try and shield myself from it.

south african beef

Your reply was spot on,Crumpet.

I hate the fact that my parents are 'old school' too. To give you an idea of how old school - my mum would rather go to prison than sit on a jury. I knew this when I was still 'in'. I said to her it's a conscience matter and as we don't have the death penalty you could never be bloodguilty. She said that we must not judge our fellow man and that she would be prepared to suffer the consequences - sad eh?

Your comments that you may not see your parents again and that they may die soon is exactly how I feel. That's why I've been in turmoil - should I be in contact with them or should I leave them alone, with them always wondering, hoping that they will see me at the meetings again? I think they know that I will never go back. The saddest thing is that they think that any hurt is being done by my actions and not by their slavishly following the ridiculous shunning policies.

Regards

SAB

Crumpet

Well I'm never going back to meetings.

Now I am off to celebrate Good Friday with a getting my first tattoo which is a symbol of the dangers of and my hatred of organised religion and is a symbol of my past, a warning and a reminder.

Do Not Call

Crumpet, I am about to face the same dilemma over sending an anniversary card to my parents.
My parents did not send us an anniversary card this year for the first time, but I plan on sending one to them anyway. I told them in a letter a year ago that I would never shun them, so I will send a card as though nothing has changed.
Putting a separate note with my news inside is something I hadn't thought of. Good idea!
As you say, they can open it or discard it unread. Thanks Crumpet.

Maybe it will upset them, maybe they will just discard...

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