The art of shunning your disfellowshiped family. What does it require?

jambon1

To most of us here, the practise of shunning a relative who disagrees with the religion, or who chooses a different path, is utterly evil, repulsive and inhumane.

I will never forget the real life stories I have heard relating to the heartbreak and misery that this 'doctrine' brings to families all over the world.

But, what does it take to see through the councel to shun your own children, mother or father?

In my opinion, a person who shuns their offspring or other family, is void of any natural love or affection. I know that people will say that it is a branwashing thing, that people just do it because they are told that it is the right thing to do, but I cant accept that.

The thought of being seperated in any way from my beutiful son and daughter just tears me up inside. So how can people go about doing this deliberately?

Are they mentally deficient? Do they just lack what it takes to be a good parent? Are they really believing that they are doing gods will?

Any thoughts on this?

KW13

I think the people doing the shunning need to be firmly in the grip of the Society.

Its not a case of IF you should shun, its a case of YOU SHOULD shun those. Remember the Society have got themselves all mixed up with God so the dubs can't tell them apart. Society says shun, then God says so.

I've never really pulled off the shunning lark, there was a kind old bloke at the Kingdom Hall who offered kids mints in the gents, he was disfellowshipped but i still took them and said thanks cos he was really nice. Called Albert, moved back home to Australia since.

garybuss

Everybody's different. Rejection bothered me at first but it was just a loss like any other loss. I can either change it, accept it, or go crazy. I've accepted it as something that I can't change and I focus on that which I have rather on that which is in the past.

I was extremely unfortunate to have been born to Witness parents and I was very stupid for following the group as long as I did. I was stupid for marrying a Witness woman and stupid for allowing my sons to be exposed to Witness people.

Many of my losses I set myself up for. As many stupid things I did in my life, there has to be some consequences. I have some bad relatives and I have some nice relatives. I let them sort themselves out and I reply to kindness.

This life of mine has worked out fine. My losses are long in the past and seldom visited. The only thing I wish I could change is, I wish I could directly help my Witness son who's sick and disabled. But I can't, so I have accepted that. I'm fine with all the rest. My days are full and my bad deals all start and end on the same day.

VanillaMocha73

The clearest answer I ever got was from my mom - We are shaming you into being good, like God does. She stopped mid-sentence and realized the folly of that one. What loving God (or parent) uses shame to promote behaviour?

ex-nj-jw

They actually believe that shunning you is in your best interest. They love you and want you to "do right", so by cutting you off you will "do the right thing".

Honesty

I actually enjoy being shunned because it reinforces in my feeble mind that escaping from the JW's is the smartest move I have ever made.

IsaacJS2

I'm lucky enough not to have any WT relatives, unless you count my in-laws. No one's DFed me (yet) so that's not an issue. Sometimes, I actually think it would be a plus. I've thought about DAing myself more than once over the years. Ultimately, DFing is about power and reinforcing the Borg mentality. If they succeed in pressuring you back in, then that's an admission that they were right and you were wrong. And since they think it's "tough love" on their part, they see themselves as making all the sacrifices on your behalf. This makes it a lot easier.

How twisted is that?

I'm also not a strongly family oriented person, so this next part is easy for me to say. But anyone who shunned me would either be shunned in return, or find me constantly walking up to them just to say, "Hi! How ya doin'?" Big happy smile, hand out, or arms spread wide for a hug. You know the drill.

One of the things about shunning is that it makes them feel superior as they are sitting in judgment of you. I'd prefer not to let it get to me.

IsaacJ

daniel-p

Shunning is justified by any immoral behaviour they see you engage in, even if it's not what anyone else would consider "immoral" (growing long hair, piercings, etc.). But the funny part is - the JWs have no conception of how a person could just stop believing in what they say and simply disagree on matters of doctrine or policy. They shun these with extra caution, because in a sense, they are the most dangerous apostates because they have logic on their side. I think a lot of JWs are subconciously afraid of these because they can see freedom of thought in the other person and feel their own bonds at that point. I guess it all goes back to dissonance and the often negative reactions that stem from that.

Back to the topic, when I was in fully and had to shun a family members of mine (my sister), I was angry at her for forcing me to shun her. Perhaps more angry than sad over what she had done. This was because, in my twisted reasoning, she must not have cared over the fact that I would have to shun her if she did wrong, which meant that she didn't really care about me. Basically, any reasoning which absolves the shunner is right and good - because deep down inside, each one of us (JW or not) knows that shunning is worse than killing that person, in a sense. It's a living death - as anti-social as anything.

Balsam

Shunning through shame is classical way of religions of all kinds to control the flock. Though JW have held on it far beyond most religions, ones like the Amish, Mormons and other small groups practice this too. Back in the 1950's and 1960's I knew Catholic families who were outraged that their children would marry outside the Cathrolic religion. They shunned and disowned these children sometimes. Only the most fervent followers are willing to do this. Especially those who believe their religion is the one and only. So we need to realize that JW are part of a small group out of many who shun. It is awful for those who are shunned but at the same time these shunners feel that they are doing what God wants them to do. It is a reflection of the God they worship isn't it? Certainly not a God of love. Not the teachings of Jesus.

Ruth

Cordelia

THEY ARE NOT VOID OF NATURAL LOVE,

they do it coz they firmly believe that if they dont you will never be back in the only place that will give you life,#

they do it bacause they think that we will lose our lives if they dont.

it kills them also they are angry as daniel p said, they honestly think they are doing the right thing#

they do have natural love!!!!

The art of shunning your disfellowshiped family. What does it require?

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