The art of shunning your disfellowshiped family. What does it require?

by jambon1 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bluesapphire

  I think that the extreme shunners (those who shun their own flesh and blood, their grandkids, kids, parents, etc.) do it because of an inferiority complex.

  I think they have some internal conflict such as

  * a secret "sin"

  * or know they could be pioneering but aren't

  * reaching out but aren't

  * living with many material goods, rather than getting rid of the material goods and "simplifying" and living with the "paradise in view"

  etc. so they try to make it up to God by saying,

  "See, Jehovah, I do love you. See how I am shunning so and so..."

  Ever notice how it's the most arrogant ones who do the most extreme shunning? It's like they have a chip on their block or something to prove. Then they cry over and over to the "friends" about how much it hurts to have to shun their beloved family member. Then they get sympathy and kudos and people talking about them saying how "spiritual" they are. My sister has even gotten to do assembly talks on the platform.

  When I faded and started trying to get her to doubt, she went over the edge, quit her job as a social worker (she has a bachelors in sociology), decided not to pursue her masters and ... you guessed it ... began to pioneer!

  All of this simultaneously began with her EXTREME shunning of me. I mean not even going somewhere if she knew I would be there. Didn't invite me to her wedding ...

  And I know she feels guilty constantly and is always feeling unworthy of being "in the truth". I still haven't figured out what her "secret sin" could be but I am absolutely sure that in her case this is it.
• 

  bluesapphire

  I think that the extreme shunners (those who shun their own flesh and blood, their grandkids, kids, parents, etc.) do it because of an inferiority complex.

  
  

  I think they have some internal conflict such as

  
  

  * a secret "sin"

  
  

  * or know they could be pioneering but aren't

  
  

  * reaching out but aren't

  
  

  * living with many material goods, rather than getting rid of the material goods and "simplifying" and living with the "paradise in view"

  
  

  etc. so they try to make it up to God by saying,

  
  

  "See, Jehovah, I do love you. See how I am shunning so and so..."

  
  

  Ever notice how it's the most arrogant ones who do the most extreme shunning? It's like they have a chip on their block or something to prove. Then they cry over and over to the "friends" about how much it hurts to have to shun their beloved family member. Then they get sympathy and kudos and people talking about them saying how "spiritual" they are. My sister has even gotten to do assembly talks on the platform.

  
  

  When I faded and started trying to get her to doubt, she went over the edge, quit her job as a social worker (she has a bachelors in sociology), decided not to pursue her masters and ... you guessed it ... began to pioneer!

  
  

  All of this simultaneously began with her EXTREME shunning of me. I mean not even going somewhere if she knew I would be there. Didn't invite me to her wedding ...

  
  

  And I know she feels guilty constantly and is always feeling unworthy of being "in the truth". I still haven't figured out what her "secret sin" could be but I am absolutely sure that in her case this is it.

  
  
• 

  avidbiblereader

  In my opinion, a person who shuns their offspring or other family, is void of any natural love or affection.

  I agree whole heartedily, Paul spoke of them that would do this in the following verse, but note what we should do to them in verse 5

  2 Tim 3:1-8

  But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away. 6 For from these arise those men who slyly work their way into households and lead as their captives weak women loaded down with sins, led by various desires, 7 always learning and yet never able to come to an accurate knowledge of truth.

  abr
• 

  Hortensia

  I think they do it because they belong to an organization that teaches it is OK not to love. More important to follow the governing body than to follow your natural feelings of love for family and friends. JWs talk about love a lot, but in practice they are pretty unloving. How do I know? 30 years in the org., third generation JW.
• 

  sammielee24

  In my opinion, a person who shuns their offspring or other family, is void of any natural love or affection. I know that people will say that it is a branwashing thing, that people just do it because they are told that it is the right thing to do, but I cant accept that.

  What you must accept in order to understand - is that in a 'good' JW family, your first loyalty is NOT to your blood family but to the watchtower. Thus what you define as natural love or affection is defined by your own experiences. To a child raised in a JW family, you are aware that you do not come first in the affections of your parents and this easily causes all sorts of problems later in life as you too strive to achieve those same standards. Shunning your family is a sure sign of love and loyalty to Jehovah and that trumps any loyalty or love for your kids, spouse or parents etc. Is it natural? Perhaps not. But being raised a witness is understanding that suffering and persecution are to be expected and when your exposure to outside influence is limited and your emotional/mental/socialization stunted, then you often have less to draw from in order to give entirely of themselves to others. sammieswife.
• 

  Purza

  Are they mentally deficient? Do they just lack what it takes to be a good parent? Are they really believing that they are doing gods will?

  In my case my father shuns me.

  Yes, he is mentally deficient

  Yes, he lacks what it takes to be a good parent.

  Yes, he truly believes he is doing god's will.

  In my opinion my dad is mentally ill and/or brainwashed. I have to think that way in order for it not to hurt as much. I have to think it is out of his hands (mentally).

  Purza
• 

  jaguarbass

  It requires a bit of a sociopathic personality.

  If they were allowed to join the millitary they would be snippers.