I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD TO CONFESS..................HONESTLY

by vitty 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  vitty

  I was in the borg for 20 years and didnt realize you HAD to confess, until my daughter did a dirty deed.

  She was hysterical one evening, after seeing her BF and told us that they had been doing a bit of fumbling and now her BF needed to confess to the elders!!!!!!!!!!

  I was like "why". She said if she didnt also confess she would be DFed

  I was really shocked, I asked if she was truly sorry and she said yes, did she think Jehovah forgave our sins if we were really sorry. She said this wasnt enough. and went on to explain that present BF had done the same with a previous GF,then he had wanted to finish with her ( as it turned out this is what he wanted to do with my daughter) He confessed , the GF didnt ..................She got DFed for not confessing, he didnt.

  Well panic set in and the next morning bríght and early we had to call in the elders.................we didnt want to................she had a terrible meeting were she had to describe in detail what happened................she was 17 at the time..................this was our first experience of abuse, as it turned out her BF got the boot and my daughter didnt

  I was relieved at the time but now wonder who was the lucky one....................as he is still out and she is still in

  Was I niave not to know about this "confessing" thing or do most JWs who havent done anthing really wrong realize it

  They always talked about how bad it was for the catholic priests to hear the confessions of the congregation, and so I never understood the reality. Which is infact much worse, as we all know.
• 

  greendawn

  Strange you didn't know that, maybe not many cases arose in your congo but the dubs are supposed to confess serious sins to the elders. Confessing in the Catholic church is not quite the same since their members confess about all sorts of even minor things, basically everything they did wrong.
• 

  Crumpet

  I am so surprised you didnt know. You do know that if you know of someone else committing an dfing or reproving offense then you have to tell the elders? If you don't then you can be up for DFing or a reproof for concealing their sin if it is found out you new. Its all based on fear. The similarities with 1984 just aren;t funny.
• 

  mouthy

  Yes we were told that if we confessed WE would feel better...But I think the elders that asked for ALL the details. Got their jollies listening ... I have spoken to so many who felt that as they told the "ELDERS" what they did - they felt dirty & was being raped by those listening eyes & ears. Shame on those men.
  Sorry to all you elders that sat in on those sessions. But I hope you tried to get in touch with those you "used" in your "SERVICE" to god.... My GOD forgave all that asked as soon as they meant they were sorry.Sorry about your daughter though I would say the B/F was the lucky one in more ways than one
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  poppers

  "Confessing in the Catholic church is not quite the same since their members confess about all sorts of even minor things, basically everything they did wrong." ............ And boy did that generate lots of guilt when confession was skipped on a regular basis. They also tied confession into receiving communion - receiving communion without sincere repentence through the sacrament of confession was viewed as a serious sin in itself. Maybe things are different today but while I was growing up guilt was spread pretty thick, and you had to jump through lots of hoops to get rid of it.
• 

  juni

  Hi Vitty!

  Yes. I knew this to be true. Also, it is true that elders HAVE to get all of the nitty gritty. And yet they denounce the Catholic faith w/their confession policy.

  Bad things happen when people follow man-made "rules".

  Juni
• 

  greendawn

  Poppers I didn't know that things were so hot with the Catholics, I thought it was only the religious people that really cared about sinning, confessing, and being banned from the communion. The rest pretty much don't care and they confess if and when they feel like it. Does the Catholic church have a policy of not giving communion without a prior confession to a priest?
• 

  Threestars

  I don't know if nowadays there are formal rules about confessing, but the last time I was regularly attending meetings (briefly, thank goodness) it was considered something you had to do. I knew a young divorced woman, a recent convert, who told me that she had developed a "bad masturbation habit" before she had come into the truth and was constantly calling the elders for support when she felt the urge and, I guess, confession if she slipped up. I remember thinking about how ridiculous the whole thing was. One of the elders just happened to be my boss at work (he was a really nice man BTW and good looking too) and I could never look at him without suppressing a giggle after that.

  She would probably get one of them on the phone talking and then continue with her, well, nevermind.

  Around the same time my Dad had a brief extramarital fling with a totally bonkers, twenty-eight year old, JW woman. She was one of those who had been a Dub since birth. She got DFed and he just got reproof for their dalliance. She had gone to the elders and confessed everything they had done, apparently just some heavy petting (yuckyuckyuckyuck) and at first my Dad denied it but then gave in and boohooed a lot and begged forgiveness. She, on the other hand, got snippy with the elders and told them that they just didn't know what it was like to be horny since they all could go home to their wives in bed ( I got all this info from the ever-present gossip mongers in our cong).

  Well, a couple of years later, she was reinstated and my Dad came to me and told me that he felt he needed to go to the elders and tell them that in the past this woman had told him in strictest confidence, of course, that she would never marry until she had conquered her masturbation habit. He said he was certain that she was still "doing it" since she still wasn't married and that the elders didn't know about it, and that they should know so they could help her, etc etc etc. I tried to get him not to--I actually felt sorry for her but he went ahead and told them anyway.

  What a bunch of wierdos!
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  Warlock

  One of the reasons I left the Catholic Church was because of the issue of confessing sins to a man, a priest. As the years went by in the Org. there was no way I was going to confess anything to anyone, period.

  That's between me and Jehovah.

  Warlock
• 

  choosing life

  Vitty,

  I was kind of like you. I knew they talked about telling on others, but I didn't know it was a race to see who confesses first or that they would base repentence on that alone some times.

  It was my teenagers that taught me a lot about how the judicial nonsense worked in the congregations. I heard many stories where someone decided to confess and told someone else about their plan. Then the gossip would travel and it was a race for all involved in an incident to spill their guts before someone else could. The teenagers were well aware that the elders were not as likely to disfellowship the one who told on themself.

  I had a similar conversation with a child of mine too. I asked if they were sorry for what they had done. They said yes. Then I asked if they had asked God to forgive them. They said yes again. Then I asked why they would want to talk to a bunch of men about the problem if they had already stopped the practice, made ammends, and been forgiven by God. They said that was just what they were expected to do and it was the only way for the elders to determine if they were truly sorry. I reminded them that they already stated they were truly sorry. Reasoning did not help because they were way too programed and scared.

  By this time, I was already out, but they insisted that they had to run to the elders and confess because if someone else ever decided to tell on them, the elders would be much harsher. I was always told that only non-repentent people got disfellowshipped. I found out that had little to do with it. All I heard about in a judicial committee was how it affected the reputation of the congregation.

  The questions they ask are at times unbelievable. I would refuse to answer such questions and consider them rude and disgusting. By the way, the child of mine who insisted on telling on themself was disfellowshipped, so I guess it wasn't enough. Too much effect on the congregation's reputation this time.