Minor update- The serious conversation with the wife about the cult (part3)

OnTheWayOut

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/132082/1.ashx is part 2 with all the background.

So the first real test came this weekend. I had a work-related excuse for missing the
midweek meetings, so the subject never came up. I was crystal clear while on vacation,
right after the memorial that I was done with the Kingdom Hall meetings.

So, today, the wife talks about what we need to do before and after the meeting- what
errands need to be accomplished. I listen with no response until finally, I say "Would
you like me to run some errands with you then drop you off at the Hall?"

"Oh, you're not going?"

"No, we had this discussion last week."

"Just wasn't sure. Okay, please drop me off and come back for me."

"Okay"

She knew good and well what we said last week, so she's got that JW frame of mind
where she would try to pretend it was never said, making me commit to my stance again
or go to the meeting. No way I was going. That was the bad news, but not so bad.

The good news. I was ready to go on those errands and drop her off, but she wasn't ready
to go out the door. By the time she was ready, we couldn't squeeze those errands in before
the meeting started, but she wanted to do them ANYWAY, and was late for the meeting.
She missed half of the public talk. And she only cracked open her WT mag in the car for the
first time, cramming her studying into less than 15 minutes (so she can comment).

So many helped with part 2 that I thought I would update when something happened. Thanks.

avidbiblereader

Congrats, you must feel like a ton of your shoulders.

abr

DJK

It seems your wife is taking it well.

If it were my wife, I would put my arms around her and tell her how much I appreciate her for accepting the news without making an issue out of it.

dawg

It's gonna work out....

OnTheWayOut

I popped over to the coffee shop that has free wireless to catch up on JWD and my email while she
was at the meeting. Very relaxing, then I did some shopping for fruit and groceries. Nice relaxed
Saturday.

When it was time to pick her up, AC/DC was playing on the radio. I used to be a heavy rocker (put
it on hold for all those JW years, just sampling every now and then). Well, I am back, baby. The
song was YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG. I cranked it up and it ended as I pulled into the KH
parking lot. The elders never came out. They must have been meeting together- glad I wasn't one of them.
Wife's best friend at that Hall walked over to me in the car. She bubbles over with sappy enthusiasm and
also bubbles over with heavy judgemental-attitude. She didn't ask why I was outside today, missing the
meeting, just made small talk (maybe my wife already confided in her).

All-in-all, it was a nice day. It could only have been better if

1. the song was FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK or DIRTY DEEDS
2. the sun was shining warmly. (It was cloudy and cool.)
3. the wife was out enjoying the day with me.

Open mind

Thanks for the update OTWO.

I know it's not a rocker, but how cranking up REM's "Losing My Religion" next time you roll in.

Hmmmmm. On second thought,if you're just trying to fade, maybe not such a great idea.

Gotta go,

Open Mind

MR. BORN AGAIN

Let it do what it Do. Keep being U. Continue to show love!!! BELEIVE and it will work out:-)

LeslieV

I think you are handling it very well. Good luck and keep us posted.

Leslie

MinisterAmos

Keep us posted. The thing I worry about for you (and others in your situation) is that certain Elders will feelthe need to "lovinly counsel" the spouse of the non-believer or Apostate.

It's more extreme in some congos than others I believe, but I'm curious if you, as a current JW, will allow the Elders to "counsel" your wife about the spirtual danger you create for her.

This just came up in another congo that I have a spy in. The fading brother wishes he had not let them meet with his wife or had insisted on being there. I BELIEVE that the Elders have to honor such a request under the "headship" doctines of the JWs

OnTheWayOut

Minister, the elders have seemed to not be desirous of kicking me out. I expect that to change.

The wife has promised to not get in the middle by spying for them. I expect that promise to be
broken for my own good.

I have a feeling that there will be more action to DF me IF I SAY SOMETHING TO THE ELDERS
NOW about not shepherding my wife without my presence. If I say nothing, it might blow over
with no action. I do not expect them to just let me walk away, but saying something to them
prematurely doesn't seem to be the answer, it'll just tick them off. Then they'll say, "Let's show
him what we can do."
My best plans all include continued fading in front of the wife, not revealing too much to her. If
she and the elders plan something, I hope to give them nothing to find. If I get wind of it, I will
tell them "Stop counseling my wife without my presence. Ask her nothing about me. If she asks
you to call on her, tell her you need to speak to her husband to get permission. Let me put it in
writing to be clear what I want."

Any further suggestions, or if you think I am looking at it wrong, please advise.

Minor update- The serious conversation with the wife about the cult (part3)

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