Elders on my tail

FourMs

As mentioned before, I have not been to a mtg since January. I have not spoken to anyone in the congregation about my decisions as of late and I don’t plan on informing anyone either. I have had the elders at my door at least once a week for the last few months and every car group out in service that needs to fill in some time are stocking me here too. If I’m home I just ignore them by not answering, and if my husband is here he answers and cuts things short by saying I’m not home.

Well, the memorial came and went and I had a few stockers here to leave me a tract but still I had no contact with anyone. For a few days I thought that they had stopped harassing me. Not a chance. I got a call from my sister (who is still a JW) who told me that my dad got a call from an elder from my hall. I know y’all don’t know me very well, but I am a country away from my family (20hours or so) and the elders decide to pull a “I’m telling on you” stunt. How childish. I wonder why they do that? Can they not just leave me alone? Why did they inform my parents? I am 32 years old with a family of my own here. I feel like the elders doing something like that is comparable to someone from my work informing my dad that I’m not doing my job. I think it’s totally unnecessary on their part.

In my first post I mentioned that I was nervous to confront my parents with my decisions. I came to the conclusion that I would just tell them if they ask instead of bringing it up. That way it comes across that I don’t feel “guilty” like they think I should. I feel none of that anyways. So, here I was all nervous and finally it’s been all these months that have passed and I haven’t even talked to my parents other than a few emails and chatting a bit on msn. I feel they are hiding their heads in the sand and don’t want to hear about what’s going on. Now that the elder has done my job of informing them, I suppose I am off the hook. It’s annoying just the same, but now I don’t have to tell my parents. I’ll wait for them to call and inquire about what’s going on.

Has anyone had them do that, where the elders track back to where you came from? What will they do from here on? Just keep stocking me? I supposed they are just looking for answers, but I am not willing to give any.

Sorry to vent, but thanks for reading...

FourMs

OnTheWayOut

As an elder, I never considered contacting the parents of adults to inform them of his absence
at the hall. To be fair, they are supposed to shepherd you, they are trying to call you
personally, and they aren't able to get to you, so they are trying to get your family to get to
you. It is quite possible to see this as proper shepherding- doing all they can to reach you.

If you don't talk to the elders, how do you know what they told your family?
Did the family or the elders tell you?

Terry

Your life belongs to you. You don't need to justify anything you say or do to anybody. Your comfort zone is created by what you regard to be healthy for yourself. Going to the Kingdom Hall is no longer healthy.

The confrontation fear is a boundry issue. You haven't realized you are not responsible for what others think.

Your parents can think what they like. You don't have to convince them out of their comfort zone.

Accepting the people you love is the only real love. If your parents give you credit for being sane and reasonable as an adult they will accept your own decisions about your own life.

Freedom isn't "freedom" if it is forced. Freedom is useless if there is no allowance for choice.

God may be a lot larger than the JW view of Him.

God might love you based on a value you cannot earn by putting your butt on a folding chair in a Kingdom Hall.

God might even love you more than your parents!

If you don't love your own life enough to allow yourself to build it in a way that seems best--it might not even be YOUR life at all.

chelleadam

Yeah, they did that to me, too. Granted, I only lived about 45 minutes away from my parents, so it's not like they called across the country. But it still felt like they were ratting me out to my folks at the time. It didn't help them any, because it only made me angry and less willing to talk to the elders. If they'd have tried to be friends with me, instead of making obvious "shepherding calls" it would have worked better.

theinfamousone

if they pulled that kind of stunt on me, id probably tear them a new (expletive deleted)... these jerks would deserve it too! but alas, i guess you are off the hook... and i bet they would say, we are trying to help you,... we are doing all we can to help you.. what theyre trying to do is split up a family... jack asses

the infamous one

FourMs

If you don't talk to the elders, how do you know what they told your family?
Did the family or the elders tell you?

All I know is that this elder from my hall called my dad. My sister gave me his name because my dad went through her to talk to me. But no, nothing was said to me as to what the elder told him.

It's weird because I have been away from my parents hall for 10 years and lived somewhere before here for 8 years and the elders have the nerve to go back to my parents?!!! I don't get it. What am I, 12?

Anyways, thx...

FourMs

lv4fer

They are STALKING you not STOCKING you. Sorry.....it just bothered me.

OnTheWayOut

nothing was said to me as to what the elder told him

Even if it was minimal, the elder had to at least say "We haven't seen her."

Just assume they are concerned. Prepare for what to say to your Dad.
Different suggestions will come out. You know your situation best, you
know what you might say.

I am prepared to simply state that I am in need of a break. I will offer
nothing more. The argument might go "We don't take breaks, breaks from
what?"

I JUST NEED A BREAK, THAT'S ALL.

You might think that out, what to say.
If they never ask you anything, then really watch out. There might be some
covert actions to get you in front of some elders. If you wind up there, you can
always just walk away. "Sorry, gotta leave."

UnConfused

Your topic reminds me of the song line

"Jokers to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you"

I too as an elder never considered the idea of calling the parents of an adult in our cong - but now that I have the idea....

MinisterAmos

They are STALKING you not STOCKING you. Sorry.....it just bothered me.

Elders on my tail

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