Its sometimes hard for us ex-dubs to share our stories and even harder for those who can't leave the organization and need to vent. I would encourage all those with a story to tell to do so, i'd really enjoy reading it as i do already read the stories you all shared.
I grew up without my dad and almost without my mum since she was always out drinking or doing something else. We've been homeless and without money, for years no one in the family had a telephone and my dad offered the sum total of £1.50 a week in Child Support before running away to American for a few years, abandoning his responsibilities (which he successfully evaded right up to me being too old to need or want his help). I discovered he had suggested my mum have an abortion instead of having me, which i can get over - its when he suggested Megan might do the same that i was really hurt.
There is a lot of other things i've never mentioned before. I have been subject (once) to sexual abuse from a stranger and much later my Stepfather would hit me, push me around and basically took every opportunity in the name of Jehovah to put me down and make my life a misery. For so long my mum was blinded by love and refused to accept he was guilty and ONLY TONIGHT (my prompt for this) when she told me to not make the same mistakes as her did i see that she is 100% upset that she married such a clown (because me and Megan are talking about getting married VERY SOON before Baby comes).
Add this with the fact like many of you i went through the cult, and you've got one mess. I can't count the times i sat with a knife to my wrist wanting to end it all. One thing that stopped me was the fact i wouldn't want my mum to find me and be upset and the other reason was that i was too much of a coward to go ahead with it. Around this time i became addicted to Alcohol and got myself kicked out of college for being drunk in lesson.
Then i found God...again...if you can count the first time. Only when i revealed to Mum i intended to get Confirmed at my Church she kicked me out.
For a long time i thought i could never love until i met Megan because i don't even feel a real love for my own Mum like you'd expect though i believe there is time left for the both of us to fix that, if only she'd leave that damn organization she's in. One thing i always thought i could never get is a girl that i would love and a child of my own. At the moment i've got both.