Warlock - I know exactly where you are coming from. If the JWs had been enough to sustain her, then I would rather she was here living a lie than the terrible mess her life became and the legacy she has left for her children. Unfortunately, I think Lady Lee is right, that whatever path she had chosen, at some point her past would have caught up with her. I hope your relative gets the right help and gets clean.
Is being a Jehovahs Witness sometimes a good thing..............
by fifi40 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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fifi40
Notaness - I am no longer a religious person but I am glad that there are religious organisations that take a different approach to people and the problems they have.
In part, the reason for telling this true story was to highlight what I feel is a fundamental flaw in the JW organisation. It seems they take the approach of this is how you are to behave, if you fall short and do no not measure up and are not repentant you are OUT, and there is no help for you. My belief is that if there is a God, he would be able to see all. He knows how people's lives are moulded and how for some their innocence, self worth and dignity is ripped from them at an age when the impact of another person's evil actions toward them, will leave lasting and horrific scars, that on their own are practically impossible to deal with. People who have suffered abuse of any description at an early age need the love, support and educated help of those that can only aid them in rebuilding and making sense of a shattered childhood. When people ignore stuff that has happened to them, cover it over and pretend it never happened, it will at some point disrupt their lives and sometimes in monumental style. Again, I say if there is a God, it is my belief that he would want people to be supported and helped through such extreme and disturbing times. The one thing I know is that the JWs lack this kind of support system.
Thanks all for your comments.
Fifi
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funkyderek
It doesn't sound like it was a good thing for Carol. It didn't help with her drug problems or her family problems, it didn't make her happier, it caused at least one of her good friends to shun her and she ended up dead.
She was given false hope and when she needed support the most, it was suddenly taken away from her.
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jeanV
Would she have been better staying a misled JW?
my opinion is yes.
I used to study with a heroin addict and put myself heavily into trying to help him. After some years I gave up hope as he slowly made a few step forward and then fell back again into the habit. I was amazed at how vulnerable these people are (I did not ask many questions about his upbringing but I do not think he was abused), I was also amazed at how, when we were going around together, so many people would approach him either to ask or offer drugs, so temptation was always at hand.
A few years passed and he started studying with another JW. Eventually he got baptised and is now a happy misled JW. Would find out the truth about the truth help him? No. Chances are that he would go back into drugs. Most of his friends (to many of whom I did speak when I was studying with him) are now dead and buried. The few that survived are still into heroin.
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fullofdoubtnow
(((fifi)))
I am so sorry to read of the loss of your friend.
It does seem that the most positive portion of her life was the time she spent as a jw, and she got back into her old ways after being df'd, I agree with you about the jws lack of having a genuine support system to help those who get into these type of situations. It is one of their major failings, in my opinion, that they seek to punish rather than support anyone who breaks their rules. It's an unloving, unchristian way to behave for an organisation purportedly based on love for one another, but they sometimes seem to almost enjoy kicking those who are down rather than doing anything to help them get back up.
The jws may have helped her to escape her past life, but by their treatment of her I feel they contributed to her decision to return to it as well.
Linda
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jeanV
I agree with you about the jws lack of having a genuine support system to help those who get into these type of situations.
I agree and it is one of the things that made me initially question the organisation (seeing a DF person, left by her non-JW husband, coming to the hall with 3 small kids, one disabled, all by herself without any help).
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Crumpet
What an interesting and tragic story fifi = and so well written! I can see your point - but when I read the title of your thread my NARROW MINDEDNESS kicked in and I thought - here we go!
Actually I can kind of agree. What being a dub does is tell you that you are not doing these things yourself - you are putting your faith in a higher power - ie Jehovah and when you overcome an addiction it is all down to him. When I got reinstated on time no 2 I believed that I had only given up smoking and drinking and sex because Jehovah had given me special powers that there was no way I could do this myself.
A few years down the line of Dfing no 3 I gave up smoking for a similar time period to the time it took me to be reinstated using Allen Carrs book. I realised then that I could do things for myself and it was nothing to do with god.
Alcholics Annoynmous is a religious institution which bases its recovery on putting your faith in a higher power also - that you cant do this yourself but God will aid you overcoming your addiction. if you dont believe in that God figure you are stuffed!
"Carol" like me probably felt that when she failed the once that God had removed his love from her and therefore she didnt fight it much.
Religion can help in the short term, but its much better to know you have the strength in yourself. If you have faith in yourself you can do anything. Transferring that faith into an external being and then when being human we fail we can think that God has removed his blessing from us which in turns forms a downward spiral.
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Lady Lee
Here the nice thing about hugs is that when you give one you get back one so... ((((fifi40))))
I wish she had been honest about the abuse a lot earlier than she was, she might have got the right help then, but it only came out when her life was spiralling madly downwards.
One of the problems with being a JW is that for the most part they discourage therapy. When I did go for counseling the elders told me to never mention that I was a JW. That was like putting a huge gag in my mouth.
Getting counseling for my childhood abuse would have eventually lead to my teen years and my life as a JW who was married to an abusive JW elder. I remember clearly reading a book my therapist gave me. Something in the book reminded me of what it was like to hear my father come home at night. That connected so strongly to what I was living and how I cowered inside when I heard my husband'a car in the drive and his key in the door.
Eventually the abuse in the childhood leads to what is going on in the present. Without the voice to speak remaining a JW forces a person to bury how they really feel and counseling becomes useless unless they leave
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aligot ripounsous
If I had to give a fragile person any advice as to whether she should remain a JW or not, I would'nt take the chance to destabilize her even further with the stress of breaking off from her JW way of life and having to start again from scratch a new social life, in addition to her dealing with her own weakness, traumatic memories, drugs, etc. We may like or not the idea, but the congregation provides a framed environment to fragile persons who otherwise would be overcome by the difficulties of their lives.
Knowing that you are under check can be very efficient. I gave up smoking 30 years ago during the period when I studied with JWs and I'm far from sure I would have managed to do so without this forced help.