I "faded" but that did not stop the questions and visits and crying and drama... I still never sent a letter, I was never baptized. I was still cut off (by my parents and family) for several years. I hate to think what would have happened if I was DF'd!!! My sister wanted to fade...she was DF'd by the elders in her absence anyway! She never went to a JC meeting. They just DF'd her.
Why do people choose to d'assoc by letter instead of just fading?
by journey-on 33 Replies latest jw friends
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zeroday
Like others I wanted a clean break. The best part is the Body of Elders have no idea why I DA'ed myself. I wanted it to eat at them wondering why a loyal faithful brother of 28 years all of a sudden left. I hope it is still eating at them...
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free2beme
Some join other churches and their encouraged to do it.
Some just need to say something, and figure this helps ... even though they know it does no good (Although many will say, "but it might")
Others do it because they are angry
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Finally-Free
Sometimes an attempt to fade will cause elders to intensify their harassment. I wasted 20 years in the cult, and I wasn't going to waste any more time. I wanted to be able to answer my phone or door without being questioned by elders. I didn't want a repeat of elders following my vehicle while my ex was driving, causing her to panic and maybe get into an accident. I wanted my freedom and I wanted it immediately. I wrote them a letter warning them that continued harassment and trespassing on my property would result in a call to the police.
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Scully
Some people have a lot to lose by DAing. So they fade.
Others have nothing to gain by fading. So they DA.
Sometimes it's a precarious balance. If it weren't for the fact that I still have family members involved, I would strongly consider DAing.
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zeroday
Others have nothing to gain by fading. So they DA.
You are so right Scully. I had nothing to lose. I live in Tn and all my family (nonJW) live in California. The witnesses I did know locally were nothing but strangers to me anyway. People I have known for over 20 years, go figure. I had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain. I had a cousin that was DF'ed over 20 years ago. We reconnicted and I begged her for forgiveness. Amazingly she did. I left an uncareing hateful organization and gained a loving family. I only wish I had done it years ago.
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asleif_dufansdottir
So many of us lived in fear of the elders and the society's judicial arrangements that saying to them "I don't care what you think anymore. You have no authority over me. Go away and leave me alone." is a very powerful act.
We sort of faded before we knew what it was called, and ended up 1500 miles from where we were JWs (none of our family is 'in'). If it hadn't been for that, I probably would have DA'd. I'm a 'point blank blunt' kinda gal.
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journey-on
I have so enjoyed reading your responses. The reasons given are as varied as the posters giving them. As I read these, it occurred to me that one individual disassociating him/herself probably doesn't mean much to the overall organization, but adding your one letter to the collective is probably very significant indeed.
I wish there was a way to know just how many da each year. I'm sure that's not a figure they'll publish any time soon.
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choosing life
I do think they are starting to try and react to this phenomena of fading. They are used to kicking people out in some way. They can't control this new process of fading. I find I enjoy playing the same games back on them sometimes. But I think every fader knows that there is an end to games
I I don't want my name or reputation in any manner linked with an organization that can abandon it's most vulnerable members without a second thought. How many have died because of their false teachings? What about the children left vulnerable and unprotected?
I just prefer to let them wonder why I have left. It's hard to not notice when someone whose been there for thirty years is suddenly choosing not to come. I hope it makes them think about things. I may see it another way tomorrow.
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zeroday
The reasons given are as varied as the posters giving them.
Alot of people don't want to play the WTS game and give into them others like myself just wanted to have a clean break. We all have our own reasons. Some can not bear the pain of losing family and still others have to just end it. It is a testamont to the mind control this organization has over people. It really is such a shame how these people have so much control over peoples lives. You have to do what's best for you...